Tag Archives: las vegas

  konspiracy korner

What Really Happened To Harry Reid? The Wingnut Theories Might Not Surprise You!

Time to retire, old man.
A friend of mine was in Las Vegas a week or two ago. He talked to a number of people there about Reid’s accident, and didn’t find anyone who believed the elastic exercise band story. The common assumption was that the incident resulted, in some fashion, from Reid’s relationship with organized crime. The principal rumor my friend heard was that Reid had promised to obtain some benefit for a group of mobsters. He met with them on New Year’s Day, and broke the bad news that he hadn’t been able to deliver what he promised. When the mobsters complained, Reid (according to the rumor) made a comment that they considered disrespectful, and one of them beat him up. – John Hinderaker, Powerline blog Read more on What Really Happened To Harry Reid? The Wingnut Theories Might Not Surprise You!…
  Baking soda has so many uses!

Idiot Nevada Rep Lady Will Wash That Cancer Right Outta Your Hair

We have absolutely no patience for dumb people who have special braindead ideas about how to cure cancer or AIDS or stubbed toes or anything else, so let us throw to the wolves (YOU, rabid Wonkette commenters!) Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, because she is a dumb dick, if there ever was a template for “dumb dick,” like if Mavis Beacon was trying to teach you how to type “dumb dick,” it would involve typing the letters of Fiore’s name over and over until you get it right, KEEP PRACTICING, YOU WILL GET IT: Read more on Idiot Nevada Rep Lady Will Wash That Cancer Right Outta Your Hair…
  meth is a helluva drug

Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc

No, she is never ever ever leaving. Who would pay for her wigs? Sarah Palin had a busy weekend, going to Las Vegas to eye-fuc this dude, Congressional Medal of Honor winner Dakota Meyers, while holding a sign telling lefty troll Michael Moore to fuc himself right in the surveyor’s marks. (His anus.) Read more on Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc…
  Oy Gefilte!

Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year

And then the kids spin the grenadel
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker is definitely giving some serious thought to running for president — like, more serious thought than Donald Trump, even — and to do that, he’s going to have to prove that he is a friend of Israel and of The Jews. Not necessarily a friend to the majority of American Jews, who foolishly keep supporting Democrats, despite Ben Shapiro yelling at them, but he needs to at least prove that he’s worthy of some Sheldon Adelson money. And so he makes the appropriate gestures of love for Israel, which is both a great beacon of democracy and a necessary prop that will be needed to bring about the End Times. He even made a point of goysplaining, at a Las Vegas Adelsonfest, that he named his son Matthew, which is Hebrew for “gift from God,” and that he celebrates the Birth of Our Saviour Jesus Christ with both Christmas lights and “a menorah candle.” See, he’s trying real hard! Unfortunately, not every attempt to be hip and fit in works so well, as we are reminded by Madison’s Capital Times. As part of a document dump from last year’s “John Doe” investigations of Walker’s administration, the group One Wisconsin found an amusing artifact from Walker’s pre-governor days, when he was Milwaukee County executive. Franklyn Gimbel, an attorney from Milwaukee, had written about setting up a Chanukah display at the Milwaukee County Courthouse, and Walker enthusiastically replied: Read more on Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Maybe The GOP Will Pass An Immigration Bill, Just To Show Up Obama (Video)

No, really! They might pass a bill!
Rachel Maddow gets the feeling that this executive action on immigration isn’t going to be quite the disaster for Barack Obama that a lot of Republicans have been insisting it must. For all the bluster, impeachment is a no-go (even if the House votes to impeach, there’s no 2/3 majority for a conviction), a lawsuit is iffy, and a government shutdown, while a definite possibility, wouldn’t end the policy. And in the meantime, Barry Bamz is looking good, getting cheered by high schoolers, and generally sounding more like that guy we voted for — no “I’m still relevant” defensiveness for him. Read more on Morning Maddow: Maybe The GOP Will Pass An Immigration Bill, Just To Show Up Obama (Video)…
  We Love Legitimate Theatre

Duck Dynasty Musical Headed For Las Vegas. Really.

It's late in the day -- add your own damn beard.
In the greatest development for The Legitimate Theater since the boffo hit Stop the Planet of the Apes. I Want To Get Off!, the marketing geniuses who portray a family of folksy Louisiana fundamentalist Christian duck-call makers have announced plans for a big-budget musical about themselves, to play in Las Vegas, proving that H.L. Mencken was wildly optimistic about the tastes of the American public. At the very least, the whole sorry mess just left everyone in the Wonkette Sekrit Chatcave swapping lines from The Simpsons, so at least we can credit it for that. There’s also this pretty good lede from the New York Times story on the impending disaster: Read more on Duck Dynasty Musical Headed For Las Vegas. Really….
  Dear Tucker: This One Time At FEMA Camp...

Idaho Christians Going To Jail For Standing Up To Homosexuals, Just Like Martin Luther King

Looks like the pogayto will be getting a lot of work now
Nobody could have seen this coming. The second Idaho got marriage equality, the crazed liberals who rule that state started oppressing supporters of traditional marriage right and left. Just look at this screaming headline from Tucker Carlson’s Internet Rage-a-torium: “Idaho City To Christian Pastors: Perform Same-Sex Weddings Or Face Jail.” It’s just like the Culture Warriors predicted! Merely standing up for the Bible is now a criminal offense! Let’s see exactly how terrible the oppressin’ is! Read more on Idaho Christians Going To Jail For Standing Up To Homosexuals, Just Like Martin Luther King…
  This Sucks AND Blows

ShootyLand Management Says Uzi Release Forms Blown Away Like Uzi Instructor, Only By Wind

Here’s one for your “I Totally Believe That” file. You know the rent-an-automatic-weapon amusement park in Arizona where that 9-year-old girl was allowed to fire an Uzi submachine gun, killing the “instructor” when the fully automatic weapon’s recoil kicked its muzzle toward his head? Turns out that Bullets and Burgers, which has a strict policy of not letting anyone under the age of eight fire automatic weapons, is doing a bang-up job of cooperatin’ with the authorities investigating the shooting. They’ve talked to Mohave County Sherriff’s deputies and provided them with all sorts of useful documentation, except maybe they can’t find the release forms that the girl’s parents signed because the papers were “blown away by the wind.” Yr Dok Zoom went to high school in that part of Arizona and knows for a fact that the winds there can be pretty strong, especially if you’ve got sensitive paperwork that just might accidentally blow away. Happens all the time in those desert winds. Here, courtesy of Talking Points Memo, are the exciting documents from the actual investigation. Or attempted investigation, whatevs: Read more on ShootyLand Management Says Uzi Release Forms Blown Away Like Uzi Instructor, Only By Wind…
  No Need For Gun Skills!

Nine-Year-Old Girl With Uzi, F*ck You America

Kid With Gun, Bernard Dumaine, 2012
In News of Responsible Gun Owners today, we have the story of some loving parents who know that you can never start too soon when it comes to putting firearms into the hands of your tykes. Sure, maybe in the olden times you might give your kid a .22 rifle so that they can become accustomed to safely handling weapons, but that’s so passé! Instead, why not be like the parents of a nine-year-old girl from New Jersey, who took her to the Last Stop shooting range so she could learn how to handle a fully automatic Uzi on their family vacation to Arizona. Not that she could own one — you need special licensing from the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms to have a full-auto weapon, and in what can only be seen as pissing on the graves of the Founding Fathers, the feds still won’t give such a license to children, because they hate Freedom. Read more on Nine-Year-Old Girl With Uzi, F*ck You America…
  it's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!

Prepare Yourself: We Have Come Unstuck In Time

Well look at what we went and did! We plum forgot to do a Links post for Happy for the last three days, for which the responsible parties will be sought out and disparaged. (Rebecca’s pretty sure it was Dok, Dok’s pretty sure it was Rebecca, and Sara was living the High Life in Vegas but is now preparing to go to a Shamanic Healing Workshop or some such.) And so, let’s see what we need to catch you up on! WEDNESDAY! Sara is still freaked out by a Shakespears Sister video flashback from childhood. We explained that you can actually enjoy Las Vegas without gambling, drinking, paying for sex, or using any of the survival supplies from a B-52 bomber. We brought you a guide to throwing the best bachelorette party ever. Dan took a break from the World Cup to look at just how awful Donald Sterling has been during his court case (spoiler: pretty awful). And Kaili, to no one’s surprise, was Mad About A Thing, in this case, spineless Democrats who compromise on women’s healthcare coverage. Read more on Prepare Yourself: We Have Come Unstuck In Time…
  Worth a Thousand Words

Portraits of Little Kids With Their Own Real Guns

We don’t know what to say about the tragic shooting in Troutdale, Oregon, or the tragic shooting in Vegas, or the tragic shooting in this town or that town or this state or that state. Perhaps there’s no point in words at a time like this, a time when we’re so gun-weary as a nation that these sorts of incidents are beginning to seem commonplace to some of us. The brilliant site FotoMofo was kind enough to let us know about this stunning series of portraits by Belgian photographer An-Sofie Kesteleyn, who is based in the Netherlands but traveled to the United States to photograph children with real guns marketed to them. She was moved to do so after learning of the death of a two-year-old child, shot by her five-year-old brother, in Kentucky. READ MORE AT HAPPY NICE TIMES PEOPLE… Read more on Portraits of Little Kids With Their Own Real Guns…
  a free ride when you've already paid also too

Vegas Cop Killer Jerad Miller Was An Alex Jones Fan. You Know What That Means (FALSE FLAG)

Ho ho, they must be shitting their pants over at the InfoWars legal department right now. And by InfoWars legal department, we mean whatever the voices in Alex Jones’s head are telling him at any given moment. Why? Because suspected Las Vegas cop killer Jerad Miller was apparently a fan of Jones and his patriot movement, which InfoWars is quick to point out makes him the perfect agent provocateur the government can use to demonize the patriot movement! I think the universe might have just eaten itself. Read more on Vegas Cop Killer Jerad Miller Was An Alex Jones Fan. You Know What That Means (FALSE FLAG)…
  where to travel in 2016

Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016

The Republican National Committee is busy narrowing down the list of potential host cities for its 2016 convention. Last week the list dropped by two, with Cincinnati and Las Vegas dropping their bids; Cincinnati because, well, Cincinnati, and Vegas for a whole host of reasons. Needless to say, yr Wonkette was devastated by Vegas’s decision. We were giddy – GIDDY – at the thought of a) the entire Wonkette writing staff covering the convention in person and b) all those wingnut dipwads showing up on the convention floor hung over, pockets having been emptied by every roulette wheel, blackjack table and high-priced call girl from one end of the Strip to the other. All the potential scandals for delegates and candidates to get caught up in … dear Lord, we ask You for so, so little… Let’s take a look at the four cities left in the running, along with their pros and cons. Read more on Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016…
  pretend we're dead

Sluttiness Leads To Death, Warns Your Freaky Pastor, We Mean The Las Vegas P.D.

What up, sluts? You busy popping those sweet Obamacare slut pills so you can slut so hard? Well, you may want to take a quick break from slutting to review this Very Important Public Service Announcement to Sluts from the Metro Police of Las Vegas, who sponsored what sounds like a super-fun Saturday night party called “Choose Purity”: Do not slut it up because it will probably kill you. “Choose Purity” aimed to show young girls what can happen when they don’t wait until marriage to have sex, according to Officer Regina Coward, president of the Nevada Black Police Association, who said she’d been asked by her church, Victory Outreach Church, to create a community event to go along with its abstinence message. So what does Coward say happens? Typically four things: sexual assault, gangs, drugs and prostitution. […] Sending a message of abstinence is crime prevention, Coward said. We are not even going to dive into the, shall we say, problematic issue of a police department co-sponsoring a distinctly religious event with a church. Let’s just go straight to the part where we scratch our heads and go “huh? what?” at some of the so-called consequences that Officer Regina Coward claims young unladylike ladies face if they spread their legs before someone puts a ring on it. Read more on Sluttiness Leads To Death, Warns Your Freaky Pastor, We Mean The Las Vegas P.D….
  clipbait

Watch Jon Stewart’s Epic Rant Against SCOTUS’s Campaign Money Decision (Video)

Jon Stewart is pretty good at distilling the absurdity of certain political events into a just few words. Granted, a lot of them need to be bleeped, but with this week’s Supreme Court decision tossing out aggregate limits on campaign donations, there’s plenty to curse about. Now that wealthy donors can write checks for the maximum allowable amount to as many candidates as they want, Stewart says, “the last great hope of preserving our democracy from the corrupting influence of money is carpal tunnel syndrome.” Thank goodness, America is “finally rid of the corrosive influence of not enough money in politics.” Read more on Watch Jon Stewart’s Epic Rant Against SCOTUS’s Campaign Money Decision (Video)…
  #cancelkaili

Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy

In case you missed it because you were taking your bubbe to shul, Republicans gathered in Las Vegas on Saturday to beg Republican Jews — all two and a half of them — to give them Jew dollars for their 2016 presidential aspirations. This is a thing Republicans do sometimes because even though American Jews are overwhelmingly Democrats, and in fact “the most strongly liberal, Democratic groups in U.S. politics,” there is this one Jew and his name is Sheldon Adelson and he has SOOO many Jew dollars and he is not a Democrat. In 2012, he spent eleventy billion trillion and thirteen of his Jew dollars supporting Newt Gingrich, which was a terrific investment for Adelson, since Newt is now our president. So you can see why Republicans think it is very important to woo him. He is also on the board of the Republican Jewish Coalition, which is quite possibly the most meaningless Jewish coalition since Jews for Sarah Palin. (We had a secret Jew meeting a few years back and decided we hate the shit out of Palin. She has failed to endear herself to us since then.) Read more on Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy…
  does getting a blowjob count as job creation?

Harry Reid Wants To Save Nevada Prostitutes From 2016 Republican National Convention

Even though our Kenyan Dictator B. Barry Bamz was re-crowned only last year, it is already time to start thinking about the next Presidential election, which also means it is still time to stab ourselves in the eye with a spork everytime Chris Cillizza soils the pages of the Washington Post with the latest meaningless poll about 2016 hopefuls. But before the GOP can keep minorities from voting in 2016, there have to be official nominating conventions where actors talk to empty chairs or something. Cities fight hard to get picked for the conventions because prestige money. And one city vying for the Republican convention is Las Vegas, Nevada. But our old pal Stormin’ Mormon Harry Reid is throwing some cold water on those prospects, per the Reno Gazette-Journal: “I have been supportive of them on that,” Reid said about the push to bring the GOP convention to Las Vegas, “But that (prostitution) would be an issue.” There are unconfirmed reports that Sen. David Vitter (R-John) is going to personally investigate these prostitutes to see if they will be a distraction.  Read more on Harry Reid Wants To Save Nevada Prostitutes From 2016 Republican National Convention…
  we've got provisions and lots of beer

Relive The Cold War In Your Very Own Underground Apocalypse House

If you’re looking for a 15,000-square-foot luxury home that’s built 26 feet underground so it can survive a nuclear attack, and you have a spare $1.7 million, we’ve got just the place for you! Built in 1978 by a wealthy businessman who was convinced the Reds were going to push the button down, this Las Vegas house has two bedrooms (and one extra in a “guest house”), a huge front room suitable for go-cart racing, a marble tub worthy of Liberace, and acres of pink tile. Oh, and there’s another two-bedroom house up on the surface, too. Casa Apocalypse is in what’s essentially a super-sized basement with green carpet “grass” and fake trees, as well as a swimming pool, hot tubs, and a wraparound mural “landscape.” You could curl up on the couch, warm up some MRE’s, and watch The Day After … or just Ronald Reagan speeches on endless loop. If nothing else, it would be a hell of a place to shoot a movie about some crazy loon living in an underground house waiting for The End. Read more on Relive The Cold War In Your Very Own Underground Apocalypse House…
  outside agitators

Race War Roundup: A Children’s Treasury Of Loveable Rogues

So, the altered photo on the right was posted on a rightwing Tea Party website; after the fakery was exposed, the “Patriot Nation” Facebook page has removed the photo and issued a stirring notpology: There is but ONE race — the AMERICAN race, and it isn’t hyphenated! Anyone who is found to be posting such racist crap on this page or using racial slurs, will be banned permanently. Of course, had the picture not been faked, they’d have been perfectly fine with it, because then it would just be a dumb one-of-THOSE-people. And so welcome to today’s wrap-up of charming folks who are just itching for a race war. Needless to say, the actual cause of the coming race war (so much blood!) will be those other people, not the nice patriotic self-defenders we’ll be looking at below. (No one ever starts a race war; they just have race war forced upon them so they have to preemptively defend themselves.) Read more on Race War Roundup: A Children’s Treasury Of Loveable Rogues…
  the loneliest little amendment

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Returns To Pay Attention To Sad Neglected Third Amendment

Well how’s this for a weird confluence of unlikely events? A Nevada family is suing a local police department for alleged violations of the rarely invoked Third Amendment. Not only that, but it’s being reported — accurately! — by Ghost Breitbart’s Internet Tendency, and we agree with pretty much everything Breitbart’s Ken Klukowski says about the fuck-tussle that played out in Henderson Nevada in July 2011. Can we have a chorus of civil liberties Kumbayah in here? Read more on Ghost Andrew Breitbart Returns To Pay Attention To Sad Neglected Third Amendment…
  meth is a hell of a drug

‘I’m Not Crazy,’ Says Nevada Gun-Threat Pol In Shirtless Interview, ‘You’re The One Who’s Crazy’

Nevada Assemblyman Steven Brooks (a Democrat!) did not threaten to murder Nevada Speaker Marilyn Kirkpatrick with a loaded gun that he was carrying, said Nevada Assemblyman Steven Brooks. Instead, Nevada Speaker Marilyn Kirkpatrick is trying to kill him! What else should we know about Brooks’s interview with the Las Vegas Review-Journal? A) It was “disjointed.” B) He was shirtless through most of it. And C) He does not seem to have a very good “attorney,” since said attorney (reinstated to the bar after being suspended for “51 professional conduct rules violations”) did not shut him up while he said INCREDIBLY SANE SOUNDING things like this! Read more on ‘I’m Not Crazy,’ Says Nevada Gun-Threat Pol In Shirtless Interview, ‘You’re The One Who’s Crazy’…