This week’s revue of the Late Night Shots forum features a brilliant moment of self-critique. Just for a moment, the LNSers saw the seams of their 1980s fantasy cocaine internet club. It calls to mind Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

We grow weary of this charade. Look forward to spotty coverage of the LNS forums until they do something extraordinarily funny again.

Until then, ride the wave of “women-are-retarded” with Intern Lauren — one last time.

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Morons on the Dancefloor

The Late Night Shots kids held their Christmas party at The Guards in Georgetown last night. Wonkette was… well, not there, no. We’ll do almost anything for the amusement of our readers, but when we drink with douchebags for the sake of material we like them to be douchebags you guys have heard of.

Thankfully, a Wonkette Operative was there, and she/he even took some pictures. Our op speaks, after the jump.

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* The Late Night Shots Christmas Party in the Gryphon Room of The Guards in Georgetown. Free for LNS members, $5 for those accompanied by a member. 8PM. [LNS]
* Neal Gabler signs and talks his new biography Walt Disney “based on his findings as the first writer to be given unlimited access to the Disney archives.” [P&P]
* Psychic Ills at The Red and The Black with Indian Jewelry. $8 at 9PM. [The Red & The Black]

How fake is this?

Late Night Shots Christmas orgy - mw4mw - 23
Reply to: pers-247869532@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-12, 12:32PM EST

Come one, Come all
Just plain Cum!
We of legendary Wonkette fame are having our year end blow/out/up/off, whatever your pleasure.
Discretion is thrown out the window. Bring your own Condoms (Magnum’s preferred)
email this for time & place. Enjoy!

Do not e-mail for time and place, because this is such an obvious setup that not even Mark Foley would respond. Forcefully-aborted fetuses may be thrown out the windows when LNS turbos make a romance inside daddy’s little trust-fund drunk gal, but discretion is crucial if any of these kids expect to run a K Street firm someday.
Casual Encounters [Craigslist]

After a brief hiatus (because nothing could ever beat this), Intern Lauren is back in the game. The forums of closed social-networking site Late Night Shots were full of earnest pleas for help this weekend, and wise, well-considered advice was to be found all over, if you knew where to look. Come with us on a journey of self-discovery. No turbos this week, just love.

Weight loss tips, condoms of yesteryear and women’s lib, after the jump.

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Intern Lauren will probably kill us (with Polonium-210) for wasting this extra-precious exchange from Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — but we’ve got to run it now to make a joke work in Wonkette’s War On Christmas Gift Guide.

Join us after the jump for the scientifically exact opposite of Hollywood’s beloved “meet cute” scenario.

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How’s being back in the office? Shitty, huh? Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? Did you hook up with your cousin? Was it good? Since you’ve been gone, there has been a major infiltration of turbos on Late Night Shots. Our golden boys and girls are handling it, well, with humor:

RE: Saturday at K St
Posted By: Jake LaMotta on 11-27-2006 10:41 am Report as shockingly offensive

anybody know how to make 15 pounds of fat attractive?

…put a nipple on it.

Follow Intern Lauren into the world of racism, incest, ski bunnies and gourmet nuts (they really do make the perfect gift) after the jump.

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The forums at Late Night Shots have been fizzling out lately. They’ve started censoring themselves, and the posters are listless. Spelling still stumps them, however, and just last week someone declared that “Carmen Santiago” was the second best computer game. You don’t know what you’ve got til’ it’s gone, huh? Intern Lauren learns about internet censorship, why ethnic names are bad names, and what charity is really for, after the jump.

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Welcome to this week’s installment of Last Week’s Shots, our new feature that takes you inside the invitation-only social networking site Late Night Shots. LNS is exclusive because when you’ve been given every advantage in life, you have uncommonly developed interests and problems, like cocaine. Plus, you’re just so smart that regular people are, well, embarrassing. Intern Lauren brings you her best ethnographic fieldwork on what to do if you accidentally rape your girlfriend, uglies, and UVA’s Greek Culture.

The constructivist and the relativist, after the jump.

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Welcome to the Wonkette’s newest (and already beloved) feature, Last Week’s Shots — the best of the exclusive Late Night Shots forums. Last week’s post was a huge success, and we’re sure our partnership will continue to bring forth joy and laughter for all involved. As she cherry picks our favorite website, Intern Lauren warns that the children of America’s elite are not to be underestimated. We all remember Loomis Chaffee alum and MTV VJ Jesse Camp, right?

The Fop, the Rake and the beating heart of white supremacy, after the jump.

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Late Night Shots, America’s Fastest-Growing Coked-Out Republican Hill Staffer Douchebag Invite-Only Web Community, has their own Funny Internet T-Shirt Store. We’ve already placed our order for this one: MORE »