Great news, everybody! If things go just right, we will soon end the Korean War. U.S. diplomats are hard at work with North Korea to officially bring an end to the war that began pretty much right after World War II. At this rate, the Bush-Clinton Administration will begin negotiations to end the Iraq-Iran Occupation at some point in the 2060s.

U.S. Studies Ways To Formally End The Korean War [WSJ]

As soon as Bush can figure out which warring faction is the communists (Iran?), he’ll let them have half the country and we’ll all go back to watching The Donna Reed Show and gearing up for Vietnam. MORE »

Everybody loves to talk about how Iraq is just like Vietnam, as far as the United States losing a big bloody unnecessary war, but now we can add “they cost the same, too.” MORE »

• Katherine Harris pulls the crazy train into the station for maintenance. Get well soon Katy!

• Stop Tim Russert whilst he’s walking and he will cut your effin jacobs off!
• God pardons Ken Lay.
• Joe Lieberman’s not sure who he is anymore, but he’s running for something
• American competitiveness slips again. We’re losing ground to the Koreans in nattiness of street mobs. ‘Tis of thee.
• The president can’t get his mind off his trip to Graceland, Larry King can’t get his off marginally relevant World War II era anecdotes.
• Apparently, the sodomy squadron has been napping on the job, because they needed Vanity Fair to tell them the Watergategate parties were
  all about the ass-fucking.

It’s been a slow news week, so this morning I was all, like, OMG, do I really have to read the entire new Charles Krauthammer column in the Washington Post to eke out an item? Happily, no! All you have to do is get one line in to discover that in Krauthammerland there were no significant wars for, like, most of the 20th century:

1861. 1941. 2001. Our big wars — and the war on terrorism ranks with the big ones — have a way of starting in the first year of a decade. Supreme Courts, which historically have been loath to intervene against presidential war powers in the midst of conflict, have tended to give the president until mid-decade to do what he wishes to the Constitution in order to win the war.

Interesting opener, isn’t it? What about that war that had Loretta Swit and Alan Alda in it? I seem to remember that one got totally good ratings. And there was a later one, too, I’m pretty sure, and it had awesome guest stars like Tom Cruise and Christopher Walken and Martin Sheen. No? Pffft, Charles Krauthammer doesn’t want to hear about your girly wars. MORE »

All images: AP
So I guess there’s totally something up in Korea, because I saw all these protestors on TV. I didn’t really pay attention to what they were demonstrating about, though, because I kept getting distracted by their beautiful modernistic signs and their snappy protest outfits. They wear ties! They’re clean! And then I got sad because I started thinking about our dumpy ol’ protestors with their ugly Sharpie-scrawled signs, like that dowdy mother lady and all those Greenpeace interns, and, who knows, maybe even sign-wavers sporting “miniskirts, stiletto heels, low-cut spandex tops” and, God forbid, flip-flops like the Washington Times tried to warn us about the other day.

Let’s take a cue from our Korean friends and tighten-up a little, shall we? More good-looking signs and the people who wave (and burn) them after the jump.

MORE »

Bush: Hard to Read North Korea’s Motives [AP/Yahoo! News]