Tag: kwame kilpatrick

Ex-Detroit Mayor/Ben’s Chili Bowl Aficionado Kwame Kilpatrick Going To Jail For Long, Long, Long Time

This is really sad, you guys. Just because a federal jury decided that you can’t run a city like it was your personal organized crime family, former Detroit Mayor/convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick, a man Russell Simmons once called the...

America’s Most Awful, Sexty Ex-Mayor Goes Back To Jail

If any Wonketteers happens to be in the vicinity of DC meat landmark “Benz Chili Bowl,” it would be really great if you could pick up an original chili half smoke for Detroit’s sexty ex-mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. What you’re...

Kwame Kilpatrick Released From Jail, Makes Bee-Line To Benz Chili Bowl

Sometimes comical ex-Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, was released from Detroit prison after 99 days of memorable anal sex (and a possible conversion to Muslin!) He was picked up by a private driver (remember to pay taxes on that!) and...

Detroit Sexy Text Message Gal Pleads Guilty

Christine Beatty, former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's former chief of staff and the woman on receiving end of Kilpatrick's repeated inducements to meet him for some sexytime at the Benz Chili Bowl, got all suited up in a DEMURE...

Hey Here’s An Idea Let’s Talk About Not The Election Maybe?

By the Comics CurmudgeonWhile most Americans have just now started paying attention to the Presidential election (holy smokes, did you know there's a black fella running? And some kind of moose lady?), we know that you faithful Wonkette...

Kwame Kilpatrick Puts Country Above Self, Resigns

The most patriotic mayor in the world will not be mayor of Detroit anymore. Kwame Kilpatrick has reached a plea bargain with authorities, so now he has to resign and serve four months in jail, and also he will...

Kwame Kilpatrick Allowed To Attend Democratic National Convention

The Mayor of Detroit has gotten into more scrapes than Harriet the Spy and Ramona Quimby combined, times a million. Nonetheless, Kwame Kilpatrick will get to throw off his electronical tether and CUT LOOSE at the Democratic National Convention...

Kwame Kilpatrick Goes To Jail

The mayor of Detroit keeps getting into comical scrapes, which is great because any time the Detroit Free Press needs to fill its news hole they just look out the window and see what kind of buffoonery Kwame Kilpatrick...

Kwame Kilpatrick Maybe Sex-Texted Other Hot Ladies!

The Great Romancer of Detroit, Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, may not have confined his sex-LOLs to former aide Christine Beatty. Now the prosecutor in his perjury case, Kym Worthy, has changed the wording in criminal charges to suggest that he...

Kwame Kilpatrick Blames Sexy Text Messages On Hackers

Kwame Kilpatrick, the laughable clown and still-not-fired mayor of Detroit, suggests that INTERNET HAXXORS may have gotten into his phone and sent slutty text messages to his chief of staff. His defense team is arguing that the prosecution (he...

Beloved Detroit Mayor Skips Obama Rally

Sexy text-messager Kwame Kilpatrick doesn't want his "legal problems" to reflect poorly on Barack Obama, so he won't be attending a rally to support the candidate in Detroit today. "Legal problems" is certainly one way of putting it! Pretty...

Kwame Kilpatrick Vetoes His Own Removal

Things haven't gotten much better since we last checked in on Kwame Kilpatrick, the comical mayor of Detroit and a leading contender for Barack Obama's black vice presidency. You may recall that his "woes" include bangin' his chief of...