Dearest Wonkette readers. Now would be an appropriate time to grab a drink and reassess the value of, you know, representative democracy as an effective form of government at all. If you’ve been watching CNN for the last couple of hours… well, we’re right there with you. Oh god CNN is now looking at Internet comments to get more opinions on the Death Of The Bailout. INTERNET COMMENTS. We want forty guns right now with which to shoot furniture, appliances, alley cats and, most importantly, our own human selves. Let’s run through a list of the comically pathetic ways in which our American political leaders are “responding” to the failed bailout vote. Hint: very few people are blaming themselves! MORE »

When the Republicans lose virtually every election they run in this November, they will take about two minutes to do some “somber soul-searching” before they elect a whole new generation of corrupt swine to replace the shameful failed old guard. But wait for the shocking twist: the new Republican leadership will have a least a few members who aren’t ancient or gay. Meet your new Republican overlords, after the jump! MORE »