lesbians
Stop! You’re Under Arrest For Being A Gay Homosexual Lesbian in Florida
Now that America is well on its way to being full-on gay homosexual rainbow flag-waving equality-for-all-land, what with state after state after state jumping on the marriage rights bandwagon and the Supreme Court about half a second away from being all, “Nah, dude, you totes can’t have laws that only let some people get married [...]
Rightwing Radio Host Has Giant Sad That It Got Better For Hillary Clinton
Sandy Rios, last seen in these pages wondering why our Supreme Court’s female justices cannot just shut up and respect their male betters, returns to remind us once again that all you need to score your own radio show is an ability to open your screech hole and let fly: Hillary Clinton, there have long [...]
Cool Florida Principal Investigates Straight Teacher For Turning Student Into Lesbian-Gay
Here is an incredibly stupid story for you! A teacher named Juliet Hibbs at Deerfield Beach High School in Broward County, Florida, was standing in her classroom one day, teaching some nonsense or other, who knows. (Because “Florida.”) As she stood there, she saw one of her students, an 18-year-old woman, slinking lower and lower [...]
Man-Hating Ball-Buster Sonia Sotomayor Teams With Sesame Street To Indoctrinate Your Princess
You may go elsewhere to read about Elmo maybe raping your children, because Sonia Sotomayor raping traditional gender roles is the only Sesame Street story your Wonkette will be covering this fine Veterans Day. So let’s get right to it: why does known feminazi and United States Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor want to indoctrinate [...]
Old Lesbian Billionaire Warren Buffett Now Constantly Singing At People
It is official. Warren Buffett, the Sage of Omaha, class warrior, and by all appearances victim of Stage Four of Lesbian Bed Death, will now use his “fuck-you” money to buy a slot and make you listen to him singing whenever and wherever he wants. He has appeared with a ukelele for the Chinese New [...]
Alabama Wingnut Politician Secretly Impregnating Lesbians In New Zealand
A failed Republican candidate for governor in Alabama has been discovered on a lesbian-impregnating rampage in New Zealand, despite his own anti-homosexual political actions and the fact that he’s married to a “two-time Mrs America finalist who has three children from a former relationship.” Bill Johnson, a conservative Christian politician who lost his 2009 campaign [...]
Beloved ‘Friends’ TV Show Also Hated Newt Gingrich
Throughout America’s history, people have always hated Newt Gingrich. Republicans hate him, Democrats hate him, and of course the nation’s wives all hate him. But a new historical document proves that Gingrich was just as unloved in the distant 1990s as he is today — some say he was despised even more then, because people [...]
Michael Steele Is Now Going To Wreck MSNBC
Michael Steele was (barely) chosen as the Republican Party chairman a few years ago as a response to Barack Obama’s election to the presidency. Not a political response, so much as an image-y kind of thing. It’s hard to remember now, but the trend in 2008-2009 was all about tall, dark and handsome men. Especially [...]
Pat Robertson Exposes Lesbian Plot To Rid World’s Women of Babies
DUM DUM DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMM. What advantage does a lesbian have over a married woman? She doesn’t have to seek love from a planet full of dickwad men, that’s right. But what deficiency does she have? She doesn’t have equal rights, correct! Wait, let’s try that again.
Bristol Palin Attempts Some Sort of Joke-Like Phrase Involving Lesbians
Bristol Palin has posted a new Facebook post, arguing about something or other with former comedian Margaret Cho, because Bristol wants to stretch out her time on the dancing teevee show into actual celebrity or something, we guess. Cho said some inane, unfunny thing about Bristol, so Bristol used the word “canard” again and also [...]
O’Donnell Regrets Witch Ad, Wants To Kill Witches & Dress As Dorothy
Delaware masturbation witch and constitutional scholar Christine O’Donnell finally did another teevee interview! It is super boring, but we’ll post it just in case you (like most Americans) have a lot of time on your hands. Better to watch a dull ABC News interview with jobless sex activist Christine O’Donnell rather than let your idle [...]
Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist
Your Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals is back bearing good news, or as they like to call it in church, “a new gospel”: All of the world’s lesbians have been fully repented for! This happened last week, in Sacramento, at a big Jesus party thrown by My Boyfriend Lou Engle. Though he has failed utterly in [...]
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