Tag Archives: laura bush

  disasters

OUR NATION’S WEATHER LADIES: Cindy McCain and Laura Bush will actually (maybe) speak today — beginning at 4:50 p.m., Central time — at the Republican convention! They will talk about, uh, Gustav. The hurricane. They will talk about a hurricane. This is the new GOP platform: Talking about a hurricane. [McClatchy] Read more on …
  literary contest

Win A Free Copy Of ‘American Wife’!

Hey Wonkette readers, are some of you “into” actual books? Here is your chance to win one, for free: a galley copy of Curtis Sittenfeld’s American Wife, which tackles the difficult question of why a tasteful librarian with all the apparent trappings of a human soul would end up married to a snickering idiot jock who likes bombing things. Just write to tips@wonkette.com by noon o’clock Eastern on Wednesday with the subject line MY FAVORITE FIRST LADY IS NOT THAT STRUMPET ABIGAIL FILLMORE and tell us, in 25 words or less, who your favorite first lady is. The ten lucky winners will be announced Friday. More rulez ‘n stuff after the jump. Read more on Win A Free Copy Of ‘American Wife’!…
  annals of real estate

The Bushes Are House Hunting In Dallas!

It’s easy to forget that some other guy was president before the McCain/Obama joint rulership of America began. The other guy’s name was “George Bush,” and he flew around the world dancing with the natives and bombing nonexistent nuke installations. But now that Dick Cheney has tired of operating the chip in his brain, George Bush needs a new place to live, so he has dispatched his wife to investigate every cavernous tacky 7,000-square-foot limestone piece of shit in the greater Dallas area. Let’s explore the possibilities, together. Read more on The Bushes Are House Hunting In Dallas!…
  political literature

Sizzling Fictional Laura Bush Potboiler Coming Soon!

Once upon a time, Curtis Sittenfeld wrote a funny thing for Salon about her terrible case of Nell Freudenberger envy. Then she wrote two best-selling novels and now she has another novel coming out in September: a piece of RACY SPECULATIVE FICTION that is totally obviously about Laura Bush! If Wonkette had a Book Club for Fancy Ladies and Gentlemen, this might be an inaugural selection. Lesbians, abortions, and sexy sex quotations via Radar after the jump. Read more on Sizzling Fictional Laura Bush Potboiler Coming Soon!…
 

Laura Bush Gets A Friendly Hello From New Zealand Soldiers

We had forgotten about these crazy war-dances the Maori like to do before important events like rugby matches and visits from the American First Lady. What is it with the Bushes and their weird knack for ending up at nutty dance parties? [YouTube] Read more on Laura Bush Gets A Friendly Hello From New Zealand Soldiers…
 

Jenna and Laura Bush, On Ellen’s TeeVee Show!

You will certainly want to watch all eight minutes of Jenna and Laura’s crazy time over on the lesbian teevee show! Let us know if anything good happens. For us, the highlight was about 35 seconds in when Jenna sits down and crosses her legs and flashes some panty. And then we quit watching, because who fucking cares what these people say, right? [Campaign Circus] Read more on Jenna and Laura Bush, On Ellen’s TeeVee Show!…
 

Bush Administration Scolds Another Government For Not Dealing With Natural Disaster Effectively

For some reason, Laura Bush decided to be president today and gave a press conference attacking the Burmese government for the way it handled the cyclone that has killed upwards of 10,000 citizens. Laura Bush said, “Although they were aware of the threat, Burma’s state-run media failed to issue a timely warning to citizens in the storm’s path.” How would the Bush administration have handled a large natural disaster, however? Read more on Bush Administration Scolds Another Government For Not Dealing With Natural Disaster Effectively…
 

NATION OF CRETINS: “A man who heckled Laura and Jenna Bush as they were leaving a discussion about their children’s book was arrested after he allegedly punched a girl who was in a wheelchair.” [TransWorldNews] Read more on …
 

Jenna Bush, Secret Democrat

Jenna Bush loves planning her wedding and walking around with feed sacks, but there’s one thing she might not love so much: John McCain. In a shocking appearance with her mother on Larry King Live, she allowed as how she might not be voting for a Republican in the fall. Her incendiary remarks, after the jump! Read more on Jenna Bush, Secret Democrat…
 

Popemania: George & Laura & Jenna Bush Say Hi To Pope!

The leader of America’s religion, Christianity, finally arrived in America today! The president and his wife and their daughter, Jenna, rushed down to the airport to say howdy. The pope held Jenna’s hand and cackled, in German, “You’re very pretty, for a girl.” Read more on Popemania: George & Laura & Jenna Bush Say Hi To Pope!…
 

Tax Returns Prove Bush, Cheney Not Yet Richest Men On Earth

Presidents and vice presidents file tax returns — they’re just like us! George and Laura Bush filed and guess how much they made in 2007? Just shy of a million! That’s not really so much money. Dick and Lynne Cheney easily beat the fake president’s adjusted gross income of $923,807. But by how much? Read more on Tax Returns Prove Bush, Cheney Not Yet Richest Men On Earth…
 

Dallas To Deal With George W. Bush By Itself

Today, America’s most boring First Lady Laura Bush said that she and President George will be moving to Dallas, home of the Cowboys football team and various other things, after he is finished his Washington job. “I guess I can announce this in front of the press,” Mrs. Bush said at a National Parks Foundation event at Williams Preparatory school in Dallas. Little does she know that she cannot announce anything to the press. Will this librarian ever learn? [Dallas Morning News] Read more on Dallas To Deal With George W. Bush By Itself…
 

Obama Secretly Related To Every U.S. President, And Brad Pitt

This whole “Barack Obama is a fresh face to American political history” meme has finally been disproven as yet another dumb liberal myth. Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society have discovered that, aside from Dick Cheney, Obama is related to six former presidents, a Tory, various Confederate racists, and Brad Pitt. It is not clear whether they are from his Kenyan side or his Muslim side. Hillary COINCIDENTALLY is related to Angelina Jolie, the pretty lady who adopts children with Brad Pitt. John McCain, meanwhile, is the son of the first dinosaur. Read more on Obama Secretly Related To Every U.S. President, And Brad Pitt…
 

Jenna And Laura Bush Entice Youngsters Into Babylonian Fertility Ritual

At yesterday’s White House Easter frolic, one very important event went virtually unremarked. Two of the Bush gals read incantations from the ancient Book of Sen-Dak to lull an unsupecting group of smooth-fleshed little ‘uns into a coma. The children were quickly clubbed over the head and hauled back to Cheney’s lair for an “egg hunt.” Terrible photos after the jump. Read more on Jenna And Laura Bush Entice Youngsters Into Babylonian Fertility Ritual…
 

Historic White House Easter Egg Roll Happening Right Now!!!

Five million years ago yesterday, the Lord Jesus died for our sins and then came back to say howdy and then went away again. For this very special reason America’s First Lady is hosting an event at the White House, in which the children of the nation roll eggs down a hill and learn about ocean conservation. Read more on Historic White House Easter Egg Roll Happening Right Now!!!…
 

George W. Bush’s Escape To Waco

Here’s your beloved president, just after he landed in Waco, Texas. That’s where he goes for his vacations. Loves it there. Loves his dog, too. Good dog. Name’s Barney. “See over there, Barney? That’s where Clinton killed them Branch Koreans. Good people.” Read more on George W. Bush’s Escape To Waco…
 

Condi Encounters Half-Naked Tribal Leaders in Africa

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! Condi got to go back to the rumored land of her ancestors. No, not Russia, Africa! Her last trip there was a royal dud, but this time she brought along friends: the boss, his wife, Josh Bolten, etc., and she got to see the boss dance! She got a pretty sash! She got molested by scary natives! And then she got back and nobody cared. Relive the magic, after the jump… Read more on Condi Encounters Half-Naked Tribal Leaders in Africa…
 

George W. Bush Is A Battered Spouse

Admit it: You see your president on the teevee, and you want to hit something — him, actually. You would like to hit him with a frying pan, perhaps, or a comical ACME anvil. Now, imagine having to share a house with George. According to journalistic newspaper sources, George’s long-suffering wife Laura is basically beating the hell out of him all the time, and his face just a big scratched-up bruise. No wonder he ran off to Israel or Kuwait or wherever! First Lady Laura’s Bloody Fight With Boozing Bush [GLOBE/Eschaton] Read more on George W. Bush Is A Battered Spouse…
 

2007: Awkwardest Condiyear EVER

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! Listicles, of course, are the year-end gift writers give themselves. But you know what? It’s been such a peculiar year for the Condibot that it would be totally criminal not to look back and reflect on its thrilling awkwardness. Join me on an epic journey through my personal (hey, get your own column!) favorite special moments in Dr. Ferragamo’s 2007, and my picks for AP’s Condirazzi photos of the year, after the jump… Read more on 2007: Awkwardest Condiyear EVER…
 

Condi ‘n’ Kozy Sitting in a Tree

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! Last week started off exciting with an OMG SURPRISE trip to Iraq and a luv connection with Sarkozy. But then along came the Grinch who stole the week before Xmas, John Bolton! Ew! All this and Black Leather Condi Glove Turkeys after the jump! Read more on Condi ‘n’ Kozy Sitting in a Tree…
 

Larry Craig Has Gay Sex With Himself

* Reliable Source: George and Laura Bush get grilled on the tough subjects: Jenna, Jenna’s engagement, etc….Woodbridge native Eunice Omole makes the cut for The Apprentice Africa. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Roundup of important people’s holiday hot spots and office decor…John Boehner’s got some fashion tips. [Examiner] * Shenanigans: Mike Huckabee is not always a nice guy. [Politico] * The Sleuth: Larry Craig is all that remains of The Singing Senators. [WP] * Page Six: Don Imus thinks Tom Brokaw is a pussy. [NYP] * Rush & Molloy: Bill Clinton stays informed via 24. [NYDN] Read more on Larry Craig Has Gay Sex With Himself…
 

Jenna Bush Calls Parents on TV, Finds Them Doing Nothing

newVideoPlayer("Jenna_calls_home.flv", 475, 376);B-list children’s author Jenna Bush squirmed her way onto “the Ellen show” today and had to call her parents, because Ellen was touching her private parts. Well, that’s sort of true. Ellen did pressure her into calling the White House to see how easily she could reach her parents, and after one quick redirection she’s suddenly talking to them, as if they were… hmm… waiting for it? This “coincidence” has only one possible explanation: an arbitrary Hillary plant. Read more on Jenna Bush Calls Parents on TV, Finds Them Doing Nothing…