According to “Wonkett” bylaws, everything Larry Craig does is 30% funnier by virtue of the fact that it was done by Larry Craig, the winsome bathroom goblin who repeatedly tried to appeal his own guilty plea after he was arrested in a “cruisy toilet” looking for a hot slice of man to get down with. The former senator has opened a consulting firm and has four whole clients! How much would you pay for his professional advice? MORE »

The St. Paul Saints made a funny Larry Craig souvenir to hand out at their games last year, and what better to follow it up with this year than a bobblehead showing Al Franken and Norm Coleman joined at the cranium and wearing a Sesame Street costume? (This is the image that Hugh Hewitt masturbates to every night.) Sadly, the Saints have not yet released a photo of this little doll, and you do NOT want to just do random Internet searches on two-faced monsters, so to your right you see a lovely harmless little Roman god with “key and cock,” which are two things Franken and Coleman lack. [Star Tribune]

Wonkette queer memorabilia operative “Laura” has excavated the D.C. equivalent of a full velociraptor skeleton: “I was just cleaning my room and found Larry Craig’s signed Senate business card in my underwear drawer (along with other mementos from a high school trip to DC). Holy crap! I don’t know what to do with it! What do you think…eBay it or frame and hang it on my bathroom wall?” Laura for god’s sake, IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM. And take good care of it, it is probably deteriorating after years of being surrounded by Craig Kryponite.

Idaho bathroom goblin Larry Craig is out of the Senate and (sort of) out of the closet. The notorious homosexual Republican will no longer fight his conviction for “disorderly conduct” in a Minneapolis airport men’s room, where he was cruising a notorious “cruisy toilet” for gay bathroom sex with a man, who turned out to be an on-duty cop conducting a “sting operation against men cruising for gay sex.” MORE »

Larry Craig is a terrible closeted homosexual and right-wing Idaho “Super Tuber” who was also a loathsome crooked senator who would basically do whatever the land rapists asked, as long as he could keep up the bathroom ass-fucking/sucking. He was America’s Greatest Hero and the symbol of the Republican Party. But now nobody wants to see the tawdry public toilet at the Minneapolis airport where he was last caught plying his particular rough trade. MORE »

Just a day after fellow bathroom goblin Bob “Twenty Dollar” Allen failed yet again in his own absurd quest to expunge all hints of gayness from his police record, the original Idaho toilet troll Larry Craig lost his most recent appeal. Craig was arrested for trying to pick up a cop in a Minneapolis airport men’s room, blah blah blah, and ever since he has been trying to convince legal authorities that he just has a “wide stance” when he urinates in a very heterosexual manner in public restrooms. MORE »

The scene: John McCain, Sarah Palin, a NASCAR venue, in the capital of the Confederacy, tens of thousands of hardcore Republicans, a performance by country hobo Hank Williams Jr. If your skin had higher melanin levels than, say, Bob Barr’s, THIS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN A SAFE DAY TRIP. Otherwise, it seemed to be a pleasant affair today in Richmond. Williams sung a delightful song for Sarah Palin about how she is a woman. The lyrics included, “How can you be so smart and be such a good lookin’ dish?” ABC News adds, “The song compares Palin to a ‘momma bear in Idaho’ protecting her cubs, ready to protect America.” The senior senator from Idaho, in contrast, does not favor bears in Idaho protecting themselves. [ABC News]

Ahh, it’s nice to see America’s Lawyer Class bravely challenging the fascist state’s overreach with a devastating reach-around of its own: “An attorney for U.S. Sen. Larry Craig told a Minnesota appeals court Wednesday that the lawmaker should be able to withdraw his guilty plea to a charge stemming from a gay sex sting arrest because there’s not enough evidence he did anything illegal.” Can you imagine being this attorney for U.S. Sen. Larry Craig? Obviously he knows that his client sucks more cock on any given trip to the airport than a large group of evangelical preachers does on a three-week sojourn to Thailand for “missionary work.” And yet there he is, in court today, trying to overturn a minor GUILTY PLEA for a lame-duck gay clown. [Idaho Statesman]

Oooh this looks sexy, what the hell is it? “Cuddle Party is a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection.” The website also has… Cuddlemonials: “You continue to open new arenas up for me in regard to my own sexuality and my love for women, as well as in learning to love myself and my body.” So basically at Cuddle Party, you just fuck for a while. And one is coming to DC! MORE »

It is not even a slow news day, but all the news is about tire pressure so kill us now. So we went to Idaho Senior Senator Larry Craig’s webpage to see if anything gay was going on and lo and behold, everything gay was going on, in this one screen cap. What a frightening devil this one is, oh, what a terror. [Larry Craig]

So there is this Democratic paraphernalia vendor called Tigerye Design, and they sell buttons and other crap. One such button, briefly available for purchase on their site, showed Barack Obama and Idaho Bathroom Goblin Larry Craig instead of Obama and Idaho Senatorial candidate Larry LaRocco. So until the vendor pulled it, a button was available that showed the guy who even straight dudes want to do and the straight guy who wants to do dudes. Prediction: this button will retail on eBay for fifteen thousand whore diamonds. [AP]