Intern Lauren will probably kill us (with Polonium-210) for wasting this extra-precious exchange from Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — but we’ve got to run it now to make a joke work in Wonkette’s War On Christmas Gift Guide.

Join us after the jump for the scientifically exact opposite of Hollywood’s beloved “meet cute” scenario.

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How’s being back in the office? Shitty, huh? Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? Did you hook up with your cousin? Was it good? Since you’ve been gone, there has been a major infiltration of turbos on Late Night Shots. Our golden boys and girls are handling it, well, with humor:

RE: Saturday at K St
Posted By: Jake LaMotta on 11-27-2006 10:41 am Report as shockingly offensive

anybody know how to make 15 pounds of fat attractive?

…put a nipple on it.

Follow Intern Lauren into the world of racism, incest, ski bunnies and gourmet nuts (they really do make the perfect gift) after the jump.

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* The all too brief time we’ll get to spend with Shelly “DraculaCunt” Gibs.
* Turkeys that attack the crotch that feeds them.
* Education Secretary Margaret Spellings and the fact that she couldn’t turn her brain “up to 11,” on Celebrity Jeopardy.
* The trademark chaos that follows the Bush family, young and old and older, everywhere they go.
* The lessons we learned from paperless reporter Karen Feld, even though she assigns a lot of homework.
* Newly paperless Jim VandeHei and John Harris, whose new multi-platform political reporting venture will surely BLOW OUR MINDS.
* That the State Department’s Protocol Office has a sense of humor after all.
* Lou Dobbs, who’s going to save us from the Mexicans, just as soon as he finds his toupee.
* Small town reporters who aren’t afraid to tell it like it is.
* Finally, our undying gratitude goes to Late Night Shots, without whom we might still be wasting time with “hope” for the future of America.

The forums at Late Night Shots have been fizzling out lately. They’ve started censoring themselves, and the posters are listless. Spelling still stumps them, however, and just last week someone declared that “Carmen Santiago” was the second best computer game. You don’t know what you’ve got til’ it’s gone, huh? Intern Lauren learns about internet censorship, why ethnic names are bad names, and what charity is really for, after the jump.

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Welcome to this week’s installment of Last Week’s Shots, our new feature that takes you inside the invitation-only social networking site Late Night Shots. LNS is exclusive because when you’ve been given every advantage in life, you have uncommonly developed interests and problems, like cocaine. Plus, you’re just so smart that regular people are, well, embarrassing. Intern Lauren brings you her best ethnographic fieldwork on what to do if you accidentally rape your girlfriend, uglies, and UVA’s Greek Culture.

The constructivist and the relativist, after the jump.

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Welcome to the Wonkette’s newest (and already beloved) feature, Last Week’s Shots — the best of the exclusive Late Night Shots forums. Last week’s post was a huge success, and we’re sure our partnership will continue to bring forth joy and laughter for all involved. As she cherry picks our favorite website, Intern Lauren warns that the children of America’s elite are not to be underestimated. We all remember Loomis Chaffee alum and MTV VJ Jesse Camp, right?

The Fop, the Rake and the beating heart of white supremacy, after the jump.

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As we’re sure you know by now, Late Night Shots is a closed social networking site for DC’s best and whitest. We turbos have a lot to learn from them. Their message board is home to some of the best entertainment on all the internets — but because of the closed nature of the site, not everyone can join in the fun. Thankfully, Intern Lauren is a card-carrying LNS member, and she’s gathered excerpts from some of last week’s best posts on the LNS forum. See what the fuss is about, after the jump.

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