Tag Archives: kochsuckers

  Science is Hard -- Propaganda is Easy!

Cato Institute Helpfully Makes Its Fake Climate Report Look Like Actual Government Climate Report, Except Fake

Remember a few months ago when hilariously titled fake ripoffs of bestsellers were all over Amazon’s e-book store — 35 Shades of Grey, or I am the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, that sort of thing? The playful jokesters of the Cato Institute are using their Koch Industries Megabux to top that! They will soon release a delightful “spoof” of a 2009 US Government report on climate change, except that where the real report looks at real science, the fake “Addendum” contains the reassuring news that climate change is no big deal, hooray! Read more on Cato Institute Helpfully Makes Its Fake Climate Report Look Like Actual Government Climate Report, Except Fake…
  funtimes

Watch Tom Barrett Tell Scott Walker He Is a Miserable Weiner (VIDEO)

Here is Democratic candidate for Wisconsin governor Tom Barrett telling off hated weasel face and current Republican governor Scott Walker in last night’s second and final debate before the recall election on June 5. Tom Barrett is of course wasting his breath when he reminds the public that Walker is an amoral tub of turd frosting who exists solely to punish his political enemies rather than to say, govern. But your Wonkette mentions the debate by way of noting who was not there in Wisconsin, at that time or any other time, as this recall campaign has gone on: Barack Obama. No, he’s just hanging out next door in Minnesota, a state that many coastal residents cannot even distinguish from Wisconsin, to fundraise. Might he have had the courtesy to fundraise on the other side of the country, so he at least didn’t look like he was specifically avoiding Wisconsin? Read more on Watch Tom Barrett Tell Scott Walker He Is a Miserable Weiner (VIDEO)…
  this better get on the emmy shortlist

Scott Walker Recall Webcam Wisconsin’s Favorite New TV Show

Wisconsin’s latest craze in televised bloodsport (hey, just in time to fill the void left by the Packers’ playoff loss!) is a hawt new web show with just a single overhead camera starring the dozen or so people that the Government Accountability Board locks into a secret room at an undisclosed location in Madison each day to verify 1.9 million recall petition signatures one piece of paper, one line at a time. Tens of thousands of viewers have already been sucked in by the phenomenon and are tuning in to watch, rapt, as the painstaking process of ruining Scott Walker’s life slowly unfolds. Don’t let the fact that there’s no audio bother you, even — Twitter has made its own soundtrack and character names for the mystery workers! Read more on Scott Walker Recall Webcam Wisconsin’s Favorite New TV Show…
  sounds about right

Scott Walker Bravely Flees Wisconsin on Recall Petition Deadline Day

Organizers of Wisconsin’s effort to recall remorseless demon Scott Walker from office are said to be dumping three thousand pounds of petition signatures off with election officials today per the collection deadline, hooray! Scott Walker is taking the news exactly like the comical cartoon villain that he is, and he immediately flew to New York City to hide/sob among his only friends, filthy aging kleptocrats. And, of course, to beg for their money. UPDATE: Bwahahahaha, recall organizers just announced they are turning in ONE MILLION SIGNATURES, twice as many as are needed to force a recall election and nearly one quarter of the state’s entire voting population. Read more on Scott Walker Bravely Flees Wisconsin on Recall Petition Deadline Day…
  desperate acts

‘Being Less Hated’ Top Gift on Scott Walker’s Xmas Wishlist This Year

Here is some very weird new holiday ad from loathed Kochgobbler Scott Walker. He is serving at a soup kitchen with his family and, you know, trying to make “getting along” faces at the invisible off-camera poors while his wife plaintively begs Wisconsin to “put our differences aside” and “move forward together” instead of focusing on all this silly old recall business, for peace. We’re guessing it’s his wife who has to do the talking because of the dripping sarcasm in Walker’s voice you normally hear every time he opens his mealy mouth about “struggling” families? Read more on ‘Being Less Hated’ Top Gift on Scott Walker’s Xmas Wishlist This Year…
  idiots

Illiterate Scott Walker’s Illiterate Tweet Removed By Staffers

Wisconsin Kochsuckler Scott Walker was so excited to get some time off for Thanksgiving, before he is recalled for being a giant jerkoff and also making Wisconsin number one in job losses. (How’s that “Wisconsin Is Open For Business” slogan working out, Walker?) The governor apparently typed the charmingly idiotic message pictured above all by himself, with whatever thumb wasn’t in his mouth. And then it was removed, presumably by his embarrassed staffers, who will soon be unemployed like everyone else in Wisconsin, the end. Read more on Illiterate Scott Walker’s Illiterate Tweet Removed By Staffers…
  let the kochblock begin

Cyber Weasels Try To Shut Down Scott Walker Recall Website

Hooray, today Wisconsinites begin their campaign to Restore Decency and kick demon prince Scott Walker off his throne! This will Not Be Easy: the Kochsucker King is legally allowed to raise infinite campaign monies to defend himself against the recall, and organizers also have a massive task in collecting the required half million signatures in just sixty days. But Walker and his perverse thugs are still terrified about the possibility of defeat, so a “mysterious” cabal of cyber criminals launched an attack to shut down the website of recall organizer United Wisconsin the day before the start of the petition drive. Subtle! Read more on Cyber Weasels Try To Shut Down Scott Walker Recall Website…
  ew

Watch Herman Cain Call Himself ‘Koch Bros. Brother From Another Mother’

God, what is the joke here even? It is getting harder and harder to type up Herman Cain lines, because here’s the thing: he is the joke. It’s just him. He looks so pleased with himself, so smug here: he made a rhyme! He’ll say it a few times in case your hearing aid is going in and out! He sucks Koch! “AND PROUD OF IT,” he says. Read more on Watch Herman Cain Call Himself ‘Koch Bros. Brother From Another Mother’…
  subtle

Devil Child Scott Walker Welcomes Gun Nuts And Their Weapons To Capitol

Stinky corporate gym sock puppet Scott Walker has a crafty new rule for Wisconsin state Capitol visitors: the guys on his team, Republican gun nuts who want to be able to carry their guns wherever they go, will now be allowed to bring concealed weapons into the building. The people on the other team, the harassing Marxists who want to be able to bring in video cameras to record lawmaker goblins whooping and dancing around the bonfire of voting rights and state pensions, will still be violently arrested and carted off. But here’s Scott Walker’s main point for you libtards who refuse to leave him alone on his own turf: which team here now has guns? Read more on Devil Child Scott Walker Welcomes Gun Nuts And Their Weapons To Capitol…
  don't teabag on me

Wonkette Pals Make Milwaukee Occupation More Fun

Who won the occupation of Milwaukee today? Not Scott Walker, who is probably crying into his Just For Men bucket today as the scary voters/liberals/workers/people once again scare the kleptocrats. The winners of the Milwaukee Occupation are right here! [Thanks to Wonkette commenter YerMa] Read more on Wonkette Pals Make Milwaukee Occupation More Fun…
  recall walker

Crooked Jerk Scott Walker Dropped $60,000 In State Money On iPads

Weasel-faced corporate knobgobbler Scott Walker does not have enough hours in the day to strip the fillings from the teeth of Wisconsin public teachers and pensioners under his sanctimonious Kochsucker banner of “austerity measures,” but he still somehow managed to dig out $60,000 from the taxpayer piggy bank to buy scores of iPads for all the employees of the Scott Walker-created state economic development agency. Pay attention kids, this is how the new Walker corporate-puppet-dictator Loyalty Rewards Program works! Read more on Crooked Jerk Scott Walker Dropped $60,000 In State Money On iPads…
  chris christie

Vulgar Corporate Pig Officially Not Running For GOP Nomination

Well, that’s it! The Republicans’ “Jersey Jesus” of capitalism, gigantic space blob Chris Christie, announced all super-formal like that he will not run for President despite a year’s worth of weepy pleas from the club of Republican insider weiners who begged him with platters of diamond-encrusted donuts and filthy Kochsucker cash to rescue them from the nightmarishly incompetent field of wax-figure knobgoblins stacking the current GOP presidential field. This is Christie’s “definitive” response following a few weeks of tense, feverish piddling from the media over whether he would join the race, which means we should be reading another “Will Christie run even though he is fat?” headline in a couple weeks. Read more on Vulgar Corporate Pig Officially Not Running For GOP Nomination…
  shark vs. shark

Koch Bros. Freaking Out Over Unpublished Scandal Story

Archvillain stereotypes David and Charles Koch are reportedly furious because rival New York billionaire Mike Bloomberg’s media machine is reportedly about to publish some big scandal story that proves the Koch Bros. are even worse than previously thought. So what are the libertarian heroes accused of now? Eating the hearts of Christian babies? Jacking off into Warren Buffett’s caviar? No, they are simply accused of some bribery and standard globalist business crime, in France. France! How are the Koch Brothers even involved in such a socialist country full of health-care-having French people? UPDATE: The story is live at Bloomberg Markets Magazine. Read more on Koch Bros. Freaking Out Over Unpublished Scandal Story…
  sad face

Magic Wisconsin GOP Vote Finder County Makes Magic Happen Again

Wisconsin’s recall elections ended in the death of …we don’t know, probably all of human dignity last night when Democrats managed to recapture only two of the three state senate seats needed to pour water on the flames of whiny hell demon Scott Walker’s 24/7 Koch-sucking pajama party in the capitol. The final defeat was handed down when GOP senator Alberta Darling held onto her seat after the final votes came in late from Waukesha County Clerk Kathy Nickolaus, the incompetent Republican lackey famous for “finding” 14,000 decisive votes in favor of Koch-backed candidate David Prosser in a tight Supreme Court race at the last minute. The extremely close vote count got a tip in Darling’s favor sometime around midnight when Nickolaus finally found another ink cartridge for her Koch Industries color vote printer put appearing spells on the rest of the necessary votes. The state Democratic chair temporarily found half a nut to raise hell about fraud before just going, “sorry for yelling so loud.” Read more on Magic Wisconsin GOP Vote Finder County Makes Magic Happen Again…
  republican family values

Wisconsin GOP Lady Pol Proves Drunk Driving Not Just For Male GOPers

Who says the GOP guys’ team gets to have all the DUI arrest fun these days? That is sexist of them. It’s not like Republican women aren’t also “pro-family values” sometimes, too! See, here we go: Amber Hahn is was a Wisconsin county GOP chair who went on Fox News not long ago to pose as a “random concerned parent” full of Panic and Outrage over the dangerous “pro-union propaganda” teaching of labor union history in public schools. Then Hahn drove her car around drunk until it crashed while her three children were also riding in the car. That’s a little bit terrifying and hypocritical, you might say! Eh, here is the thing about a “family values” politician, tho: danger to children only exists if it is utterly fictional. Real Danger does not count. Read more on Wisconsin GOP Lady Pol Proves Drunk Driving Not Just For Male GOPers…
  heroes to the rescue

Happy Friday Courtesy of Wisconsin Protesters Yelling At Scott Walker

Kochblockers unite! We realize it is no longer actually News news to watch a crowd of angry voters shout at Scott Walker wherever he goes, but what else has there been in the headlines today? Hm, let’s see, jobs numbers remind us of having thirty instead of thirty-two dull forks stabbed into our eyeballs, and everyone’s snot-filled tears over the credit rating were in vain, since Standard & Poors reportedly plans to downgrade the U.S. rating anyway. Oh well, screw that noise for a couple minutes.  Here are a bunch of Wisconsin State Fair attendees crashing the opening ceremony to drown out Scott Walker’s miserable inane speech with their gladiator chants. What is wrong with these people, Scott Walker? Read more on Happy Friday Courtesy of Wisconsin Protesters Yelling At Scott Walker…
  chaos and anarchy

Hooray, Fraud Everywhere Envelops Looming Wisconsin Recall Elections!

Wisconsin’s critical elections to recall six Republican legislators and regain control of the state senate take place next week on August 9, which means it is time for the privately-funded organisms of Terror and Death to hurl into action with all their vote-inhibiting might. We have pictured here an actual Voter Deception mailer blingee courtesy of the Koch Brothers front-group Americans For Prosperity, who were caught sending out these “save the date” invitations to potential voters with, hoh boy, THE WRONG DATE! Read more on Hooray, Fraud Everywhere Envelops Looming Wisconsin Recall Elections!…
  sure not like obama's going to fight it

House GOP Now Planning To Destroy America’s Environmental Laws

Oh hooray, the House Republicans also have a underhanded bullshit scheme to completely gut America’s environmental protections: Instead of moving stand-alone legislation or openly debating the merits of gutting America’s environmental protections, the House is trying to sneak more than 40 anti-environment amendments and policy riders to the Interior Appropriations bill. Read more on House GOP Now Planning To Destroy America’s Environmental Laws…
  everybody just go move to canada

Democrats Forget They Hate Koch Bros. Long Enough To Ask For Money

What do Democrats and Republicans have in common these days, besides a total disinterest in governance and a massive crush on Twitter slapfights? They both love those sweet-tasting Koch bucks printed on paper made of ground orphans. DSCC Chairwoman Sen. Patty Murray called up Koch Industries and left a voicemail asking for the Kochs to renew their $30,000 DSCC donation from last year, oh and, would those nice Koch boys like to join the Democrats for a special summer picnic retreat? Uh, go kochsuck somewhere else, was the public reply from Koch Industries president Philip Ellender, who is still laughing. Are we amused, also? Kind of, except it is more like a horrible burning sensation. Can this filthy kind of Koch humor give you herpes? Read more on Democrats Forget They Hate Koch Bros. Long Enough To Ask For Money…
  psa re: kochsuckers

Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV

Why, exactly, should we raise the retirement age? Who benefits from that? Certainly not people, now being told that they’ll have to toil until death after all, just like the slaves and serfs of the cruel past. And why should the elderly now have to work to the grave? Because the Koch Brothers were born into $300 million fortunes and they’ve exploited hundreds of thousands of laborers and the natural resources of America to make that $300 million into billions, and they don’t want to pay any taxes on that, because they are evil. Here’s a quick video that’s not too lulzy but might be just what your brainwashed grandparents need to receive in their AOL mail. Read more on Here’s How the Koch Bros. Put ‘Raise the Retirement Age’ On TV…
  justice

Wisconsin Judge Strikes Down Evil Scott Walker-Koch Bros. Anti-Workers Law

A judge in Wisconsin’s Dane County has struck down the Scott Walker/Koch Brothers’ anti-collective bargaining law, which means Wisconsin will once again become a luscious workers paradise and all the mean old Tea Party people will be rolled off cliffs, in their wheelchairs. (No, wait, it’s the Republicans who will push all the old people off a cliff, to “fix Medicare.” We are still new here.) Read more on Wisconsin Judge Strikes Down Evil Scott Walker-Koch Bros. Anti-Workers Law…
  where's your marijuana?

Champion Teabagger Loon Screams At ‘Pot Smoking Neo Marxists’

This is our favorite guy ever. We had to watch the whole thing just to figure out if he was yelling at the teabaggers “on his side” or at somebody else … and we’ll have to guess “somebody else,” because these RV Living subscribers standing around him sure don’t look like “neo-Marxist pot smokers.” But neither did Timothy Leary. RIP Timothy Leary. Read more on Champion Teabagger Loon Screams At ‘Pot Smoking Neo Marxists’…