Tag: law

Pence Appoints Totally Random Non-Law-Practicing Lady As Indiana Judge, Because Go F*ck Yourself Is Why

Her only job experience has been running Sylvan Learning Centers. That is not a joke.
HISTORY FACT.

Idaho Lawmaker Will Make Sure Kids Learn Science Directly From King James Bible

You know how stupid liberal science textbooks are. They're all, "Once upon a time there was nothing, but then the universe banged itself real hard, and then a bunch of atoms shot out and landed on earth and turned into...
That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talkin' guy.

Florida Tries To Ban Teen Sexting, Forgets One Small Detail

Florida’s brilliant legislature was in such a rush to get tough on sexxxy teens sending hawt newd pix to one another that they forgot to make their law enforceable in court. Oops! Earlier this week, the Fourth District Court of...

We Promise You’ll Enjoy All The Exasperated Yelling In This New Rich Media NYT Lawyer Video

Good on the NYT for trying to keep up with the Cool Kids of New Media. For example, they've started Op-Docs, which are basically short editorial documentaries. Great idea, terrible name. Anyway, this week's Op-Doc is the dramatization of...

S.C. Gov. Candidate Loves Punching Women In The Face, Or Was A Defense Attorney (Same Thing)

A new ad implies that South Carolina’s Democratic candidate for governor, Vincent Sheheen, advocates punching your girlfriend in the face. Allegedly, Sheheen is not just soft on crime, he actually sides with criminals, supporting your right to rape and...

Commies at ‘Business Insider’ Just Cold Destroying Capitalism Now

How wonderful, the last time we checked in with Business Insider they were running articles on how you are not a winner if you want to see your wife and kids every so often, but now they are run...

A Silver Lining: For-Profit Prisons Will Let You Keep Pets!

Here is today's quiz about capitalism: if y0u are in the prison-running business and you want to make a profit, do you: a) staff the prison with as few people as possible (to save money on wages) b) provide prisoners with...

Texas Dingbat Ted Cruz Will Explain At You That Harvard Law Is Full of Government-Overthrowing Communists

Have you met Ted Cruz yet? He is the new face of crazy for the Republican party, and boy does he have it all -- the smug countenance of Paul Ryan! The poise of Joe McCarthy! And the batshit crazy...

Millions of Americans Can Breathe Sigh Of Relief Now That We Are Safe From Unlocked Phones

Good news everyone! We are relieved, we are SO relieved, because as of Saturday, there are criminal penalties (including jail time and a fine of up to $500,000) for unlocking your phone so you can switch cel phone providers. Is...

Justice Scalia Full Of Interesting Opinions About Your Sodomy

Justice Antonin Scalia wants everyone to just keep their panties on, everyone, because "We can disagree with one another on the law without taking it personally.” Totally! So when he says that laws forbidding abortion, the death penalty and...

Did Elizabeth Warren Illegally Practice Law In Massachusetts, By Which We Mean New Jersey?

After War Whoop Tuesday, it has been literally hours since someone made an offensively stupid allegation about Elizabeth Warren in the Massachusetts Senate race. Never fear, though - there's an endless supply! Cornell law professor William Jacobson alleges that Warren practiced...

Pennsylvania Judge: Voter ID Law Might Not Disenfranchise Like 700,000 Poor People, So, Upheld!

Pennsylvania passed a new voter ID law without an actual reason why they needed it, which led to the meanies at the ACLU suing because they hate partial democracy with largely arbitrary requirements. Today, a Pennsylvania state judge upheld...

Protesting Now Illegal, Basically

Look at what the freedom-hating Chinese government has done! They’ve gone and passed a law saying that it is illegal to enter a “restricted” area even if you didn’t know that the space was restricted, and also made it...

Ron Paul: An Enigma Wrapped in a Riddle Wrapped in the Constitution

Yesterday, we learned that noted constitutional scholar Ron Paul accepts and cashes his Social Security check even though it is “unconstitutional.” He did not say why, exactly, Social Security is unconstitutional (although Your Wonkette suspects it has something to do...

Egypt Bringing New Meaning To Term ‘Cold Fish’ (UPDATED!)

The mysterious land of Egypt has always been known for three things: Pyramids, the Sphinx and sex with dead people. Now husbands who have been married for years with the same wife may be able to enjoy a continuing...

Charlie Crist Now Making Local TeeVee Ads, Working For Ambulance Chaser

UPDATED 1:11 pm Look, it's "Attorney Charlie Crist," that orange guy who was going to be running for president this year if he had only decided to keep his job as governor. He would like you to visit his...