How great was Levi Johnston and his myriad singular-product-named siblings and his sketchy mom on Larry King Live Tuesday night? We are assuming the answer is “So Awesome.” We’ll post the video later, or not, but meanwhile here’s the only image you need: Shrunken-head banality machine Larry King lovingly examining Levi’s various tattoos on his left (communist) arm, including the classic “Bristol” in hippie script font on his wedding-ring finger. [CNN Photo, hat tip to Andrew Malcolm]

If you had any remaining doubt that Twitter is just a creepy old man muttering batshit nonsense, PUT THOSE DOUBTS AWAY, forever. Larry King has a Twitter. Good Lord. MORE »

Weren’t we just talking about Larry King? Yes we were! Well, the “king of all media” has some very special guests tonight, straight from the meth/moose/Taco Bell capital of the world, Wasilla. The singular Levi and Mercede Johnston will sit down this evening with Hollywood’s favorite death muppet, and dope-dealin’ mom Sherry Johnston is coming along for the ride. (The ride will be in an actual pickup truck, driven from Alaska. Sherry will be shotgun. Mercede likes to be closest to Levi, in the night.) MORE »

Back when newspapers still mattered, and our finest journalists wrote important articles regarding crucial current events and our national conversation in the nation’s better daily periodicals, America knew where to turn for the best columnist covering the subjects all citizens cared about most: Larry King and his USA Today column! But then, inexplicably, about 10 years ago, USA Today killed the finest punditry in U.S. History. The newspaper business has been in free fall ever since. MORE »

Bill Clinton will be on Larry King tonight, but we already know what he says because of the Internet. He’s postponing his Florida campaigning to honor the Jewish high holidays, because… well, let Bill himself confirm the very obvious political motive: “But I think it would be — if we’re trying to win in Florida, it may be that.” You know, offending the Jews during their party week or whatever. And then he says this: “You know, they think that because of who I am and where my politic[al] base has traditionally been, they may want me to go sort of hustle up what Lawton Chiles used to call the ‘cracker vote’ there.” He is so insane. [Ben Smith]

GAHH obviously this is the winner, OBVIOUSLY, of our contest for the best Blingee based on that one weird Larry King photo. You all could learn from the winner, a Mr. Hans-Jörg Brehm, whose name indicates Mexican heritage of some sort. Hans understood two things that do a good Blingee make: (1) layers upon layers of worthless crap and (2) the word “HOBBIT” lit on fire. So everyone congratulate Hans and his illegal migrant family! Five other finalists, after the jump. You will have many seizures. MORE »

HA HA HA we are posting this picture because it’s funny. Apparently Larry King is interviewing, whatsisname, King Ahmad of France. On the teevee. So, CONTEST: Everyone design a Blingee for this photo, e-mail a link to the finished product to tips@wonkette.com (subject line: “LARRY KING ES HALF-BREED MUSLIN”), and we’ll post the best one at some point so you can be “famous.” [The Page]

Oh hell, the New York Times op-ed page is now warning of UFOs. Tuesday’s paper had an op-ed by this Nick Pope guy, who was actually the British Government’s factotum who had to take down the Anomalous Aerial Phenomena reports from the English and Scottish people, after they staggered home from the pub. MORE »

Jesse Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, has given the collective electorate blue balls for a whole week. We’ve been anxiously awaiting his declaration of candidacy for Senate against incumbent Republican Norm “Boxcar Willie” Coleman and Democrat Al Franken, who used to be a comedian once. But then Jesse Ventura went on the Larry King last night and said he wouldn’t be running after all, boo. MORE »

Jenna Bush loves planning her wedding and walking around with feed sacks, but there’s one thing she might not love so much: John McCain. In a shocking appearance with her mother on Larry King Live, she allowed as how she might not be voting for a Republican in the fall. Her incendiary remarks, after the jump! MORE »

CNN host Larry King, the only man in America older than John McCain, has a 9-year-old son who plays Little League baseball in Beverly Hills. And because Larry King grew up back when the sport was called “stickball” and involved tossing around a shrunken pig’s bladder stuffed with India ink, lignum vitae, and torn drafts of the Constitution, he is an Expert who coaches his son’s team. It appears that Coach King didn’t take his mood-control pills the other day, because he flew into a rage at an umpire! MORE »