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Posts Tagged ‘lawsuits’

PROMINENT ALASKANS

Levi Johnston Sues Twitter And Bristol, The Website And Human, Respectively

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Levi Johnston has decided to sue the only two things he is aware of: the popular Internet website Twitter and also his ex-girlfriend Bristol Palin for custody of their child, Twitter. Regarding lawsuit one: the actor William Shatner embarrassed Johnston on the Conan O’Brien show by falsely and illegally reading aloud a succession of Tweets that Levi Johnston has never even seen before. Oh and re: Bristol: Apparently it was just a hassle or whatever to visit the kid over the weekend, last weekend he thinks it was, and now he is going to court about it. “He goes on to say that he’s tried the friendly way and it’s ‘Not working. I’m done. It’s going to have to go to court. They just finally pushed me over the edge.’” Ha ha Levi Johnston is so bored. [The Insider; Daily Intel]


AMERICA'S COURT SYSTEM

Um, Would You Like Orly Taitz To Pay Twenty Thousand In Dollars… Or Freedom?

Friday, October 16th, 2009

When we last checked in with Orly Taitz, the Birther movement’s most lifelike paralegal-opthamologist, she was still wandering around Earth, suing the shit out of anything that she stumbled across as she struggled to crawl back to Hell, or possibly some sort of Space Hell. Comical judge Clay Land told her to seriously just stop, because he’s going to fine her $20,000. And this is just what he did! So now, $20,000 later, Orly’s like, “Oh forgive me my ignorance Clay Land, I am not even from this planet and did not realize it’s cool to legislate fascism from the bench.” MORE »


BIRTHERS IN THE NEWS

‘Birther Soldier’ Basically Fires Orly Taitz, Who Claims Letter ‘Birther Soldier’ Wrote Was Forged, Etc… Huh?

Monday, September 21st, 2009

Nancy Grace, space versionThe latest escapade from “queen birther,” the esteemed dentist-lawyer Orly Taitz, is moving forward quite rapidly and is hilarious and hopefully there will be no more updates during the writing of this post because HOLD UP ONE SECOND, PLEASE, OKAY? MORE »


AWW

Judge Mocks Giuliani Son’s Lawsuit Over Being Kicked Off Golf Team

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009

Last year Rudy Giuliani’s humble son Andrew, then a student at Duke, sued the university for kicking him off its varsity golf team, a move that “interferred with Giuliani’s efforts toward becoming a professional golfer,” the right to which is, what, Seventh Amendment? Eighth? (Second.) Yesterday a U.S. Magistrate Judge recommended dismissing the case in a SNARKY opinion that just eviscerates this brat, with “golf humor.” Ever seen a judge reject a plaintiff’s “promissory estoppel claim” by quoting a line from Caddyshack? [The Smoking Gun]


JOIN @NEWTGINGRICH FOR GAY STUFF

Thursday, May 14th, 2009
  • NEWT GINGRICH WILL NOT SUE TWITTER: But that doesn’t mean he can spell! “A false story was planted this morning about my sueing twitter. This is totally false and we have repudiated it with the media.” Jesus, this guy and Olbermann have some nerve. Can you famous people PLEASE stick to the false stories that have been reported about you? [Twitter]

AWW

Joe The Plumber Sues Ohio For Hurting His Feelings

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

'Joooooeeeee the Lion, went to the bar...'Joe the goddamn Plumber is suing a few gals in Ohio, state employees to be exact, for cheating with their computers! This latest publicity stunt of a civil action states that these three “violated his privacy when they gathered his personal information in a records search,” which they were not allowed to do. You may remember that this personal information included the revelations that his name was not Joe, that he was not a Plumber, and that he had a tax lien on his house. And it was only after the public learned about this things that Samuel Wurzelbacher really hit Jackpot! MORE »


WHO?

John McCain’s Sexy Lobbyist Friend Sues NYT For $27 Million That It Doesn’t Have

Tuesday, December 30th, 2008

Dig through your memory of the 20 trillion mini-scandals that defined the ceaseless 2-hour news cycle we called the “2008 Presidential Election” and you may remember a liberal New York Times story that was structured something like this: (a) [first few grafs] CORPORATE LIAR & ADULTERER JOHN MCCAIN VIOLENTLY BANGS THE HELL OUT OF THIS NON-WIFE CORPORATE LOBBYIST HARLOT, FOR BLOOD MONEY (b) [segue graf] Ha ha just kidding, well maybe, just that some dude told us that (c) [the final 95% of the story] There are a few modest ambiguities in John McCain’s Senate record, the end. The Times was attacked from both the left and the right for this needless, comical story. The lobbyist gal McCain was obviously boning befriending, Vicki Iseman, surely had her life destroyed, so now she’s suing the New York Times for a $27 million cash prize which will almost certainly bankrupt the newspaper. Vicki Iseman, ha ha, holy shit! Blast from the past! [AP]


LAMERS

Andrew Giuliani Throws Apples At People

Friday, September 12th, 2008

Over the summer we mentioned that Andrew Giuliani, the son of 9/11, was suing Duke University because “he was wrongfully kicked off the golf team,” because talent should have had nothing to do with whether he made the cut on a sports team. But maybe this stuff does: “Duke said in a court filing Wednesday that the 22-year-old Giuliani was properly suspended after throwing an apple in the face of another player, breaking a golf club during a tournament, injuring a teammate and becoming verbally abusive with a coach.” Andrew denies all of this, which brings us back to the original argument: that he sucks at golf. [Charlotte Observer via Above The Law]


ELECTORAL HIGH SCHOOL

Which State Will Host This Election’s Worst Voting Debacle?

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

FAILEvery four years, a mysterious combination of negligence, incompetence, fraud, and criminality conspire to make a single state responsible for getting some doofus into the White House. In 2000, Florida took the honor; in 2004, it was Ohio. And every four years, Hendrik Hertzberg writes angry editorials about how the whole electoral college should be bombed from space as a Republican takes office yet again. So which state will we be able to blame when Sarah Palin is hastily sworn in as America’s 45th president after John McCain expires from gout and agues in the spring of 2009? MORE »


LAWSUITS

Lucky Ex-NYC Cop Fed Pot Meatballs

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

a great way to complement your super tuberAn ex-NYC counterterrorism cop who was suspended and ultimately fired for failing a drug test is claiming his wife laced a meatball recipe with pot because she thought his job would kill him or something. He’s using that excuse in a suit he’s just filed against the NYPD, which will either continue to not give a shit or start not giving a new shit in response. MORE »


AP

Saturday, November 24th, 2007

Oral Roberts University President Richard Roberts, who has been on a leave of absence since Cocktober, resigned Friday, effective immediately. Satan’s forces are advancing! The pants party don’t never stop. [AP]