Wonkette

Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) for his “National Corvette Day” bill, for its deserved praise of the “dependence on insanely expensive foreign oil” concept. You may read the bill after the jump, if you can afford it. MORE »

• OBAMA’S A LOSER: Uh oh, someone wants to look like a Tuff Guy by supporting illegal spying legislation that he previously… didn’t. And now every single comment board on the Internet will flood with great anti-Obama wits, writing “OOH WHOS YR DEM MESIAH NOW??” [Washington Post/The Trail]

While Hillary Clinton remains hidden in a secret Polynesian island bunker, where she drinks single malt scotch and eats artichoke hearts prepared by a cadre of Gypsy slaves all day long, she is still somehow doing her job as a fake Senator. Today she, along with fellow New York Senator Chuck Schumer and some Congressman, introduced an act of legislation to name U.S. Route 20A — in Buffalo — the “Timothy J. Russert Highway.” Because Tim Russert would have done the same thing. MORE »

Georgia state legislators are taking serious measures to curtail the dangerous sale of pot-flavored candy, saying it promotes use of the Devil Weed marijuana. And because this is the South, where every person’s name is a punch line, one of the prononents of the bill signed into law Wednesday was Senator Doug Stoner. MORE »

If hard-living state legislators have their way, bars in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area may stay open until 4 a.m. during the Republican National Convention in early September. One aggrieved tipster writes to Wonkette: “Sure, us regular alcoholics have to stop at 1:00AM and the Republicans get to drink till 4:00AM. What next, hooker discount coupons?” [KARE11.com]

George W. Bush is so callous. Not only is he having a War and all those other things we don’t like about him (we’ve forgotten because of the election!), but now he is taking oxygen away from old people with his precious “budget cuts.” MORE »

Finally, years of constantly checking the Georgia House of Representatives’ records have produced a veritable find! OK, so it’s from 1999, but we’ll bite anyway. Enter HR 1187: “A RESOLUTION inviting the South Forsyth High School Cheerleaders and their coaches to appear before the House of Representatives; and for other purposes.” … Go on? MORE »

While liberal webtards continue to call the Iraq Occupation a “failure” due to the hundreds of thousands of blown-up Iraqis, civil war and endless U.S. casualties, optimists point out that Iraq’s most precious resource will soon be available to all the western energy companies so cruelly kept away from the oilfields during Saddam Hussein’s reign.

Read the Good News the Main Stream Media won’t tell you, after the jump.

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