At yesterday’s White House Easter frolic, one very important event went virtually unremarked. Two of the Bush gals read incantations from the ancient Book of Sen-Dak to lull an unsupecting group of smooth-fleshed little ‘uns into a coma. The children were quickly clubbed over the head and hauled back to Cheney’s lair for an “egg hunt.” Terrible photos after the jump. MORE »

Five million years ago yesterday, the Lord Jesus died for our sins and then came back to say howdy and then went away again. For this very special reason America’s First Lady is hosting an event at the White House, in which the children of the nation roll eggs down a hill and learn about ocean conservation. MORE »

Here’s your beloved president, just after he landed in Waco, Texas. That’s where he goes for his vacations. Loves it there. Loves his dog, too. Good dog. Name’s Barney. “See over there, Barney? That’s where Clinton killed them Branch Koreans. Good people.” MORE »

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi got to go back to the rumored land of her ancestors. No, not Russia, Africa! Her last trip there was a royal dud, but this time she brought along friends: the boss, his wife, Josh Bolten, etc., and she got to see the boss dance! She got a pretty sash! She got molested by scary natives! And then she got back and nobody cared. Relive the magic, after the jump…

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Admit it: You see your president on the teevee, and you want to hit something — him, actually. You would like to hit him with a frying pan, perhaps, or a comical ACME anvil. Now, imagine having to share a house with George.

According to journalistic newspaper sources, George’s long-suffering wife Laura is basically beating the hell out of him all the time, and his face just a big scratched-up bruise. No wonder he ran off to Israel or Kuwait or wherever!

First Lady Laura’s Bloody Fight With Boozing Bush [GLOBE/Eschaton]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Listicles, of course, are the year-end gift writers give themselves. But you know what? It’s been such a peculiar year for the Condibot that it would be totally criminal not to look back and reflect on its thrilling awkwardness. Join me on an epic journey through my personal (hey, get your own column!) favorite special moments in Dr. Ferragamo’s 2007, and my picks for AP’s Condirazzi photos of the year, after the jump…

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Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Last week started off exciting with an OMG SURPRISE trip to Iraq and a luv connection with Sarkozy. But then along came the Grinch who stole the week before Xmas, John Bolton! Ew! All this and Black Leather Condi Glove Turkeys after the jump!

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* Reliable Source: George and Laura Bush get grilled on the tough subjects: Jenna, Jenna’s engagement, etc….Woodbridge native Eunice Omole makes the cut for The Apprentice Africa. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Roundup of important people’s holiday hot spots and office decor…John Boehner’s got some fashion tips. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Mike Huckabee is not always a nice guy. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Larry Craig is all that remains of The Singing Senators. [WP]
* Page Six: Don Imus thinks Tom Brokaw is a pussy. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bill Clinton stays informed via 24. [NYDN]

B-list children’s author Jenna Bush squirmed her way onto “the Ellen show” today and had to call her parents, because Ellen was touching her private parts. Well, that’s sort of true. Ellen did pressure her into calling the White House to see how easily she could reach her parents, and after one quick redirection she’s suddenly talking to them, as if they were… hmm… waiting for it? This “coincidence” has only one possible explanation: an arbitrary Hillary plant.

So Laura “Crazy Eyes” Bush was traipsing around the Middle East this past week, adorably pretending to care about dangerous terrorist women’s breasts because… well, because she’s basically taken over both Condoleezza Rice’s and Karen Hughes’ jobs. At one stop, somebody got sick of looking at her head, so they handed her a scarf and, OMG, she put it on! OUTRAGE! Why does the first lady hate America? Think Progress has a superfun roundup of all the moaning and hand-wringing. My favorite: MORE »

Now that Laura Bush revived The Great Cookie Scandal of 1992, we can look forward to a deluge of chatter ranging from standard feminism 101 to baking tips for the burn prone. Awesome. So, before we get inundated with all of that, I should probably admit something that, while not among my top crimes or sins, it is nevertheless sick and deplorable. In a good way! MORE »