Tag Archives: lamers

  pretty cool people

Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports

Rick Santorum has chosen a new strategy in his quest to win the Republican presidential nomination that he cannot mathematically win: Talkin’ sports. You know, shootin’ the shit with his buddies, the voters, about golf, baseball, bowling. Shooting guns. Those sports. He’s very good at them all, just like Vladimir Putin is at fucking tigers or eating tigers or lying about fucking tigers or whatever it is the Russkies do to look kewl. Did you know Santorum hit a golf ball purty good recently? And then also, too, hit a baseball? Can we just make him permanent Emperor of America right now? Read more on Rick Santorum’s New Pitch To Voters: I Am Good At Some Sports…
 

Parody Wingnut Radio Host Offers $1 Million If Newt Drops Out

We have, let’s see, zero interest in the dull antics of the AM talk radio hosts. But now and then, one of their desperate stunts percolates through the layers of illiteracy and finally appears over here on the “reading medium,” the Internet blogs. So, here you go: Parody wingnut radio host Michael “Savage” Weiner has apparently offered Newt Gingrich a million dollars, and all the money-grubbing amoral piglet needs to do is drop out of the 2012 GOP race to claim this precious money. Read more on Parody Wingnut Radio Host Offers $1 Million If Newt Drops Out…
  new study proves it

Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don’t want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn’t she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed that the only thing she cares about is getting media attention for Sarah Palin. Could the Wasilla creep’s celebrity gravy train finally be breaking down? We hope so! We also hope the Palins do what every white-trash lotto-winning family always does, which is piss through the whole insane fortune in a couple of years and wind up destitute. That toothless crone selling meth in the bathroom at the Anchorage train station in 2020 is likely to be one-time vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin! Read more on Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear…
  Repello Muggletum

Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie

Faded reality-teevee grandma Sarah Palin was hoping her remaining fans — other bitter middle-aged white people who expect to get rich without working — would flock to the premiere of the new two-hour commercial/home movie about Sarah Palin. But in the Republican stronghold of Orange County, California, one of only ten theaters nationwide to release the propaganda last night had exactly one person in the audience. And that person was only there to write Harry Potter jokes about it, for The Atlantic. You see, last night was also the premiere of the last Harry Potter movie. And once again, the sexy powers of Witchcraft have obliterated the boring world of angry old unemployed people complaining about the Negro. Read more on Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie…
  new study proves it

New York Times: Media Stopped Covering Palin Because She’s Washed Up

Hot new scientific data from NYT statistics wizard Nate Silver: “Sarah Palin’s potential candidacy, for instance, is only receiving about one-fifth as much attention as it did several months ago.” And why’s that? Because a cartoon millionaire who just flat out calls Barack Obama an African illegal immigrant is crushing Palin (and everyone else) in the Republican polls. This is why she’s literally begging the “mainstream media” to cover her stream-of-idiocy personal appearances. But the mainstream media is all done with old Failin’ Palin. Not that she ever had a chance in hell of coming close to the GOP nomination — Republicans above the poverty line have always thought she’s a moron — but now there’s no point in even covering her warmed-over clown offerings. Read more on New York Times: Media Stopped Covering Palin Because She’s Washed Up…
  maybe 2012 really is the end of the world

Poll: Republicans Suicidally Depressed With Their Lame Candidates

We are deep into the first year of the 2012 campaign — haha, only 18 more months to go! — and already the Republican Base is so depressed and disgusted by their awful slate of candidates that some experts believe the GOP won’t be able to get anyone to the polls, because of mass suicide and intentional Hoveround-Rascal collisions. This is what happened to Jesus’ dinosaurs, according to the Bible! And we all know that, according to both the bible and many popular comic books and soap operas, that history repeats and repeats. As Alan Keyes said, “Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.” He was right, too. (RIP Alan Keyes.) But what about these Republican candidates? Why are they so awful? Why is the jabbering buffoon Mike Huckabee the only one of the dozen or so “major candidates” seen favorably by even half of Republican voters? Is it possible that Republican voters have realized they’ve been taken for a ride these past three or four decades and that the multinational megacorporations that run the GOP have not the slightest interest in the pathetic lives of working-class middle-aged white people in America? Read more on Poll: Republicans Suicidally Depressed With Their Lame Candidates…
  liberal media

Glenn Beck’s Website Reveals NPR Lunch Video Was Edited To Ruin NPR

Whenever that James O’Keefe guy puts out another heavily edited video against some liberal bogeyman, both the White House and the Washington/New York media quickly fire everyone involved — because the only rational way to deal with claims made by partisan pranksters is to simply punish anyone targeted. That’s why Shirley Sherrod was immediately fired by the White House while the Lame Stream Media nodded approvingly and only Wonkette bothered to look at the allegedly damning video closely enough to see that Breitbart’s crew had carefully edited it to make Sherrod sound like a raving racist. Likewise, the firing of NPR executive Ron Schiller and his CEO boss was cheered by the liberal media and got solemn nods from Democrats in Washington. Only Glenn Beck’s reporters at his website, The Blaze, bothered to watch the unedited footage and note that the various bombshells in the video were taken out of context (the opinions of others made to look like the opinions of Schiller, for example) and that Schiller’s pro-Republican statements were (obviously) all cut out of the video released by O’Keefe. Read more on Glenn Beck’s Website Reveals NPR Lunch Video Was Edited To Ruin NPR…
  ha hah

Breitbart Gets Served With Shirley Sherrod Lawsuit At CPAC

Look what’s buried at the bottom of the New York Times CPAC straw-poll story: Andrew Breitbart, the owner of several conservative Web sites, was served at the conference on Saturday with a lawsuit filed by Shirley Sherrod, the former Agriculture Department employee who lost her job last year over a video that Mr. Brietbart posted at his site biggovernment.com. Read more on Breitbart Gets Served With Shirley Sherrod Lawsuit At CPAC…
  we're milking this for every page view

A Children’s Treasury of Teabagger E-mails Against ‘Baby’s Snatching’

Oh no, this whole Brian Doherty thing is just getting sad. Almost immediately after your afternoon editor took him down yesterday, Doherty went back on his blog and attempted a rejoinder. The crux of his new argument is that, one, “I had no intention of saying [Wonkette] should spend their time proving their objectivity by making fun of other people for having their baby’s [sic] snatched.” So he continues not to understand sarcasm, and despite being a middle-aged blogger, he still doesn’t know the plural form of “baby.” And secondly: “glad to hear that no mother anywhere deserves any sympathy for having their baby taken from them, as long as someone accused the dad of something.” Oh, he IS learning that perhaps you shouldn’t have sympathy for a woman who continues to live with a man that continually abuses and neglects her children. And finally, here’s from an e-mail with a cable news show Reason writers often appear on: “So we just heard back from Reason and they’re not available.” Oh no! We were looking forward to going on that show with them! So at this point, it’s just not worth it to pick on Brian Doherty. But your afternoon editor has received some interesting e-mails! Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Teabagger E-mails Against ‘Baby’s Snatching’…
  wapo should totally hire tucker carlson

WELL, TUCKER CARLSON IS AN INCREDIBLE ASSHOLE: Ezra Klein on the closing of the JournoList email group: “It was ironic, in a way, that it would be the Daily Caller that published e-mails from Journolist. A few weeks ago, its editor, Tucker Carlson, asked if he could join the list. After asking other members, I said no, that the rules had worked so far to protect people, and the members weren’t comfortable changing them. He tried to change my mind, and I offered, instead, to partner with Carlson to start a bipartisan list serv. That didn’t interest him.” [Ezra Klein] Read more on …
  hahaha

Slave Bloggers At WashingtonPost.com Say Farewell To Dave Weigel

National media embarrassment the Washington Post acted exactly like everybody figured the Washington Post would act in the wake of some pointless e-mail episode involving snide remarks by Dave Weigel about the teabaggers he covers and their main newspaper, Matt Drudge’s 1996 link list: the Washington Post pushed Weigel out of his job. Luckily, the “WaPo” (please everybody stop doing that, by the way) has an unpaid slave army of free-content bloggers, like this one, “Not Larry Sabato,” which is a good & serious Washington Post professional byline. It only took the paid taskmasters at the “WaPo” (sorry) about an hour to kill this amusing blog post, by which time we had the screenshot you see here. Read more on Slave Bloggers At WashingtonPost.com Say Farewell To Dave Weigel…
  rock is dead

Conservative Lamers Again Pretending Popular Art Form Is Conservative

One of the most self-defeating fetishes of the modern-day right-wing pundit is assembling “evidence” that some kind of popular entertainment product is actually conservative — because these tunnel-vision wingnuts really do look at the Entire World this way, as some contest between political parties. (“Chicken Run/Wall-E is socialist claptrap, while Avatar/Lindsey Lohan exemplifies the right’s values,” etc.) So, after forty or fifty years of dull attacks on “longhair music” and “race records” or whatever, and approximately a quarter century after popular music gave up whatever artistic pretensions it ever had and just became a dumb autotune-BPM meaningless soundtrack to dance or fuck or stock Wal-Mart shelves to, the wallflowers at National Review have bravely decided to steal rock ‘n roll back from the hippies or whatever. It’s hip to be square! Read more on Conservative Lamers Again Pretending Popular Art Form Is Conservative…
  mittens' world

Mitt Romney’s Ghetto Home To Be Destroyed

The derelict city of Detroit is finally “getting serious” about razing thousands of boarded-up abandoned houses, and the worst ghetto crackhouse of all will soon be bulldozed: the childhood mansion of Mitt “Mittens” Romney. The Romneys and their servants once lived a life of Mormon Aristocracy in the five-bedroom two-story 5,500-square-foot estate in the once-grand neighborhood of Palmer Woods. (Actually, the neighborhood still looks nice beyond the Romney Slum Castle.) Why won’t Mitt Romney pay for the destruction of his awful haunted mansion instead of making Big Government take your tax dollars to knock down this horror-haus? Read more on Mitt Romney’s Ghetto Home To Be Destroyed…
  america's news heroes

MSNBC’s David Shuster In Super-Big Trouble For Secret CNN Show!

Here is one way to get fired, when you work in the cable news “talent” industry: Secretly make a pilot show with your network’s main competition! That’s what weirdo anchorperson David Shuster got caught doing, taping a secret show for CNN while allegedly being the Loyal Employee of MSNBC. And now MSNBC is all, “You are dead to us,” and he is “suspended indefinitely” and well, if his wish was to be on ninth-place loser cable-news channel CNN, his wish may have come true! And he’ll just have to take whatever CNN offers (forty bucks a week and whatever hairs fall off Wolf Blitzer’s beard). [Vanity Fair, as in Juli Weiner!] Read more on MSNBC’s David Shuster In Super-Big Trouble For Secret CNN Show!…
  america's greatest op-ed writer

Ross Douthat’s Imaginary CNN Should Feature People ‘From the Right and Left’ Debating News Topics

There’s the real CNN we all hate, which is nothing but a bunch of political consultant hacks sitting at tables reading talking points right off their laptop screens while Wolf Blitzer staggers around yelling nonsense. And then there’s the imaginary CNN available exclusively within Ross Douthat’s skull, a network broadcasting only Hard News programming. To Ross, the important new columnist at the New York Times who recently created such comical thought experiments as “Why didn’t Holocaust Jews invent the Hobbit?” and “How guilty are hippies for making priests rape children forever?”, CNN is struggling in the ratings because of all this serious news journalism. What the network needs, Ross suggests, is a bunch of idiots debating each other. Which is what CNN is today, right now. GAH! Read more on Ross Douthat’s Imaginary CNN Should Feature People ‘From the Right and Left’ Debating News Topics…
  america's pundits

DAVID BRODER, OUR NEW MARK TWAIN/FOZZIE BEAR? “Then I will write ‘This is not a selfish country,’ after two paragraphs about how people were opposed to this legislation because they thought it involved helping poor or black people or something, using their money.” [Pareene/Gawker] Read more on …
  america's webcam pundits

Here’s the Nut Who Threatened Eric Cantor, Threatening Barack Obama a Year Ago

Ha ha, why didn’t Barack Obama have this webcam arrested LAST YEAR, before Norman Leboon “removed” Barack Obama from the White House after Norman Leboon removed all the satellites from orbit, and also the Secret Service? And why didn’t Harry Reid hold a press conference announcing this YouTube against him? UPDATE: Most hilarious Norman Leboon video ever added to this post, lol Family Guy/Star Wars. Read more on Here’s the Nut Who Threatened Eric Cantor, Threatening Barack Obama a Year Ago…
  republicans in the news

CNN’s New Star Just ‘Too Passionate’ When He Called Michelle Obama a ‘Marxist Harpy,’ Etc.

CNN’s new anchorman, RedState turd Erick Erickson, is very sorry for calling David Souter a “goat-fucking child molester” because, uh, people are so offended by Erickson’s dumb bullshit that they yelled at his wife! (The nerve!) So, what Erick Erickson means is, he’s sorry that you were offended by his blog, which after all is just a blog! Read more on CNN’s New Star Just ‘Too Passionate’ When He Called Michelle Obama a ‘Marxist Harpy,’ Etc….
  walnuts!

John McCain Will Repeal Health Care Reform, Through Magic, If You Send Him Money

A pathetic, amoral piece of garbage who is utterly terrified of losing his fat-cat Senate privileges, that’s John McCain: “I believe we must repeal this bill immediately. I am currently working in every way possible on your behalf to accomplish this. However, I am facing a tough reelection campaign. If I am not reelected this year, I cannot fight for our shared values in the Senate. That’s why your immediate donation of any amount is so critical. Your urgent support will enable me to continue our fight against this terrible bill.” Read more on John McCain Will Repeal Health Care Reform, Through Magic, If You Send Him Money…
  frenemies

McCain So Scared of Losing Senate Seat, He’s Campaigning With Sarah Palin

Angry old idiot John “Walnuts!” McCain is probably going to lose his beloved Senate seat this year and then be forced to actually live in Arizona, which he hates, so he’s even more desperate and crazy than usual. What kind of maverick-y bullshit stunt can he pull to remind Arizona voters just how shamelessly he’ll beg for re-election? He’s bringing the Snowbilly to the desert! Read more on McCain So Scared of Losing Senate Seat, He’s Campaigning With Sarah Palin…
  she even steals laughter

Sarah Palin Totally Bombed On Leno Show, Which Is Why She Got a Laugh Track

Hollywood sideshow Sarah Palin got to do a comedy spot on Jay Leno’s new late-night informercial, Why You Should Dump GE Stock, but nobody laughed at her dumb bullshit, which she also didn’t write herself, because come on there are LITTLE PEOPLE to do those write-y things, she’s got shit to steal from the Red Cross Oscar Movie Charity Suite, she’s got reality shows to sell, gonna get her real-estate-mom hair all tarted up and tall again, by one of those fancy West Hollywood hairdressers who will just love her, and her beauty, until she doesn’t tip and then it’s going to be “THAT BITCH,” etc., but anyway when the weary, beaten old people who haven’t yet found the remote saw Sarah Palin do some jokes on the teevee, they heard laughter and delight! SCANDAL. Read more on Sarah Palin Totally Bombed On Leno Show, Which Is Why She Got a Laugh Track…
  sellouts

Naked Scott Brown To Campaign For John McCain!

A certain nude senator from the state of Taxachusetts wowed the Tea Party Nation with his non-Martha-Coakleyness, which was enough to get him elected, but ever since then he has been SELLING OUT. Exhibit A: his outrageous vote for the jobs bill, which might someday result in actual employment for the lamers who currently spend their days angrily Tweeting about what a SELLOUT he is. Exhibit B: his support for a so-called Republican senator from Arizona, who is the widely acknowledged King of RINOS. Read more on Naked Scott Brown To Campaign For John McCain!…