Tag: lawyers

We won't, we promise.

Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder Hires Fancy New Lawyers, Just In Case He’s A Giant Criminal

Rick Snyder, governor of Michigan, has been telling us for a million days now how it's not HIS fault the water in Flint is made of lead mucus pube sludge. It's the feds' fault! It's the government's fault! (Huh?) Or...
Anna, divorce can be really great. You should try it.

Josh Duggar’s Penis Banned From TLC, Maybe From His Wife Too

There comes a time several times a day when we get an email that says "gross thing about Duggar family, please read." So here's a new development, and it's about the gross "Josh Duggar" character, who is currently serving...
haw haw haw

Alaska Republican Will Sue You If You Broadcast His Butt-Dials

Here's a fun legal question for all you lawyerly types out there: do two-party consent rules apply to audio recordings arising from butt-dials? Answer: we have no idea, but two Alaska Republicans sure hope they do! In 2008, Dan Coffey (R-Recently Changed His...

Federalist Society 2014: Conservalawyers Throw Constitution Terrible Party

If you were in the nation's capital over the weekend, you might have sensed a certain something in the air. Beyond DC's typical ambient pomposity, there was an extra whiff of self-satisfied libertarianism and an elevated concentration of unironic bowties in the area...
Your modern 'ethical standards' frighten and confuse me

Stupid Prosecutors Tried To Get Prison Time For Felon Dinesh D’Souza, Unfair!

Tuesday was the day of reckoning for fish-lipped poop goblin Dinesh D’Souza to stand tall before The Man and learn his sentence for funneling illegal donations to a friend’s senate campaign. Both prosecutors and defense lawyers had submitted sentencing...
Kerry Bentivolio

Kerry Bentivolio’s Wild Reindeer Ride Through Congress Is Almost Over

In Kerry Bentivolio's short legislative career, brought to you by the staggering incompetence and possible sabotage of the dunces on his predecessor's campaign staff, the reindeer-wrangler-turned-congressman has fought for his tea party values, dreamed dreams of impeachment, and promised to look into which...

Griftiness, Bill O’Reilly, Atari Cartridges, And Assorted Other Sundry Happy Links

Did you know about this super-grifty dude who was head of the Los Angeles branch of the NAACP? He is gone now, probably because of how he was big pals with Donald Sterling. Also because grifty. Bill O'Reilly is obsessed...

Nice Time: Falsely Convicted Man Uses Settlement For Scholarship To Make More Bleeding Heart Defense Lawyers

Much though we love feeding you guys a constant diet of anger porn, once in a while we come across a story where just about everybody gets a hug (but only if it's consensual). And from the always-awesome Texas...

Pennsylvania GOP Governor Logically Compares Gay People To Dumb Little Children

Pennsylvania Republican Governor Tom Corbett is not a happy man. He is bound and determined to stop a county-level municipal employee from spreading human rights and dignity, because that is not appropriate on Corbett’s watch. Since July 24, a Montgomery...

Justice Department Now Paying Experienced Lawyers With Exposure Bucks, Whore Diamonds

What a tempting offer for our nation's cadre of experienced lawyers: work for the Justice Department, reviewing applications for wiretaps in major federal criminal investigations. Probably this is pretty easy, given (as we've recently learned) that there is no...

Here Are Your ‘Winning’ Bradlee Dean Pix ‘N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)

After we received a delightful phoney-baloney legal threat from Expert Showman Bradlee Dean's assistant lickspittle, just because we supposably "defamed" Dean by directly quoting him, we asked you, the Wonkettariat, to show us your fauxto chops and serve...

Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!

Hey, remember today? When we got that hilares letter informing us that we better, like, say sorry or something, and DEFINITELY take down all that libel-y stuff about one Mr. Herr Doktor Bradlee Dean? Well, some of you asked...

Super Appropriate Professional Holiday Card: Sexy Santa Goes To Thailand

This will come as no surprise to most of you, dear readers, but sometimes lawyers are really terrible people with low social skills. From the weird commercials (no really go watch it now now now because there is a...

Did Elizabeth Warren Illegally Practice Law In Massachusetts, By Which We Mean New Jersey?

After War Whoop Tuesday, it has been literally hours since someone made an offensively stupid allegation about Elizabeth Warren in the Massachusetts Senate race. Never fear, though - there's an endless supply! Cornell law professor William Jacobson alleges that Warren practiced...

Charlie Crist Now Making Local TeeVee Ads, Working For Ambulance Chaser

UPDATED 1:11 pm Look, it's "Attorney Charlie Crist," that orange guy who was going to be running for president this year if he had only decided to keep his job as governor. He would like you to visit his...

Christine O’Donnell’s Lawyer Will ‘Fix’ Campaign Docs To Please FBI Aurors

Christine O’Donnell’s lawyer has told the FEC that she will be going through O’Donnell’s campaign spending records to "fix" things. So the FBI really doesn't even need to investigate her, because all of the money spent on her daily...