HEALTH CARE DRAMA: Rahm Says, ‘We Should Do The Lame Health Care Idea,’ Obama Pretends To ‘Walk It Back’ With Tricksy Statement From SOVIET UNION
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
Hey, we tried to make the headline concise, but these daily health care reform games are just nuts. Okay, so, TODAY’S INTERNET HEALTH CARE BABBLE RECAP: Rahm Emanuel told a newspaper that the White House would be open to the lamers’ version of health care reform, and then progressives went nuts, and then Obama released a statement from inside Lenin’s coffin supposedly “walking back” Rahm’s statement, and this is when the Halperins of the world started paying attention because it allowed them to write simple “Rahm vs. Obama” narratives, and then progressives actually read Obama’s “walk back” statement closely and saw that it was worded rather sneakily and wasn’t that different from what Rahm said in the first place, and now no one will ever be able to see a doctor again and we’ll all die and go to Hell, where this debate will presumably resume in another 10 to 20 years. MORE »
Let’s hope our President finds the wars soon, and that the wars are safe. [
Goddammit. We began this week fueled by the fires of righteous indignation that those AIG twats were getting money, any money at all, from the government or anybody else, regardless of when it was awarded or for what purpose, because seriously what a crowd of worthless cocks. But now just several days later, our House of Representatives has gone ahead and “channeled the people’s rage” with the dumbest legislation since Terry Schiavo, which has cleverly backed all your liberal bloggers into reassessing this whole KILL THE WEALTHY MEATSTICKS approach. 
John McCain’s whole brilliant scheme to bail Sarah Palin out of the debates will only work if his Republican pals refuse to come up with a financial plan for saving America until … enh, Monday or so. But now it looks like everybody is getting on the same page and working together in the spirit of bipartisan compromise and suchlike! This is good, maybe, for America, but bad for Walnuts. 
WHY WAS SHE ALLOWED TO TALK IN THE FIRST PLACE: We want to start ignoring Sarah Palin FOREVER, but then this hilarious shit happens: “CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (CNN) – Sarah Palin likes to tell voters around the country about how she ‘put the government checkbook online’ in Alaska. On Thursday, Palin suggested she would take that same proposal to Washington … There’s just one problem with proposing to put the federal checkbook online — somebody’s already done it. His name is Barack Obama.” [
Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) for his 
While Hillary Clinton remains hidden in a secret Polynesian island bunker, where she drinks single malt scotch and eats artichoke hearts prepared by a cadre of Gypsy slaves all day long, she is still somehow doing her job as a fake Senator. Today she, along with fellow New York Senator Chuck Schumer and some Congressman, 
Georgia state legislators are taking serious measures to curtail the dangerous sale of pot-flavored candy, saying it promotes use of the Devil Weed marijuana. And because this is the South, where every person’s name is a punch line, one of the prononents of the bill signed into law Wednesday was Senator Doug Stoner. 
If hard-living state legislators have their way, bars in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area may stay open until 4 a.m. during the Republican National Convention in early September. One aggrieved tipster writes to Wonkette: “Sure, us regular alcoholics have to stop at 1:00AM and the Republicans get to drink till 4:00AM. What next, hooker discount coupons?” [
George W. Bush is so callous. Not only is he having a War and all those other things we don’t like about him (we’ve forgotten because of the election!), but now he is taking oxygen away from old people with his precious “budget cuts.” 