In big fat “can we just got on with this now” marijuana news, members of Congress introduced a bill this week to legalize pot on the federal level, and tax and regulate it like alcohol. Congressmen Jared Polis (D-Rocky Mtn High CO) and Earl Blumenauer (D-It’s fucking raining all the time what do you expect […]

Casually loathed industrialist Mitt Romney and his wife Ann, a stay-at-home mother of five middle-aged men, recently allowed the soothing but cunning Diane Sawyer unfettered access to the Romney home, raw and uncut, so that Mitt could remind the American public, again, of why they’re still not that into Mitt Romney. Okay, presumably that wasn’t […]

An Arizona law-etching ladyperson (“lady”) by the name of Terri Proud, Representative from Tucson, has decided that there just isn’t enough going on in the House and Senate right now in Arizona, even though there is, so how about a law saying that women should not just have to see a black-and-white moving image of […]

Oklahoma’s 10th Circuit Court of Appeals struck down Oklahoma’s proposed amendment to ban the use of Sharia law in the state Tuesday, helping to catapult this evil maneuver into oblivion. The court’s ruling upheld a lower court’s 2011 decision to block the amendment, which received 70 percent support when it was passed in a 2010 […]

Joe Biden has apparently been personally working very hard to get stuff passed, because at a fundraiser today, he said “the heavy lifting is over.” The boxes have been moved to America’s new apartment! The Hispanic fellows have been given a tip! And pizza has been ordered! Congratulations, the U.S. government is done for now, […]

Hey, we tried to make the headline concise, but these daily health care reform games are just nuts. Okay, so, TODAY’S INTERNET HEALTH CARE BABBLE RECAP: Rahm Emanuel told a newspaper that the White House would be open to the lamers’ version of health care reform, and then progressives went nuts, and then Obama released […]

LOOK EAST  9:47 pm June 24, 2009

Who Lost The Goddamn Wars?

by Jim Newell

Let’s hope our President finds the wars soon, and that the wars are safe. [NYT]

Goddammit. We began this week fueled by the fires of righteous indignation that those AIG twats were getting money, any money at all, from the government or anybody else, regardless of when it was awarded or for what purpose, because seriously what a crowd of worthless cocks. But now just several days later, our House […]

HATERS  11:42 am September 25, 2008

US Congress Plotting To Foil WALNUTS!

by Sara K. Smith

John McCain’s whole brilliant scheme to bail Sarah Palin out of the debates will only work if his Republican pals refuse to come up with a financial plan for saving America until … enh, Monday or so. But now it looks like everybody is getting on the same page and working together in the spirit […]

GOOD OPPO RESEARCH  4:31 pm September 18, 2008

by Jim Newell

WHY WAS SHE ALLOWED TO TALK IN THE FIRST PLACE: We want to start ignoring Sarah Palin FOREVER, but then this hilarious shit happens: “CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (CNN) – Sarah Palin likes to tell voters around the country about how she ‘put the government checkbook online’ in Alaska. On Thursday, Palin suggested she would take […]

Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to […]

WHORES  9:04 pm June 20, 2008

by Jim Newell

OBAMA’S A LOSER: Uh oh, someone wants to look like a Tuff Guy by supporting illegal spying legislation that he previously… didn’t. And now every single comment board on the Internet will flood with great anti-Obama wits, writing “OOH WHOS YR DEM MESIAH NOW??” [Washington Post/The Trail]

While Hillary Clinton remains hidden in a secret Polynesian island bunker, where she drinks single malt scotch and eats artichoke hearts prepared by a cadre of Gypsy slaves all day long, she is still somehow doing her job as a fake Senator. Today she, along with fellow New York Senator Chuck Schumer and some Congressman, […]