Tag Archives: lesbians

  God hates literary experiences

Duke Freshman Snowflake Babies Pretty Sure Mom Said No Reading Books About Lesbians

And this time, they brought Jesus.
And this time, they brought Jesus. Hating on millennial snowflakes and conservative Christian whiners at the same time? SIGN US UP! So here is a story from the 8th-ranked-in-the-nation Duke University, where, IN THEORY, idiots aren’t allowed to study. Every year, Duke picks a book for all the new kiddies to read, as part of the Duke Common Experience Program, which “is designed to give incoming students a shared intellectual experience with other members of their class.” Because “I just finished puberty and I’m really good at beer pong!” is apparently not “intellectual” enough for these snobs, we guess. This year, they chose Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, which Duke describes like so: Read more on Duke Freshman Snowflake Babies Pretty Sure Mom Said No Reading Books About Lesbians…
  New martyr same as old martyr

Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster

Probably what this dude's cakes look like.
Probably what this dude’s cakes look like anyway. The Colorado Court of Appeals has given another homophobe cake baker the gift of martyrdom and however many virgins fundamentalist Christian assholes get when they eat dirt and die. Oh no, the judges didn’t LITERALLY kill the baker, they just wrote a real mean ruling what says that Jack Phillips, owner of the Masterpiece Cakeshop in Lakewood, Colorado, did bad discrimination when he refused to put some of his world famous frosting on a gay cake, in a gay way, for a gay-marrying couple, and now he must REPENT! Indeed, all three judges on the panel agreed: Read more on Another Court Tells Another Gay-Hatin’ Baker To Suck A Cake Froster…
  Republicans in so much damned disarray

Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome

They sure love us
How’s the lady outreach going? The Republican Party is in the middle of a terribly bloody fight right now about which one of these assholes is the biggest asshole to women. (Hint: It’s all of them.) Thanks to the party’s current favorite presidential contender, Donald Trump, the GOP is trying, yet again, to prove it does not hate Vagina-Americans. And, like all the other failed attempts before this one, it’s going as well as you’d expect. Read more on Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome…
  bad analogies

NOM Spokesbigot Says It’s Bad For Teachers To Secretly Gas Jews, Be Lesbians

Not qualified to be a teacher.
The National Organization For Marriage (NOM nom nom), you know them, right? Hilariously failed organization that for some reason still exists, even though the Supreme Court crammed gay marriage right up all American bottoms at the end of June, despite all the Hail Mary passes wingnuts tried to throw? Well, apparently NOM’s staff isn’t quite ready to start filling out job applications, probably because they’re not qualified for anything outside the bigot field, so they are still raising money and talking about things. Read more on NOM Spokesbigot Says It’s Bad For Teachers To Secretly Gas Jews, Be Lesbians…
  U-S-A! U-S-A!

Champion USA-America Soccer Lady Wins Match, Gets Lesbianism All Over TV Screen, USA!

Gaying each other.
Did everyone tune in to the Women’s World Cup Finals Sunday evening? If you are a lesbian, you did, because that was a thing that all living lesbians were required by law to do. It was so exciting! Our ladies beat the Japanese ladies, and America is the champion of the Women’s World Cup for the first time since 1999. U-S-A! U-S-A! Read more on Champion USA-America Soccer Lady Wins Match, Gets Lesbianism All Over TV Screen, USA!…
  Nice Time Lesbian Apparel Update

Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!

Take THAT, tuxedo snatchers!
Well that was fast! On Monday, we told the story of a really cool high-school kid in Monroe, Louisiana, named Claudetteia Love. She’s an out lesbian, and  she just wanted to wear a damn tuxedo to her prom, because she likes them. What could be wrong with that? Oh, the “lesbian” part, that’s what tripped up the school principal and some of the asshole adults who make up the faculty at Carroll High School. So the principal, Patrick Taylor, went and made up a new rule that said “no lesbians in tuxes at the prom,” because boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, or something, and Love and her friends decided they would just skip it. Read more on Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!…
  No tux is complete without a boutonnierre and a penis

Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student

Bad-ass Janelle Monae rocking a tux, GONNA BAN HER FROM PROM TOO?
Priorities! Carroll High School in Monroe, Louisiana, has them! Claudetteia Love is 17, she is a top honors student headed to college on a full scholarship, and she would like to go the prom with her friends. She would also like to wear a tuxedo, because that’s what she’s most comfortable in. All of this is great, except for the fact that she is a damn lesbian, and they just don’t take kindly to that sort of thing in MON-roe (spelled phonetically for non-Southern readers, for future reference): Read more on Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student…
  Here's an ACTUAL candidate for rehoming

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore’s Offspring Arrested For Being Good Christian, Also Drugs

Awwww, he's cute, doesn't look near as stupid as his Daddy.
It’s very difficult these days, managing a career devoted to mangling the lives of LGBT people you’ve never met, and also raising your own children. Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore knows this struggle well, as he seems to have a rabid dick-child who probably needs to be rehomed with nature. The child’s name is Caleb, and he is probably wasted right now, as he was when he got arrested again for being a ne’er-do-well: Read more on Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore’s Offspring Arrested For Being Good Christian, Also Drugs…
  Especially if you put the homo kisses next to the Jumble!

Texas GOP Chair Just Don’t Cotton To Them ‘Angry-Looking Homosexual Women’

That guy right there, name of Tom Mechler, has been chosen to be the new head of the Texas GOP, and boy howdy, does he have some thoughts on the gays and what they’ve gone and done to civility and family values culture! The Texas Observer reports that Mechler, last March, penned himself a screed in the Amarillo Globe-News, due to an incident what had happened at the Amarillo Town Club. You see, one day a couple of lesbians marched up into the club and thought that maybe, hey, you give family discounts, we are a lesbian couple, we can have discount? The Amarillo Town Club is apparently not cool like Planet Fitness, and they said no, you cannot, we say you’re not a family. Read more on Texas GOP Chair Just Don’t Cotton To Them ‘Angry-Looking Homosexual Women’…
  let them not eat cake

Fundie Indiana Cake Bakers ‘Forced’ To Close Due To Gays Wanting Cake

Artworks like this reserved for True Christians.
Randy and Tish McGath were just normal fundamentalist assholes with a propensity for frosting. They opened a nice place called the 111 Cakery in a very gayborhood-y part of Indianapolis, so that they might witness to the homosexuals through decorative baking. But that all changed, are you Wonkers ready to weep as you learn the tale of the latest Christians who have been beaten and murdered by gays, due to their sincerely held religious beliefs? Well, you’re OUT OF LUCK, because this is just another one of those dumb stories about wingnuts voluntarily deciding to close down shop (they use the word “forced” because it sounds martyr-y, not because it’s true) because they don’t want to risk Jesus sending them to hell for selling celebratory baked goods for gay weddings: Read more on Fundie Indiana Cake Bakers ‘Forced’ To Close Due To Gays Wanting Cake…
  Derp Alert

Pat Robertson Is A F***ing Waste of Space: Lesbian Edition

Pat Robertson decided to open his frothy mouthhole and spew terrible advice to lonely self-hating shut-ins who still watch The 700 Club. On tap this time was a mother worried because her 21-year old daughter is a murderer rapist heathen Methodist LESBIAN!! What’s more, the parents had no idea: Read more on Pat Robertson Is A F***ing Waste of Space: Lesbian Edition…
  Called On The Carpet

Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians

Bryan Fischer, his finger ever on the pulse of the American zeitgeist (assuming that the American zeitgeist is far up his own ass, which we have no reason to doubt), is not going to make fun of a National Institutes of Health-funded study that’s looking at why lesbians may be prone to obesity. He’s not even going to call it wasteful. No, instead, he’s going to suggest concrete action: He wants Michelle Obama to show that she cares about lesbians’ health by spearheading (haw haw!) a drive to help all the lesbians lose weight by becoming straight. Read more on Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Is Still Sore Loser, Lesbian Feminists Will Destroy Us All, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Still not president
Yes, it’s Friday. You’re welcome. Sore loser Mitt Romney is still sore loser: “I was not a big fan of the president’s policies, as you know, either domestically or internationally,” Romney said, according to Fox News. “But the results of his mistakes and errors, in my opinion, have been more severe than even I would have predicted.” Read more on Sore Loser Mitt Romney Is Still Sore Loser, Lesbian Feminists Will Destroy Us All, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  nice time!

Washington DC Welcomes Lesbian Anchor Babies With Open Arms

The gaypocalypse is upon us. We have seen the signs, from judges competing to see who can write the most elegant fuck you to the religious right when legalizing gay marriage to Common Core turning all our children gay. And Washington, DC (the city and people that live here, not the asshole Congresscritters you flyover states send here) is getting in on the action. How? Lesbian anchor babies: The District is one of a handful of jurisdictions that permit second-parent adoptions with no residency rules or other restrictions…. The 2013 law is leading an increasing number of lesbian couples from nearby states to deliver their babies in the District, according to family lawyers arranging second-parent adoptions. Read more on Washington DC Welcomes Lesbian Anchor Babies With Open Arms…
  everybody loves the garbage man

S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’

Buttsechs. Some people like to do it in their butts, while other people like to pay their rent owning mommyblogs that for some weird reason unknown to G_d or man (COUGH ANA MARIE COUGH) have become synonymous with anal loving. Still other people like to be elected representatives of the people of South Dakota and post long long SO LONG letters about how butts are “garbage alleys” and lesbians should not have weiners in their butts onto their Faceplace pages when the Argus Leader determines their letters to the editor to be a little much for your morning Grape Nuts. In his masterpiece, “A One Way Alley for the Garbage Truck,” state Rep. Steve Hickey proclaims a great many common-sense things. We shall explore them, together. Read more on S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’…