The last time we noticed CNN’s daytime-teevee anchor lady, Kyra Phillips, she was just cold puttin’ down her sister-in-law or something, on an open mic, and on a toilet. Good times! Now she is telling us about the important sex festival happening tomorrow, “Sword Swallowing Day.” [YouTube/CNN]

As Tehran and London and Washington continue their terrifying game of Nuclear Chicken over the captured British sailors, Iran’s nuclear energy plans and the way that one guy gave a funny look to the other guy, CNN dingbat Kyra Phillips is in Iraq to bring a welcome dose of bizarre chatter to that wrecked country. MORE »

Where is that handgun we keep around the office for emergency suicides? CNN just “teased” the big story that Dan Quayle — apparently still alive — is not running for president. Well, gosh! And how about Jeanne Kirkpatrick, is she officially out of the race? What about I Dream of Jeannie star Barbara Eden, or TV’s Murphy Brown? MORE »

Having driven poor old curmudgeon Jack Cafferty to the brink of insanity, CNN dimwit Kyra Phillips has now been shuffled to some other timeslot with another guy, Don Lemon. He makes a brief, brave effort to mention an actual news story, but just 20 seconds later, the new guy has followed Kyra’s lead into the special world of crazy people talking about nothing.

Cringeworthy transcription fun, after the jump.

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Bathroom gossip and war pornographer Kyra Phillips was reportedly the last journalist (or TV announcer, whatever) to be flown around in an F-14 so that she’d do a fluff feature on how great it is to do a fluff feature on the military. Some Kyra highlights from the transcript: MORE »

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Alert readers noticed a rare intentionally funny headline on CNN.com at 1 p.m. today: “Bush 3.0 releases patch for Iraq war.” MORE »

In all the excitement over Kyra Phillips’ pee-break broadcast from “the situation room,” we forgot to note the charming screw-up made by the guy on TV during CNN’s landmark audio event.

Returning to the drowned city he would only fly above a year ago, the president once again fed New Orleans conspiracy theorists with a mysteriously flubbed line.

“The Army Corps of Engineers have been working non-stop — and I mean non-stop — to damage … to repair the damage,” Bush stammered. (It’s after Kyra’s mic is finally turned off, at 1:42 in the clip.)

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So “NewsBusters” worked their ears to the bone to pick out every intelligible remark in today’s now-legendary CNN gaffe. The only important thing they picked up that we missed is this: MORE »

At 3:16 p.m. Atlanta time, CNN PR shot out this e-mail that will surely make everyone forget that other CNN coverage from New Orleans. MORE »

We’re working on a rough transcription, but until we finish it, just enjoy this video of Kyra Phillips chatting, seemingly in the bathroom, with an unidentified co-worker (Daryn Kagan?) while Bush blabs about levees or something.

Update: In case you’re unclear on what you’re hearing, some of the better bits are written out after the jump. As always, we welcome corrections and better interpretations.

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