Tag Archives: laura bush

  I done jitterbugged my way into a pile of Ay-rab men

America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact

Our bestest friend Saudi Arabia knows what is up. While the religious freedom American Jesus people are still stuck in the past, saying that your mother made you gay because she was too nice, or your father made you gay because he worked a lot, or your priest made you gay because obvious, the morality police of Saudi Arabia are fully aware that the Gateway Drug to the Gay is DANCING: Read more on America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact…
  Plantface the Nation

George Dubya Bush Says Brother Jeb Has To ‘Earn’ The Presidency, LOL Just Kidding

It's not like he can just hand his brother the presidency
Here’s some shock-and-awing political insight from the man who never had a gig his daddy didn’t set up for him. From the champagne unit of the National Guard, to the Texas governorship, to the state of Florida his brother rigged for him, to the special one-time-only Bush v. Gore present gifted by the Supreme Court, we are pretty certain George Dubya Bush never would have usurped his way to power if not for his powerful family. But no! Turns out that he’s just a regular schlub who had to earn his way to the top, and if Jeb “the smarter one” Bush wants to have his turn at playing president, he’ll have to earn it the old fashioned way too. Read more on George Dubya Bush Says Brother Jeb Has To ‘Earn’ The Presidency, LOL Just Kidding…
  Omission Accomplished

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of
Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we’re just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2002), closed out* with a discussion of the 2000 election, so this week, we’ll rely solely on the the most fanciful textbook we’ve ever seen, A Beka’s 8th-grade America: Land I Love (2006), which advised us that George W. Bush’s “most important” qualification was that he “unashamedly identified himself as a born-again Christian” who “took a bold stand against moral evils such as abortion and gay rights.” And his presidency was almost as wonderful as Reagan’s, we learn, largely because Dubya rescued us from the horrors of the Clinton years. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism…
  make it work

Laura Bush, Feminist Hero: When There Is A First Gentleman, We Should Fat-Shame Him And Laugh At His Clothes

We usually don’t get around to praising Laura Bush much in these parts. Our feelings on her tend to run the gamut from “meh” to “oh, do shut up.” But we are pretty into her latest interview, where she says that she would be totally down with scrutinizing a future First Gentleman the way we now dissect everything that FLOTUS wears, what makeup she rocks, and how she gets her hair did. Former first lady Laura Bush proposed that the future first gentleman should get the same scrutiny about his looks and style as first ladies have faced in recent decades. Asked in a recent C-SPAN interview whether the media focuses too much on the first lady’s hair, makeup and clothes, Bush said, “Yes. For sure.” “But I don’t think we can get around it. Maybe when we finally have a first gentleman,” she said. The interview was taped for C-SPAN’s continuing First Ladies series and airs Monday. “And maybe we should be that way about the first gentlemen, also, really critique the way they look all the time. Their choice of tie, or their hair style. Whatever. Or maybe their weight,” she said. Read more on Laura Bush, Feminist Hero: When There Is A First Gentleman, We Should Fat-Shame Him And Laugh At His Clothes…
  FLOTUS like a butterfly

Michelle Obama Is Being A Thug Again

It has been a rough week for non-thugs in America, as blackity-black people are flaunting their sportsball prowess all over the place. Why, even Michelle Obama used the precious sacred White House space to FLOTUS like a butterfly, sting like a bee, and dunk on the Miami Heat. Read more on Michelle Obama Is Being A Thug Again…
  careful it might be catching

Laura Bush, Profile In Courage

Former First Lady Laura Bush, do you love gheyz and homosex and done wrote a book where you talked about loving gheyz and homosex and went on Larry King and talked about loving gheyz and homosex? That is very nice of you! You and Dick Cheney, Undead Prince, have that one nice thing in common! And since we are liberalz, we will credit you where due! But did some dirty queers than take your public position and add your face and mouth talking about those things to a commercial about that public position, and did you then insist that they remove your face and mouth from this disgusting list of people (Colin Powell, Dick Cheney, Barack HUSSEIN Nobumer) with this same very common public opinion? Oh, you did that too. Well, we guess you are still an asshole then, surprise. Read more on Laura Bush, Profile In Courage…
  parting is such sweet sorrow

RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers

Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you won’t get delegates ever again! But here, would you like a gauzy, high-production-values video tribute? Would that placate you and your angry, weirdo followers? Probably not, but we’ll show the video anyway after the jump, what harm could it do. Read more on RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers…
  photo tours

George W. Bush Is President of Paintings

And this is a painting of George W. Bush, as unveiled at a White House ceremony that just wrapped up. Look at ‘im. He’s like, “Boy howdy don’t I look good, hummina hummina.” And no, it wasn’t “awkward,” this ceremony. Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail. As if Bush gives a crap? No, they just told jokes and everyone had a laugh, ha ha ha, like that. Read more on George W. Bush Is President of Paintings…
  the old warrior's ithaca

Oh, and Bush Now Spends His Days Playing Board Games For Hours

Bush’s final Decision Point of his charmed life: The former first lady added the ex-president’s favorite app is Scrabble. “Scrabble is the one that George now seems to be playing constantly,” she said. “Like, I’m trying to get his attention; ‘I’m still here.'” Read more on Oh, and Bush Now Spends His Days Playing Board Games For Hours…
  click through for botox pix!

Oh God, Who Paid Laura Bush To Speak To a Crowd?

Los Angeles (CNN) – Former first lady Laura Bush had her audience LOL (laughing out loud) at a women’s conference in Long Beach, California Tuesday. Thanks, CNN, for that very hip use of “LOL.” Journalism! You know, CNN, if your audience is so stupid that you had to write “(laughing out loud)” in the opening line of your article, perhaps you could have just written “had her audience laughing” and saved yourself embarrassment. But CNN.com will never have shame, so whatevs. Read more on Oh God, Who Paid Laura Bush To Speak To a Crowd?…
  wonkette world o' books

Laura Bush Writes Druggy Masterpiece

Remember Laura Bush, America’s onetime librarian sweetheart and wife to the nominal head of the most appalling administration in U.S. history? Turns out she’s written a massive memoir titled Spoken From the Heart (because that’s what these political memoirists do: write from the heart, by speaking from it). We figured that a Laura Bush memoir wasn’t going to come close to the infamy and ignominy of, say, Henry Kissinger’s “Years” trilogy, or a soul-shredding Affront to Everything like Sarah Palin’s best-selling aerial-wolf-massacre manual. All we expected from the former Ms. Welch was a typical political-celebrity memoir: indifferently written, banal beyond belief, an apologia for various horrors. Little did we know it would be a mind-enlarging psychedelic masterpiece/cautionary tale that manages to depict the fabulous highs and sickening lows of addiction to that notorious drug, George W. Bush. Read more on Laura Bush Writes Druggy Masterpiece…
  totally negates scott brown

Barbara Bush’s Genetic Makeup Fails To Make Her Hate Health Care for Poors

Barbara Bush the Younger was on Fox News Sunday on Fox News Sunday to talk about some new scheme to “bring health equity to the U.S. and Africa,” and shocked Chris Wallace by admitting that she was not against our Socialissimo forcing patriots to have something that pays to fix their hearts after the fried meat gets stuck in the tubes. Could she hate Reagan and the Troops more? Read more on Barbara Bush’s Genetic Makeup Fails To Make Her Hate Health Care for Poors…
  nice chain-smoking ladies

Laura Bush Loves Socialism Again

In the early 1800s, a nice nerdy Democrat gal named Laura “Matt” Welch was attending a “common backyard barbecue” in Texas when this drunk slob, George W. Bush, started grabbing her boobs and vomiting all over her. Bush made Ms. Welch become a Republican, if she wanted in on the family money, and this arrangement worked out alright until just now, when Laura Bush said a nice thing or two about Barack Obama and his commie speech to the schoolchildren. Read more on Laura Bush Loves Socialism Again…
  ha ha dubya is 'hung'

Portraits of George and Laura Bush Unveiled

We were going to do some kind of comedy thing, regarding this dumb story about the National Portrait Gallery unveiling the paintings of George and Laura Bush, but why bother when the, uh, the CBS Evening News is already on the job: Read more on Portraits of George and Laura Bush Unveiled…
  real estate market

Check Out George Bush’s Sexy New Dallas Home

George W. Bush did indeed buy a house for himself and his wife Laura and his two rat dogs as well! It is in the rich area of Dallas, which is probably a suburb! Look! Read more on Check Out George Bush’s Sexy New Dallas Home…