Tag Archives: legalize it

  buzzkills

Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man

Colorado is coming up on its one-year weediversary! In keeping with the paper gift traditionally given on first anniversaries, two of its neighbors went in on a lovingly handcrafted lawsuit. In the most serious legal challenge to date against Colorado’s legalization of marijuana, two neighboring states have asked the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down the history-making law. Read more on Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man…
  don't bogart the vote

Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?

Our great nation is in danger of falling under the influence of Reefer Madness this Election Day, with weed-related ballot questions in three states plus that fake state the “District of Columbia.” America, what has gotten into you? It’s almost like rational adults started interpreting statistics that say marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol to mean that they should maybe try making pot not such a huge crime. Read more on Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?…
  Burning Issues: The Week In Weed

House Passes ‘No Welfare For Weed’ Bill, Which Fails To Ban Welfare For Weed

After coming back from a five-week “district work period” for eight action-packed days of legislating, members of the House and Senate went slinking out of DC on Thursday while mumbling over their shoulders that they’d be on email if anything should come up before the midterm elections. No worries, since all the important stuff got done: both chambers passed a stopgap funding bill to avert a shutdown showdown until just before Christmas, Trey Gowdy got to have all his friends over for his Benghazi Party, and the House of Representatives even found time to pretend they banned people who get government assistance from buying marijuana in those heathen enclaves where such a thing can be done legally. Read more on House Passes ‘No Welfare For Weed’ Bill, Which Fails To Ban Welfare For Weed…
  they literally put a bird on it

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Scaling New Heights Of Wedding Absurdity Edition

OK, before you do anything else today and before we really delve into today’s New York Times, go read the single most terribawesome wedding/celebration article the NYT has ever written. We’ll wait right here. Done? What was your favorite part? Was it the part where she had “Ophelia-like boots” back in the 1990s? (We do not even know what that means.) Was it the fact that the bride will just “hop on a plane to Bahrain or wherever just to visit somebody” LIKE WE ALL DO? Was it the fact that dude loved her from afar for 20 years and asked her to marry him on what was basically their first grown up date? Was it the fact that the bride has a sister who is a milliner in Beijing? How about the part where they spent their wedding night in “a tent lined with Indian saris in a bamboo grove on the Koch property” so they could be close to nature? Naw, it is probably that they believe they are stardust creatures like Woodstock or whatevs. Or maybe the fact that they LITERALLY PUT A BIRD ON IT by having “two interlocked starlings that adorned the bride’s head.” Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Scaling New Heights Of Wedding Absurdity Edition…
  larry curly moe & hemp

Nice Time! Colorado Hemp Farmers Boldly Grow Where No Man Has Grown Before

In excellent news for everyone who’s ever harangued you about the marvels of industrial-grade hemp (which is not pot, no it isn’t, and legalizing it has nothing to do with trying to legalize the smokable stuff, man, it’s just good ecology and good economics!*), a few pioneering Colorado farmers are bringing in their first harvests under the state’s new law allowing the production of the sturdy miracle plant. It’s still illegal to grow under federal law, but presumably the Justice Department’s policy of not interfering with state marijuana laws will also apply to hemp. So now that you’ve got your precious industrial hemp, will you hippies please stop trying to get us to buy your goddamn macramé? Thanks. Read more on Nice Time! Colorado Hemp Farmers Boldly Grow Where No Man Has Grown Before…
  like peter tosh said

John McCain Just Wants To Get Hiiiiiiiiiiigh

We told you about John McCain’s dumb town hall — it included a dude with marshmallows, which we guess is a better town hall prop than an AK, or a brick. But what we did not tell you, because we did not know it, is that John McCain thinks it is time for you to get hiiiiiiiiigh. Some dude tweeted it, so it is totally true: McCain: “Maybe we should legalize. We’re certainly moving that way as far as marijuana is concerned. I respect the will of the people” Might this sexplain some Things? Read more on John McCain Just Wants To Get Hiiiiiiiiiiigh…
  we hear they wear birkenstocks also too

Hippies At Seattle P.D. Will Feed You Snacks For Your Trip On ‘The Pot’

Would you like to know what it looks like when police are not busy arresting 750,000 people A YEAR for getting “high” on the pot? That is so many arrests, but how else are you going to put all the black people in jail? (Sorry black people, you are three times more likely to be arrested for Reefer Madness than white people, even though you use the marijuana the same amount, it is so funny, you are probably rolling in hilarity, emphasis on “high,” am I right?!) Anyway, that is beside the point — OR IS IT?? — because the Seattle PD is being adorable again and handing out crunchy salty snacks to all the stoners at the Hempfest this weekend. Read more on Hippies At Seattle P.D. Will Feed You Snacks For Your Trip On ‘The Pot’…
  Stems and Seeds of Liberty

Idaho State Senator Loves States’ Rights But Not For Demon Weed

If there’s anything your wingnuts love, it’s the hallowed concept of States’ Rights. Your modern wingnut says the states should never have to knuckle under to Federal tyranny, because freedom! In the Great State of Idaho, one of the freedom-lovingest Freedomeers is State Sen. Chuck Winder (rhymes with “splinter”), who loves freedom so much that he supported a 2011 bill to nullify health care reform, and has also signed on to efforts to allow health-care providers to refuse to provide health care for slutty women. He loves states’ freedom so much that he thinks states should be free to make slutty women undergo a transvaginal ultrasound before getting an abortion, because the state has an interest in making sure babbies get borned. So here’s a man who loves freedom for states, which is good for everyone else’s freedom, too, except slutty ladies, of course. But Sen. Winder is also a deeply moral man, and he has serious concerns about what other states have been doing, particularly those stoners next door in Washington, where the voters got tired of having to guard their stashes with alligators and just plain legalized the filthy weed. So Winder has introduced two bills in the current session of the Idaho Lege, one of which will promise to keep pot illegal in the state forever and ever, and the other one a “non-binding memorial calling on the federal government to enforce federal anti-drug laws in all states,” including those with medical marijuana laws. Because Chuck Winder would do anything for states’ rights, but he won’t do THAT. Read more on Idaho State Senator Loves States’ Rights But Not For Demon Weed…
  racistly strange bedfellows

Pat Robertson Calls For Pot Legalization, Ruins Everything

Pat Robertson, the 81-year-old titan of Goddist bombast, has proven that some boxed sacks of two-buck chuck age well if you can wait eight decades and have nothing else to drink, not even water. Robertson experienced a brief tic of normalcy when he came out of the marijuana closet this week, telling the New York Times in an interview, “I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol.” SENILITY. This has prompted a verbal kiss from LEAP, that group of law enforcement peeps that support marijuana legalization: “I love him, man, I really do,” said its executive director Neill Franklin, forgetting everything. How does Pat plan to show his love? Despite an impoverished Caribbean island-sized amount of evidence to the contrary, Robertson wants to warn everybody that he is “not a crusader.” Read more on Pat Robertson Calls For Pot Legalization, Ruins Everything…
  le sigh

Pot Fanatics Ruin Obama’s Attempt to Talk About Serious Things Again

In another failed attempt to have a Serious Discussion about things that allegedly matter to the American people, like the invisibility of jobs, the mirage-like appearance of money and the light-as-air noggins of the land’s lawmakers, the White House held a contest to see which American person-submitted questions President Obama should answer in a YouTube Q&A happening Monday afternoon, another installment of a thing they call “Your Interview With the President.” AS USUAL, the people took a vote and said DRUGS! Basically everything was about drugs. The things that weren’t about drugs had to be flagged for removal due to inappropriateness. Americant! Read more on Pot Fanatics Ruin Obama’s Attempt to Talk About Serious Things Again…
  suggestion box

White House Will Now Pretend To Listen To Everyone’s Crazy Ideas

Hey, America! Do you have ideas? Do you think that maybe everyone should be able to smoke lots of weed, or drive in cars without seat belts, or that we should all be ruled by robots, instead of Barack Obama or, Allah-forbid, Rick Perry? Well, terrific, because now the White House will humor you with its brand new socialist program, “We the People.” Now, any meth addict or homeless person inside the local library can come up with a suggestion for this country, and at least for a second believe that it might actually come true. Here is the secret, though: it never will! Read more on White House Will Now Pretend To Listen To Everyone’s Crazy Ideas…
  dope politics

Mexican President Fears California Will Ruin His Pot Business

Wake up, West Coast dope hippies! If voters approve California’s Proposition 19, everything will be ruined for Mexico’s farmers, soldiers, and cops! Thus speaks Don Pito Calderone, the top narco-capo of the República de México who moonlights as a Napoleonic president. Here’s the shocking headline from the Guadalajara daily Informador: “Calderon: Problems for Mexico if California Legalizes Marijuana.” Read more on Mexican President Fears California Will Ruin His Pot Business…
  say no to drugs say yes to tacos

HIPPIE ALERT: Weed Is Going To Be Legal Soon In California

First the California Hippie Unions backed this so-called Legalize It law. And now normal, not-union hippies (the rest of California) support it. Oh dear, weed: In a new Field Poll of likely voters in the Nov. 2 election, the state’s Proposition 19 marijuana initiative leads by a 49 percent to 42 percent margin. Read more on HIPPIE ALERT: Weed Is Going To Be Legal Soon In California…
  say no to drugs say yes to tacos

‘Smoke That Weed,’ Says Important California Union

America is one step closer to being encapsulated in an enormous hippie bong cloud, thanks to the evil unions: Adam Nagourney reports that one of California’s most powerful unions, the Service Employees International Union, has come out in support of a ballot measure to make California the first state to legalize the sale and use of marijuana. The decision offers the proposition a shot of mainstream legitimacy as well as a potential financial and organizational lift. Read more on ‘Smoke That Weed,’ Says Important California Union…
  stoners

Barney Frank and Ron Paul Will Get Us High

Famous liberal Barney Frank has aligned with famous Internet character Ron Paul and three other congresspeople to make the Marijuana legal, finally, in America! The bill is called the “Act to Remove Federal Penalties for Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults,” which sounds very responsible, and would make it federally legal to possess up to 100 grams of weed, for smoking or cooking or however you like to get high. But wingnut states can continue to have crazy laws against the Mexican Loco Weed, because of Ron Paul’s state rights! Read more on Barney Frank and Ron Paul Will Get Us High…
  lives of the slum dwellers

OBAMA BRO BUSTED FOR ONE JOINT! Oh noes, one of Barack Obama’s million half-brothers somewhere got arrested, for having a single joint. Where does this dude live, Oklahoma? No, the slums of Kenya! So the cops are just going to fuck with anyone named “Obama” for the next eight years. [Gawker/Telegraph] Read more on …