Yesterday, the Washington City Paper ran a cover story about Late Night Shots, DC’s finest closed social networking site for UNC grads who work hard to maintain that special mix of date rape, shitty beer, and racial homogeneity that is the Georgetown nightlife. The LNSers got mad and left funny comments. Yesterday, we looked at their City Paper comment tirades. Today, we move, once more, to the belly of the beast — the LNS forums themselves.

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We were going to leave the coverage of this to our sister site Jezebel, but you guys seem to think we should comment on the City Paper’s Late Night Shots story. We didn’t have much to add until we read the comments. Because once you get bored mocking the lifestyle of the wealthy and soulless, you can still pick on their defensiveness.

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Today on The Capitolist — the new anonymous message board only accessible through official congressional computers — we learn what Hill staffers think about beauty and politics:

* I’m just saying that for the most part, Democrats tend to be uglier or ugly people tend to identify more with Democrats. (Classic chicken-egg scenario). Probably because ugly people are usually always pissed off and spiteful of people who are successful and attractive and thus try to destroy them by taxing them to death. They can then define themselves as successful, even though they haven’t done anything worthwhile in their pitiful existence except harp about how much America sucks. And of course they then have even less fortunate people - who they keep in a state of perpetual helplessness - gullibly tell them they are heroes. Ugly heroes, but at least that’s better than nothing.

How true! Come read some more of what makes America so great retarded, after the jump.

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At right: Wonkette Editor Alex Pareene and BFF Reed Landry, founder of Late Night Shots, discuss the most polite way of weaseling out of telling a girl you’ve accidentally impregnated her. Then we went “skiing”!

You’ve been clamoring for them for nearly minutes and now here they are: your exclusive photos of Washington Life magazine’s “The Young and the Guest List 2007″ party event gala thing!

Your humble editor, being young and apparently even more of a tool than he thought, is on said list, and dutifully attended last night’s soiree with Girl Reporter Liz Gorman, whose gallery of photos can be found right here.

Our brief write-up is after the jump.

The Young and the Guest List Photo Gallery

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Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — has been such a success that its leaders are forced to divide the LNS crowd between the super-white cretins and the lesser lights of binge-drinking takedown-impregnating conservative youth forced to live amongst the minorities of DC before going back to San Diego and becoming a defense lobbyist.

Yes, there is a Great Schism. The invitation-only special forum will be seductively open for everyone to read, but only the upper crust will be able to opine on Muslims, morning-after pills and the “Ethiopians” who scurry about Adams Morgan. Everybody else is stuck in the “B Forum.” Read the memo, after the jump.

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White House Rasputin Karl Rove again endeared the administration to anti-immigration Republicans yesterday with this defense of Bush’s open-border policy: “I don’t want my 17-year-old son to have to pick tomatoes or make beds in Las Vegas.” MORE »

Remember the Madison Club? They’re an exclusive all-girl “social club” made up of blonde sorority chicks. They’ve seen better days, membership-wise. Last we heard, they were trying to spice up their recruitment drives by adding a couple more brunettes. We never, ever thought they’d take it this far: MORE »

* Smithsonian Secretary Lawrence M. Small earned $884,733 in 2006. [City Desk]
* In case you are too clean and wealthy and scheduled and lucky to take the Metro, there was a fire at Farragut North today. [Read Express]
* Best karaoke spots in DC. [The DC Concierge]
* “It borders on criminal that no one in District government is making the case that some of this money [$1.4 billion surplus] should be returned to DC taxpayers.” [Cut DC Taxes]
* The Washington monument is pretty, after all. [Blue Coyote Laughing]
* Some guys on LNS “see college women as little more than cumbuckets. A warm place to put their dicks. And if they’re wearing a low cut shirt at a frat party, it’s not like they’re going to mind, right?” [why.i.hate.dc]

When they’re not accidentally impregnating Tuesday-night Takedowns or vomiting on their own shoes, the members of Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — are busy solving the world’s many problems. After all, they will be lobbyists some day!

One problem recently featured in the news is the problem of Muslims. Why so many kinds of Muslims? And why does it seem we are always invading their countries and killing them? How did some get over here, in Jesusland? We’ll explore the many interesting policy positions from the LNS community, after the jump. But first, an appetizer:

* “It would be easy to just nuke these nuts, but they are spread out over everywhere in different cells and are very crafty. We have seen what they can do around the world…history (the crusades) will show us that Muslims will not back down until they achieve domination…we basically need to string all these whack nuts up and make them Extinct…then we could go back to a peaceful world. Don’t give me what about the Muslims that are good Citizens, you can’t trust these people especially when they groom there children to be killers. I mean look at 24…”

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It’s not all under-skirt-finger-bangs and young adult men living off mommy’s money. Sometimes, Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — also explores the political establishment which employs them.

What do Washington’s best & whitest think about new Virginia Senator Jim Webb? He should go live in Russia, obviously! But a lot of LNSers actually respect Webb. What the hell is going on? Come read the forum goodness, after the jump.

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There are plenty of laughs in this National Journal article about the thousands of unemployed Republican staffers now begging for Bush Administration jobs, but our favorite is this part — which proves the GOP knew all along that the midterms would be a bloodbath:

The White House has told GOP lawmakers and their staffs that it froze many political slots throughout the government before Election Day just so the administration could be ready to absorb furloughed Republicans. “They were prepared,” said one senior House leadership aide, who asked not to be named.

And don’t miss the charming tale of the 23-year-old Capitool with all of nine months on the job before his MoC was defeated. We’ve collected a few gems from this turbo, after the jump.

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