legislative shitmuffin of the year award
Texas Rep. Michael Burgess: Ban Abortion, Because Fetuses Can’t Stop Masturbating
Golly, it’s been, what, a whole bunch of hours since someone on the right said something incredibly stupid about abortion, so we guess this is right on schedule: Texas Congressman Michael Burgess (R-Like We Had To Say “R”) has a whole new reason to ban abortion at 20 weeks, and maybe earlier: masturbating fetuses. Specifically, [...]
Georgia GOP Senate Candidate Paul Broun Fears IRS Papercut More Than Al Qaeda, Because They Are Same Thing
Do you cower in fear at the beginning of every April, with that fear intensifying until the middle of the month, when you have a nervous breakdown and open that Y2K bunker you stupidly built but now only use once a year? Because as we all know, the middle of the April is when the [...]
Hero Pennsylvania School Board Will Save Kids From Multiculti Literature, Like The Kind That Bombed Boston
Three members of Murrysville, Pennsylvania’s Franklin Regional School Board are Very Concerned about the potentially damaging contents of high school literature textbooks. Board members Larry Borland, Dennis Pavlik and Jane Tower made the case for inclusion of a new School Board category in Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award by objecting to…well, bad [...]
What Do Ladies Want, If They Even Know? A Debate By Two Republican Gentlemen
Nebraska and Oklahoma: Two neighboring states that proudly embrace their independent pioneer heritage, their rival university f’ball teams with silly names, and their domination by agribusiness interests — they are like power bottoms for Archer Daniels Midland! Both states also share a near-complete stranglehold on state politics by the GOP. (Oh sure, Nebraska’s weirdass unicameral [...]
Tennessee State Sen. Wreaks Horrific Revenge On Traffic Cam That Nabbed Him Speeding
You may recall how, back in April, Tennessee state Sen. Jon Lundberg bestowed upon himself a resolution declaring Tennessee state Sen. Jon Lundberg the kindest bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being in the history of EVER. This week, Sen. Lundberg, recognizing that he’ll never match his confrere Stacy Campfield in the sheer asshattery needed to [...]
Texas Lawmakers Celebrate ‘Gun Day’ With Gun Legislation Spree
As you probably heard, the National Rifle Association held its annual firearms-stroking meeting over the weekend in Houston. And where a lot of state legislatures would just pass a resolution declaring “Suck My Machine Gun Week” or some such, the Texas House instead celebrated the Holy Armed Presence by passing a dozen laws to make [...]
Louisiana Senate Kind Of Hates Real Science, But Pretty Much Fine With Voodoo
So, you may remember Zach Kopplin, the awesome 19 year old dude from Louisiana who’s been trying to overturn his state’s idiotic “Louisiana Science Education Act,” that state’s brilliant 2008 law that allows teachers to bring in “supplemental” materials when discussing science they don’t like, such as climate change or evolution. Sorry to say it, [...]
Three New Hampshire GOP Reps Want To Impeach Everyone Else, Because Tyranny
The Nashua, New Hampshire, Telegraph ran an editorial yesterday that started with a sigh of relief that the current session of that state’s legislature appeared to be just a bit more sane than previous years, which featured such delights as a birther bill to remove Barack Obama from the ballot and a proposal that would [...]
South Carolina Congressdude: Gun Background Checks Will Rwanda Us To Death
We must admit we are impressed. In a media environment where Everything Is Just Like Hitler, Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-South Carolina Like That’s A Surprise) proves once again that he is a master of analogy. Seeking a worst-case scenario for expanding background checks to cover gun shows and other private sales, he didn’t simply grab [...]
North Carolina Bill Would Require Criminal Background Checks For Food Stamp Applicants, Won’t Even Give Them Guns
It’s pretty darned encouraging to see that somebody is willing to take serious action on crime. And since we all know that crime results from poverty, what better way to reduce crime than by mandating criminal background checks on applicants for food stamps? A bill to do just that is the brainchild of North Carolina [...]
Utah Gun Lobbyist’s AR-15 Stolen Because SUV Couldn’t Defend Itself
In Salt Lake City, a lobbyist for gun enthusiasts will now have to march around holding his dick in one hand and nothing in his other, because his AR-15 was kinda sorta stolen from his locked SUV while it was parked in front of his home. If only he’d been armed! Condolence cards may be [...]
In Blatant Bid For House Science Committee, Washington State Rep Calls Bicylists Polluters
Remember how much fun we had laughing at Ronald Reagan’s jolly science fact about how trees cause pollution? And how it made absolutely no difference to anyone? You’ll be delighted to know that The Gipper’s example lives on, nurtured and sanctified by public servants like Washington state Rep. Ed Orcutt (R-SpringfieldTireFire), who patiently explained to [...]
Connecticut State Rep. Makes Peener Joke To Teen Girl Who Mentioned Snakes
Well, golly, it’s been at least a day or so since we’ve reported on some elected asshat saying something reprehensible in public, so obviously we’re overdue. This time around, the idiot is Connecticut Rep. Ernest Hewitt (D-OhForFuckssake), who last week decided that a dick joke would make for a perfect reply to a 17 year [...]
N.H. State Rep. Has Refreshingly Non-Judgmental Views On Wife Beating, ‘Cause Some People Are Into That, He Guesses
Hey, kids, looks like another candidate has tossed his asshat into the ring for our Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year contest! The newest contendah is New Hampshire state Rep. Mark Warden (R-Fuck This Guy), who was one of four members of an NH House committee to vote in favor of reducing the penalty for some [...]
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