Tag Archives: larry klayman

  Don't Know His Ass From A Hole In The Ground

America’s Worst Lawyer, Larry Klayman, Explains How Barack Obama Got Those Blacks Shot In Charleston

We should probably start calling him that. But we sort of like Begley.
Idiot bag of lawyer scrapings Larry Klayman took a brief break from his usual agenda of calling for the overthrow of illegal president Barack Hussein Obama last week so he could mourn the nine victims of the massacre in Charleston, South Carolina. Of course, he did his mourning at conspiracy clearinghouse WorldNetDaily, so he was contractually obliged to blame Barack Obama for the murders. You see, Obama is ultimately at fault for racism and racist hate crimers like Dylann Roof, because Obama has forced normal Americans to hate The Blacks a whole lot. Read more on America’s Worst Lawyer, Larry Klayman, Explains How Barack Obama Got Those Blacks Shot In Charleston…
  It's so crazy it just might work

America’s Worst Lawyer, Larry Klayman, Suing Clintons Again, Totally Gonna Nail ‘Em Now!

Actual pic of Larry Klayman
At last, someone is brave enough to try, for the first hundredth time ever, to hold the Clintons accountable for being the Clintons. And surprise! It’s the conservative group Freedom Watch, the brainfart of Larry Klayman, Esquire JD — famous for such legal victories as having Barack Obama deported for faking his birth certificate and suing Rachel Maddow for defamation, a suit he did not actually win after all, but that’s just because the clearly biased judge was a Jew. And a lady. What a bitch. Read more on America’s Worst Lawyer, Larry Klayman, Suing Clintons Again, Totally Gonna Nail ‘Em Now!…
  Look Who's Frothing Now

Rick Santorum Meets South Carolina Lady Who’s Crazier Than Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum took a few questions from the audience at last weekend’s South Carolina National Security Action Summit, an annual Gathering Of The Wingaloos sponsored by conspiracy theorist, rightwing hack, and Islam-panicked freak Frank Gaffney. So it’s not too surprising that Santorum got this long “question” from a nice lady named “Virginia.” She started by explaining John Boehner’s secret deal with Obama to let illegal aliens into the country, and eventually built to a beautiful crescendo of Pure Weird: Read more on Rick Santorum Meets South Carolina Lady Who’s Crazier Than Rick Santorum…
  Joe Arpaio Me Oh My Oh

America’s Toughest Sheriff And Dumbest Lawyer Team Up To Sue Obama

He IS Justice!
In what promises to be a Very Important Legal Challenge to an out of control dictator, serial publicity whore Joe Arpaio, who’d rather play Border Patrol than enforce boring laws about robbery and sexual assault and stuff, has teamed up with failed revolutionary and terrible lawyer Larry Klayman to file a lawsuit against Barack Obama and his completely unconstitutional executive order on immigration. It may very well be the nation’s last best hope at preserving liberty, unless of course it gets thrown out by some biased Jewish judge. Or a mean lady judge. Read more on America’s Toughest Sheriff And Dumbest Lawyer Team Up To Sue Obama…
  wonket legal funtimes news!

Judge Who Probably Has Vagina Teeth Defeats Poor Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Again

Bitches, man. There you are, trying to sue Rachel Maddow for defamation for quoting your client verbatim, and some hag judge “lady” — in your words, “a woman scorned” — does not even let you win! Naturally, you try to get her thrown off the bench for being a dumb chick, and the dumb RINO Supreme Court will not even let you do that! Dumb RINO Supreme Court! It is all like, nope, not gonna take your case THIS TIME, Larry Klayman, let us know next time you want to sue the NSA or see Bill Clinton’s penis! Read more on Judge Who Probably Has Vagina Teeth Defeats Poor Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Again…
  paging donald trump

Wingnut Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Wants Obama Deported Over Fake Birth Certificate

Larry Klayman sees you, usurper!
When last we heard from tousle-headed super-lawyer Larry Klayman, he was accepting a public censure from the Washington, D.C. Court of Appeals Board on Professional Responsibility. We were a little surprised that Litigious Larry wasn’t fighting harder, but he wanted to put the case behind him because he had “a lot of important things to do to also protect the American people.” Noble! And this week he unveiled the fruits of his unselfish labor in the form of a petition to deport from the United States one Barry Soetero. Or, as he’s known in popular culture, President Barack Hussein Obama. Read more on Wingnut Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Wants Obama Deported Over Fake Birth Certificate…
  Can Willie Be Our Weed Sensei Too?

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition

This child can't stand Maureen Dowd either
With no single national calamity to focus on this week, the Sunday New York Times brings us mélange of Big Journalism on Important Topics, the general drift of which leads us to wish we’d stayed in bed. For starters, there’s another must-read piece by Elizabeth Rosenthal, whose specialty is digging into just why the American medical system manages to be the world’s most expensive even though it doesn’t actually cover everyone. No, not even under Obamacare, imagine that. This time out, Rosenthal looks at the phenomenon of surprise extra fees in hospital bills, which can come from seemingly anywhere. As reimbursement rates from both Medicare and private insurance have been cut, hospitals have been bringing in high-priced, out-of-network specialists to help with tasks that often used to be done by residents or other hospital employees. Take, for instance, Rosenthal’s lead example of Peter Drier, a guy who had back surgery that he thought he’d planned for financially, but which resulted in bills from both the surgeon he knew would do the operation (and who readily accepted Drier’s insurance reimbursement, about $6,200), and an “assistant surgeon” who charged just under $117,000 and would not negotiate on the cost: Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition…
  lawsplainin'

Hero Larry Klayman Accepts Ethics Censure So He Can Get Back To Saving America

Last we heard from legal superstar/world saver Larry Klayman, he was suggesting that maybe Chief Justice John Roberts was blackmailed into voting to uphold Obamacare, and we pointed out that showed a slight lack of awareness about ethics, as he was walking right on up to slandering the motherfucking Chief Justice. We had forgotten that Larry Klayman was already in actual factual legal ethics trouble with the DC Bar, and on Monday he accepted a public censure from the District of Columbia Court of Appeals Board on Professional Responsibility. What does this mean for you, person that likes to laugh at Larry Klayman? Let’s lawsplain! Read more on Hero Larry Klayman Accepts Ethics Censure So He Can Get Back To Saving America…
  can't stop won't stop

Bradlee Dean Will Never Retreat, Never Surrender, Never Stop Suing Rachel Maddow

It was the purest and merest of chance that led us to google our old friend Bradlee Dean to see what he’s up to these days. We had no idea he had such an attractive new website with many colors and much shouting and ALL CAPS headlines and oh look what do we have here? Is Bradlee Dean still writing about how Rachel Maddow defamed him by quoting him? He sure is! And he’s still totally going to sue her, or is suing her, or never stopped suing her. We kinda can’t keep track, and also too we are sorta sad that Bradlee isn’t still threatening to sue us. Read more on Bradlee Dean Will Never Retreat, Never Surrender, Never Stop Suing Rachel Maddow…
  lawsplaining

Larry Klayman Just Kicking Around The Idea That John Roberts Was Blackmailed, No Big Deal

Writing about Larry Klayman has become almost a Mad Libs level of easy. We could just plug in “Klayman” and “court” and “NSA” and “Obama” and come up with a story every day that is pretty close to whatever Larry Klayman is actually talking about. Today, Larry Klayman mixes it up a bit, veering into speculating that maybe — just maybe! — Chief Justice John Roberts was blackmailed into voting to uphold Obamacare. Someone really needs to explain to Larry that (1) that’s ridiculous and (2) as a lawyer, Larry should know a little something about slander per se. Let’s lawsplain! Read more on Larry Klayman Just Kicking Around The Idea That John Roberts Was Blackmailed, No Big Deal…
  One Two Hillary's Coming For You

Larry Klayman Pretty Sure Hillary Will Make You Wish You Had Richard Nixon To Kick Around

When last we saw Larry Klayman, he was pretty worried about how Barack Obama was forcing white people to be racist, and if there were no Bamz, poof! no racism. But since it has been like 10 minutes since Larry had another theory (we use that word so loosely) about what is wrecking ‘Merica, he has popped back up to explain how if Hillary gets elected she is totally worse than Nixon because she has so many more ‘gates to her name, whereas Nixon had just the one. Read more on Larry Klayman Pretty Sure Hillary Will Make You Wish You Had Richard Nixon To Kick Around…
  fight for your whites (to par-ty!)

Larry Klayman: When Will Obama Stop Forcing These Nice White People To Be Racist?

In yet another Wonkette Deleted Comment Come to Life, we now learn that Barack Hussein Obama is personally responsible for the recent racist outbursts by welfare rancher Cliven Bundy and sportsball reptile Donald Sterling. And whom do we have to thank for this insight? Great Constitutional Lawyer Larry Klayman, fresh off his stunning victory last November when he gathered millions hundreds in Washington to demand that Obama put down the Koran and come up with his hands out, is now playing legal advisor to Cliven Bundy, and took the time to pen a column for WND explaining where all the racism in America comes from: That terrible black president. We admit it — we are drawn to Crazy Larry as if we were some kind of Dirty Mary, and we can’t help but want to see what speeding freight train he’s going to hurl himself against this time. Read more on Larry Klayman: When Will Obama Stop Forcing These Nice White People To Be Racist?…
  You Say You Want A Revolution?

Larry Klayman Will Help Bundy Ranch Militia Heroes To Second Amendment All Over Obama’s Face

We do not think we’ve yet had occasion to talk about Larry Klayman in the year of our lord, 2014, which is weird because Klayman is always doing something stupid that is worth noticing. Perhaps he has been keeping a lower profile since his surprise court victory late last year where he overthrew the NSA because of activist judges. At least we think it was something like that. Anyway, nevermind. Larry is back and he’s better than ever, telling us that the Bundy Ranch incident is our new Patrick Henry/Boston Tea Party/whatevs and now the people are gonna rise up and Second Amendment Obama right out of office. Oh wait, we got that wrong. The first shot in the People’s Glorious Overthrow of the Traitorous Blah Guy was fired by Larry Klayman, of course. Read more on Larry Klayman Will Help Bundy Ranch Militia Heroes To Second Amendment All Over Obama’s Face…
  this time they're super serious you guys

One Billion Militia Patriots To March On Washington, End Reign Of Kenyan Usurper

Oh my God, you guys, get ready to pack up your sex toys and hobo beans and flee to the Mexican refugee camps, because Real America™ has had ENOUGH with this Marxo-Islamunist bull hockey in Washington, and is coming for your SOULLSSSS. Girt in the armor of righteousness, but not carrying the AR-15 of the Lord, an estimated* 10 to 30 million nonviolent supporters of Bible-based Constitutional government plan to descend on the nation’s capital on May 16, and hang around until Barack Hussein Obama, Eric Holder, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and the worst RINOs in Congress quit out of embarrassment. Then, as called for in organizer Harry Riley’s understanding of the Constitution, a new President and congressional leadership will Take America Back to, we dunno, 2008? Some time when the president didn’t go around ordering the IRS to hire New Black Panthers to kill our ambassadors at the behest of Vladimir Putin, whenever that was. Read more on One Billion Militia Patriots To March On Washington, End Reign Of Kenyan Usurper…
  regrets i've had a few

Snipy’s Halcyon Days At Yr Wonkette Were Far Too Few

Once upon a time, I had a dream. It wasn’t like a Martin Luther King Jr. type get to the mountaintop dream. It was just one of your run-of-the-mill approaching middle age staring into the existential maw and wishing something would pull you back from the precipice things. And lo, there was Wonkette. My beacon, my thousand points of light, my star that led people to Baby Jesus which probably has a special star name but I am too lazy to look. Read more on Snipy’s Halcyon Days At Yr Wonkette Were Far Too Few…
  misty watercolor memories

Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective

Did you know that when Yr Wonket counts its blessings, we count Larry Klayman first and always? You probably did not know this, but it is god’s own truth, because if there were no Larry Klayman, there would be so much less Wonket. For real, we wrote about Larry Klayman like a dozen times this year, and that only includes the times that Larry Klayman was the subject of the post rather than a bit of derp in passing. He’s a one-man litigation tornado whirlwind hurricane force of nature, and he has the great good fortune to behave remarkably stupidly even when he is not lawyering. Let’s take a fond look back at the year in Larry, shall we? Read more on Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective…
  this whole network's out of order

Get Excited! Larry Klayman Will Now Sue CNN And Then Become Gandhi And Lead America To Freedom Or Something

Fresh off his ridiculous unexpected but sadly deserved glorious defeat of the gubmint reading your sexts, one would have thought that Larry Klayman’s victory lap would at least be somewhat coherent. One would be oh so very wrong, of course, because when it comes to Larry Klayman, all bets are on him reverting to his true weird form. Klayman went on CNN Tuesday to discuss his big win, as you do when your lawyerin’ succeeds, with Don Lemon and CNN’s ubiquitous legal analyst Jeff Toobin. So far so good. Klayman, of course, can never leave well enough alone, because of how he can’t stop perseverating about the evils of the Kenyan Muslin president, so rather than talking about the NSA case like a normal person, he spent most of the time attacking Don Lemon as a super-left-winger. Wait what? Read more on Get Excited! Larry Klayman Will Now Sue CNN And Then Become Gandhi And Lead America To Freedom Or Something…
  fortune favors the dumb

Larry Klayman Wins Stunning Legal Victory Over Government But Still Has Not Managed To Inpeach Obama

Regular readers will know that we have made it a practice to be your go-to source for all things Larry Klayman. Yes, he of the Million Larry March to Inpeach Obama, and the imaginary grand jury to indict Obama, and also too the representing Wonket fan favorite Bradleeeeee Dean, and also last coming dangerously close to suing yr Wonkette for libel for quoting court filings against him. That Larry Klayman. He’s been our secret sauce, our own little spicy goodness, for a while now, but he probably won’t even take our calls anymore now that he’s been discovered by the Emmm Esss Emmm thanks to his improbable court victory against the NSA and their ravenous hoovering up of your phone calls, America. Read more on Larry Klayman Wins Stunning Legal Victory Over Government But Still Has Not Managed To Inpeach Obama…
  what could go wrong?

Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?

Have you been wishing for an unholy trinity of Ron Paul’s abolish the Federal Reserve nuttiness and Rick Perry’s zeal to eliminate cabinet-level departments and, best of all, a threat of “civil uprising” against the government? You are in luck, people, because a couple of retired generals — Army Gen. Paul E. Vallely and Air Force Brig. Gen. Charles Jones, who already run a “We Hate Bamz” organization — created something terrifying that they’re calling a “Citizens’ Commission” that purports to exist to give advice to the legislative and executive branches of government but is really just a garden variety demand that Obama resign or else and also, too, taxation is unjust, except, of course, with the added excitement of hoping people will take up arms to accomplish those things. Read more on Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?…
  million idiot march

A Children’s Treasury Of Larry Klayman & Friends Inviting Barack Obama To Go Sharia Himself

you spelled inpeach wrong
Larry Klayman is a man of ideas. Frequently they involve unsuccessfully suing someone! Sometimes, though, he likes to enjoy some time outdoors with his friends while advocating the overthrow of the government. Larry held a rally across from the White House, where President Obama continues to live in spite of Larry’s well-reasoned requests to “put the Quran down, to get up off his knees, and to figuratively come out with his hands up.” Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Larry Klayman & Friends Inviting Barack Obama To Go Sharia Himself…
  another one bites the dust

Larry Klayman’s Lawsuit Against CityPages Dismissed Because He Is Bad At The Law

Who could ever have guessed that superlawyer Larry Klayman, former scourge of the Clinton and Bush White Houses (credit where it’s due, he sued the fuck out of George W. Bush for Dick Cheney’s energy task force meetings, where even the members of the task force were kept secret), and who most recently has been trying to get ol Prezzy to come out with his hands up, would have a lawsuit dismissed because he is bad at his job? Oh, right, everyone could have guessed that! Because of how we have been watching him lose case after case, forever! First he lost Bradlee Dean’s suit against Rachel Maddow, then he called the judge in the Maddow case a “woman scorned,” then he lost his own child custody or alimony case (we forget), then he called the judge in that case a Jew! It is weird how everyone is always out to get Larry Klayman, with their Jewishness and scorned womanness. And now he has lost another! It is like he cannot even wildly sue people for defamation for no reason without losing! Poor Larry Klayman. Read more on Larry Klayman’s Lawsuit Against CityPages Dismissed Because He Is Bad At The Law…