According to a press release, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt has made the first big move in the Penthouse-Hustler bidding war for Ashley Alexandra Dupre’s nudie shots — $1 million dollars. “We think this is an item that is going to stay in the news for some time,” Flynt said. “We think it’s not bad for a 22-year-old to make $1 million for a few hours work. It beats what she was making at the escort service.” Ashley should take this. Take it! Takey takey takey take! Think of all the rent checks this could pay! But remember to save some for taxes, because you will have to pay those now.

Look at this picture. Repeat after the nausea subsides.

“Courtesy” of the Associated Press

The candidate who is the envy of men everywhere managed this weekend to bag the endorsement of the man who has set millions of men on the path of chronic masturbation. Yes, that’s right: Larry Flynt would like Dennis Kucinich to be our next President (and, by extension, for Elizabeth Kucinich to be our next First Lady).

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One of Diaperman David Vitter’s other hookers, in New Orleans — but not the Diaper Gal, apparently — took a lie detector test administered by the President of Lie Detectors and the test proves she had “safe sex” with David Vitter, all the time, in New Orleans, and her pimp was named “Jonathan.” [Times-Picayune]

The answer, of course, is ALL OF THEM, but what we really mean is “Which member of the Ohio delegation in the House has also ordered hookers from the DC Madam?” Larry Flynt is supposedly about to reveal this, maybe tomorrow or some other day. Meanwhile, let’s meet the candidates. MORE »

* Ron Paul’s gonna get banned from debates just cause he’s the only one who knows the truth about 9/11. [Election Central]
* Dennis Kucinich is still a “whiny ass motherfucker who stands on a box so he doesn’t look like a little midget.” [PrezVid]
* U.S. Mint knows Americans only like spending money with dead white dudes on it. [Suitably Flip]
* Larry Flynt’s mumbling respect for Jerry Falwell. [YouTube]
* Jenna Jameson endorses Hillary. [LAist]
* John McCain autograph on heavy paper doorstop: $200. [On Call]

As seasoned porn fans know, Larry Flynt sends each member of Congress a complimentary copy of Hustler each month. Most offices claim they just toss it, along with all the letters from angry old ladies and all the petitions you sign about mercury in fish or whatever. But according to a former staffer named “Ryan,” one member happily (if secretly) took home each and every issue. MORE »

• Paullyblog: Paul Bedard of Washington Whispers has started a blog. [USN&WR]
• Yeas and Nays: Larry Flynt is going after Representative Tom Feeney in Hustler for alleged vote-rigging. [Examiner]
• Lowdown: Al Shaprton is supporting Tucker Carlson on Dancing With the Stars. [NYDN]
• Reliable Source: DC’s Uptown Theater hosted the premiere of The Guardian. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were there. [WP]

Time for your weekly look at the life of leisure that is a gig on Capitol Hill. This week, your questions were all indicative of creepy anti-social tendencies and our Anonymous Hill Staffer’s answers were all sorta mean. You guys were meant for one another.

After the jump: competitive eating, pornography, intern ass, and the Secret Service. You know, typical fare.

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* Reliable Source: Sen. Kennedy will make his first appearance on “The Daily Show” tomorrow night. . . “The Sentinel,” the “first big-budget drama in a while set in the nation’s capital,” opens Friday. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Moran brothers jump at the chance to represent for DeLay. . . Rep. Dennis Kucinich runs out of his office to help the victim of traffic accident. . . Melissa Fitzgerald, of “West Wing” fame, is hosting a fundraiser for City Council candidate Robert Gordon. . . Press release from Sen. Reid refers to Rob Portman as Bob. [The Hill]
* Inside the Beltway: The Bible will be read aloud on the West Lawn of the Capitol beginning April 30th. [WT]
* Liz Smith: Democrats won’t take Larry Flynt’s “dirty money.” [NYP]
* The Scoop: Willem Dafoe says any connection between Cheney and the vice president character that he plays in “American Dreamz” is by “accident.” [MSNBC]

* Washington Whispers: Laura Bush is expected to increase her profile to boost the approval of the president and help Republican candidates in November. [USN&WR]
* Page Six: Larry Flynt had no evidence of Bob Livingston’s extramarital affairs. [NYP]