Tag: leon panetta

Wonkagenda, Thursday, 07/28/2016

Here's some of the stories that may grace yr Wonkette today!

DNC Night Three: Let’s Meet This Tim Kaine Person, Shall We? Also, Barry Bamz! A Livebloog

It's Night Three of the Democratic Convention. Let's watch together.

Benghazi Ambassador’s Sister Would Like Republicans To STFU And Stop Blaming Hillary

What, you mean the Republicans on the Benghazi committee actually don't speak for the families? You don't say!

Trey Gowdy Accidentally Admits Hillary Clinton Didn’t Benghazi Anyone (Except Vince Foster)

Benghazi investigation chair Trey Gowdy's long, drawlin' roundabout way of saying, 'I apologize to America for wastin' everybody's time for so long, I will leave public service forever and find a job I am better suited for, like makin' taxidermied beavers kiss each other on their purty mouths.'
Happy trails

Ousted Dem Sen. Mark Udall Goes Nuts On Lying Liars At CIA

Sen. Mark Udall was turfed out of office this November by the good people of Colorado, so for the last few weeks, Udall's been wandering the halls of Congress wondering what to do with his final moments on the...
We don't even WANT context for this. Don't cry for Easter, Argentina.

Rachel Maddow Reminds Us Of That Time Nancy Reagan’s Astrologer Ran The White House (Video)

Monday's Rachel Maddow Show started off with one of those meandering historical backgrounders, and as sometimes happens, that intro is in some ways even more interesting than the main story. It's all about another tell-all by a former cabinet member,...

BENGHAZI Update: House Republican Committee Calls All Other Republicans Liars

Here we go again. Another House committee, controlled by Republicans, has issued yet another wackadoodle report about BENGHAZI. Are we going to finally find out that President Obama was taking body shots off of Hillary at the time of...

Leon Panetta Ruining American Samurai Honor Code

Shit, guys, I'm pretty sure our secretary of defense hates women. Leon Panetta has lifted the ban on women serving in military combat roles. He hates them so much he wants them to be equal! This is a travesty. We...

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: U.S. Plotting Nostalgic Military Return To Vietnam

When Obama said our military would leave the Middle East and focus on the Pacific Region, he probably wasn't kidding. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta was in Vietnam the other day laying the groundwork for what will be America's...

BREAKING! Secret Service Sexing Must Be Rampant Because Marines Bought A Hooker In Brazil!

Well now we are getting to the bottom of this! When the Secret Service was sexing all those ladies in Cartagena, was that an isolated incident? NO IT WAS NOT! And how do we know this? Because Defense Secretary...

Obama Administration Invents Reason To Keep Troops In Iraq Forever

Deadlines are for losers, right? The Obama Administration will ignore a deadline this year to withdraw U.S. troops from Iraq, because why not. Defense Secretary/CIA chief/Clinton hack Leon Panetta will reportedly keep 4,000 U.S. troops in Iraq for "training,"...

CIA Leaks Memo Telling CIA To Stop Leaking Memos

Uhh: WASHINGTON -- CIA director Leon Panetta is warning his employees that leakers will be investigated and possibly prosecuted after a flurry of reports in the media about the technology and methods used to track and ultimately kill Osama bin...

Barry Obama’s Donnie Darko ‘Easter’ Adventure

Greetings, asshandlers! 'Tis I, the greatest of Friday authoresses, here to impart wisdom and Journalistik Insightz about something other than the fucking Great White Wedding of the Year. While it is funzies to watch a nice rich inbred "English"...

Obama Nominates Leon Panetta To Lead War Department

Old-timey Clinton hack and current CIA Top Spy Leon Panetta is slated to take over the War Department! Do we mean, "The Department of Defense, Heil Hitler?" Nope! The War Department. Because when's the last time the United States...

Critic of Obama’s New War Robert Gates About To Be Out of a Job

Defense Secretary Robert Gates has been a little, uh, unenthusiastic (to put it in non-treasonous terms) about President Obama's new war venture in North Africa, as we noted yesterday. How often does the civilian leader of our nation's military...