Tag: Let’s Move

Wingnuts Will Never Forgive Michelle Obama For Outlawing Bacon Sundaes In Schools

Michelle Obama, Queen First Lady of our hearts, has long cared deeply about America's obesity crisis, particularly among kids. How have right-wingers been dicks to her about it over the years? Let us count the ways. First, some quick backstory....
They can take our brains, but they'll never take...OUR CRULLERS!

Rand Paul Buys Donuts, Michelle Obama Can Suck It

Just a quick gut check on American Political Discourse in 2014: Freedom is about stuffing as much fried food into your gullet as you can, and there's no way we'll let the meddling First Lady cram arugula down our...
Let them eat dirt

Now Michelle Obama Has Stolen All The Pop-Tarts

Thanks to Michelle Obama's ongoing war on your children's Eleventeenth Amendment right to shove all the junk food they want into their chubby faces -- try reading the Constitution sometime, Michelle -- Westside High School in Omaha, Nebraska, is...

Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians

Bryan Fischer, his finger ever on the pulse of the American zeitgeist (assuming that the American zeitgeist is far up his own ass, which we have no reason to doubt), is not going to make fun of a National...
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

When the Grifter Queen of The Last Frontier announced the creation of her own website/TV channel, we laughed along with the rest of you. "It's just a way to make a quick buck, and she'll probably quit halfway through,...

Sportsball Thug Richard Sherman Thuggishly Cooks Socialist Thug School Lunch With Thug Michelle Obama

Sportsball Man Richard Sherman is here to indoctrinate your children into thinking that healthy eating is OK, in this cute video for the Let's Move initiative, Michelle Obama's dangerous plot to encourage "healthy" eating and exercise so that she...

GOP Opens New Front In War On Fruits & Vegetables

The kids are our future, so we should treasure them and take care of each individual precious snowflake child, each of whom is a gift from God or Allah or Spirit Pasta or whatever. But you know what? Skinny...

Barack Obama And Joe Biden Run From Specter Of Great And Terrible Michelle Obama (Video)

See those men? Those are Barack Obama and Old Handsome Joe Biden, and they are "let's moving," because they are scared of the fiery wrath of Michelle Obama. Did you like the '80s cop show styley music, like maybe...

Derp Roundup: Michelle Obama Loves Subway. Time For Everyone To Stop Eating Sandwiches.

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we take a wire brush to our open browser tabs and bring you the stories that are too stoopid to ignore, but not quite worth a full post...

Obamas Have 9 Kinds Of Pie For Thanksgiving, Wingnuts Outraged

We guess Barack Obama must have mentioned God in his Thanksgiving proclamation this year, since we haven't seen a million angry blog posts bitching about it. (And there it is -- "we rise or fall as one Nation, under...

How Is Michelle Obama Murdering Jesus And Easter Today?

Well, it is almost time for the White House Easter Egg Roll! Which means it is already past time for the annual whinging about the White House Easter Egg Roll. How is Michelle Obama murdering it today? Oh, just...

Michelle Obama Releases Fancy Book About Gardening

As promised, our First Lady Michelle Obama has published her first book. It is a book about gardening, and if "The Help" is any indication, it is sure to be a bestseller, because isn't it probably the same thing,...

Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever

So we all know by now that our First Lady Michelle Obama hates Oprah and taunted her with pie, or whatever, who cares. Our FLOTUS really has no time for ridiculous accusations, because in case you haven't noticed,...

Michelle Obama Is Weak On Obesity, Nation Keeps Getting Fatter

Hey there, you might want to put down your Fritos for a second, because this is gross: In 2005, "being obese or overweight caused an estimated 216,000 deaths from heart disease, diabetes and other conditions, researchers estimated, while...

Michelle Obama Appears on ‘Biggest Loser,’ Is Now a Kardashian

Have you seen that show on the E! television network featuring a bunch of whiny girls whose names all start with the letter "K" and their father, played by a melted-down Ken doll? It is the "Keeping Up With...

Michelle Obama Celebrates Fitness Campaign Success With ‘Obesity Tour’

Were you aware that we, as a nation, are currently celebrating the second anniversary of Michelle Obama's Let's Move! campaign? Probably not, because McDonald's did not advertise this on its napkins. Our FLOTUS, the arms and inspiration behind the...