Tag Archives: legislation

  like peter tosh said legalize it

Congress Trying Pot Again

In big fat “can we just got on with this now” marijuana news, members of Congress introduced a bill this week to legalize pot on the federal level, and tax and regulate it like alcohol. Congressmen Jared Polis (D-Rocky Mtn High CO) and Earl Blumenauer (D-It’s fucking raining all the time what do you expect us to do? OR) wrote a bill that would make the evil weed legal and taxable on the federal level, and allow states to decide what they want to do locally. And these guys think this shit has a chance to pass! They are so cute. But here’s hoping this guy isn’t just all toked up on some sweet Northern Lights. “It’s just come to a head,” (see what he did there?) says Blumenauer, “This is largely going to be resolved in the next five years.” Read more on Congress Trying Pot Again…
  how to talk dirty and influence people

Mitt Romney: Legislation Is For Letting Me Hide My Tax Returns, Not For Giving You Health Care

Casually loathed industrialist Mitt Romney and his wife Ann, a stay-at-home mother of five middle-aged men, recently allowed the soothing but cunning Diane Sawyer unfettered access to the Romney home, raw and uncut, so that Mitt could remind the American public, again, of why they’re still not that into Mitt Romney. Okay, presumably that wasn’t really Mitt’s intention but that’s how this most recent charm offensive went down. For example, Mitt thought to win our favor by making believe that dinner table banter at the Romney household used to involve “humor of one kind or another, most of which can’t be repeated on the air.” And, indeed, how easy it is to picture Mitt and Ann, their cheeks bulging with Skoal, cracking open a couple more Miller Lites and chortling bodily as the young Tagg and Dack take turns imitating their favorite Lenny Bruce bits. That probably actually happened, in an undiscovered painting by Dalí that the artist thought a touch too surreal and tucked away at his summer place on Neptune. But the most sordid revelation (with some actual believability) was Mitt’s admission–revolutionary, for a Republican presidential candidate in 2012–that legislation passed by the Congress may actually reflect the will of the “American public,” so long as that legislation lets Romney keep his tax returns, dodgily, leagues from any hint of public scrutiny. Read more on Mitt Romney: Legislation Is For Letting Me Hide My Tax Returns, Not For Giving You Health Care…
  the most regrettable state of all

Arizona Lawmaker Woman Wants Women To Watch An Abortion Before Having One

An Arizona law-etching ladyperson (“lady”) by the name of Terri Proud, Representative from Tucson, has decided that there just isn’t enough going on in the House and Senate right now in Arizona, even though there is, so how about a law saying that women should not just have to see a black-and-white moving image of a living zygote prior to having an abortion, but should watch an actual abortion be performed before having one themselves? Yes. Finally. Read more on Arizona Lawmaker Woman Wants Women To Watch An Abortion Before Having One…
  duh moments

Court Strikes Down Oklahoma’s Sinister Ban of Sharia Law

Oklahoma’s 10th Circuit Court of Appeals struck down Oklahoma’s proposed amendment to ban the use of Sharia law in the state Tuesday, helping to catapult this evil maneuver into oblivion. The court’s ruling upheld a lower court’s 2011 decision to block the amendment, which received 70 percent support when it was passed in a 2010 referendum. The amendment was essentially an Islamophobic attempt to define what it means to live in America. Muneer Awad, a community leader in Oklahoma, filed a suit in response to the amendment, saying that if passed, it “would affect every aspect of his life, including his will and testament.” Read more on Court Strikes Down Oklahoma’s Sinister Ban of Sharia Law…
  closing time

Sweaty, Panting Biden Says ‘Heavy Lifting’ Is Done

Joe Biden has apparently been personally working very hard to get stuff passed, because at a fundraiser today, he said “the heavy lifting is over.” The boxes have been moved to America’s new apartment! The Hispanic fellows have been given a tip! And pizza has been ordered! Congratulations, the U.S. government is done for now, and you no longer need to pay attention to politics until after the midterm elections, because Joe Biden says so. Read more on Sweaty, Panting Biden Says ‘Heavy Lifting’ Is Done…
  massive massive pussies

HEALTH CARE DRAMA: Rahm Says, ‘We Should Do The Lame Health Care Idea,’ Obama Pretends To ‘Walk It Back’ With Tricksy Statement From SOVIET UNION

Hey, we tried to make the headline concise, but these daily health care reform games are just nuts. Okay, so, TODAY’S INTERNET HEALTH CARE BABBLE RECAP: Rahm Emanuel told a newspaper that the White House would be open to the lamers’ version of health care reform, and then progressives went nuts, and then Obama released a statement from inside Lenin’s coffin supposedly “walking back” Rahm’s statement, and this is when the Halperins of the world started paying attention because it allowed them to write simple “Rahm vs. Obama” narratives, and then progressives actually read Obama’s “walk back” statement closely and saw that it was worded rather sneakily and wasn’t that different from what Rahm said in the first place, and now no one will ever be able to see a doctor again and we’ll all die and go to Hell, where this debate will presumably resume in another 10 to 20 years. Read more on HEALTH CARE DRAMA: Rahm Says, ‘We Should Do The Lame Health Care Idea,’ Obama Pretends To ‘Walk It Back’ With Tricksy Statement From SOVIET UNION…
  letdowns

Dumb Congress Ruins Perfectly Good Week Of Outrage

Goddammit. We began this week fueled by the fires of righteous indignation that those AIG twats were getting money, any money at all, from the government or anybody else, regardless of when it was awarded or for what purpose, because seriously what a crowd of worthless cocks. But now just several days later, our House of Representatives has gone ahead and “channeled the people’s rage” with the dumbest legislation since Terry Schiavo, which has cleverly backed all your liberal bloggers into reassessing this whole KILL THE WEALTHY MEATSTICKS approach. Read more on Dumb Congress Ruins Perfectly Good Week Of Outrage…
  haters

US Congress Plotting To Foil WALNUTS!

John McCain’s whole brilliant scheme to bail Sarah Palin out of the debates will only work if his Republican pals refuse to come up with a financial plan for saving America until … enh, Monday or so. But now it looks like everybody is getting on the same page and working together in the spirit of bipartisan compromise and suchlike! This is good, maybe, for America, but bad for Walnuts. Read more on US Congress Plotting To Foil WALNUTS!…
  good oppo research

WHY WAS SHE ALLOWED TO TALK IN THE FIRST PLACE: We want to start ignoring Sarah Palin FOREVER, but then this hilarious shit happens: “CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (CNN) – Sarah Palin likes to tell voters around the country about how she ‘put the government checkbook online’ in Alaska. On Thursday, Palin suggested she would take that same proposal to Washington … There’s just one problem with proposing to put the federal checkbook online — somebody’s already done it. His name is Barack Obama.” [CNN] Read more on …
  america's congress

BREAKING: HOUSE PASSES SWEEPING ‘NATIONAL CORVETTE DAY’ LEGISLATION, MAKING OIL COST LIKE FOUR CENTS

Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) for his “National Corvette Day” bill, for its deserved praise of the “dependence on insanely expensive foreign oil” concept. You may read the bill after the jump, if you can afford it. Read more on BREAKING: HOUSE PASSES SWEEPING ‘NATIONAL CORVETTE DAY’ LEGISLATION, MAKING OIL COST LIKE FOUR CENTS…
  whores

OBAMA’S A LOSER: Uh oh, someone wants to look like a Tuff Guy by supporting illegal spying legislation that he previously… didn’t. And now every single comment board on the Internet will flood with great anti-Obama wits, writing “OOH WHOS YR DEM MESIAH NOW??” [Washington Post/The Trail] Read more on …
  tim russert ended slavery

Hillary Clinton Cares About Tim Russert The Most!

While Hillary Clinton remains hidden in a secret Polynesian island bunker, where she drinks single malt scotch and eats artichoke hearts prepared by a cadre of Gypsy slaves all day long, she is still somehow doing her job as a fake Senator. Today she, along with fellow New York Senator Chuck Schumer and some Congressman, introduced an act of legislation to name U.S. Route 20A — in Buffalo — the “Timothy J. Russert Highway.” Because Tim Russert would have done the same thing. Read more on Hillary Clinton Cares About Tim Russert The Most!…
 

Stoner Helps Ban Sale Of Weed Candy

Georgia state legislators are taking serious measures to curtail the dangerous sale of pot-flavored candy, saying it promotes use of the Devil Weed marijuana. And because this is the South, where every person’s name is a punch line, one of the prononents of the bill signed into law Wednesday was Senator Doug Stoner. Read more on Stoner Helps Ban Sale Of Weed Candy…
 

Republican National Convention Fixing To Be 4 AM Rager

If hard-living state legislators have their way, bars in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area may stay open until 4 a.m. during the Republican National Convention in early September. One aggrieved tipster writes to Wonkette: “Sure, us regular alcoholics have to stop at 1:00AM and the Republicans get to drink till 4:00AM. What next, hooker discount coupons?” [KARE11.com] Read more on Republican National Convention Fixing To Be 4 AM Rager…
 

George Bush Steals Oxygen From Old People

George W. Bush is so callous. Not only is he having a War and all those other things we don’t like about him (we’ve forgotten because of the election!), but now he is taking oxygen away from old people with his precious “budget cuts.” Read more on George Bush Steals Oxygen From Old People…