Tag: Koch brothers

PEW! PEW! PEW!

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott Wants To Kill The Constitution Dead. Pew Pew Pew!

Texas Governor Greg Abbott knows what's gone wrong with American government: it's let the Constitution get completely out of control! There's the Supreme Court telling the gays they deserve equal protection under the law, even when that grosses out...

Scott Walker Finally Able To Ensure All Elections In Wisconsin Will Be Rigged

Do you remember Scott Walker? He was one of the eleventy billion people running for the GOP nomination, and we were actually worried about him winning because he managed to seem slightly less bloodthirsty and craven than the rest of...
The Nashville skyline has a building what looks like Batman, what does YOUR dumb city have?

Koch Brothers Protect White Nashville Ladies From Scary Blacks Riding Buses

Nashville is a fast-growing city that looks like it was originally designed by a toddler on meth who just REALLY loves circles. The traffic there? ES BAD! But at least downtown is in the middle. Memphis, on the other...
Hey, what do I know?

Dumb A-Hole Scott Walker Not Going To Be President, Just Like We Told You

Recall, if you will, the puppy days of summer, when we told you dumb a-hole Scott Walker was not going to be president. We had many fine reasons at the time, like how nobody was impressed that he's traveled...
Bringin' back the good old days

Scott Walker Revives Campaign With Promise To Bring Back Sweatshops

Scott Walker -- described, in an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica that conveniently fell through a rift in the time-space continuum from 1000 years in the future, as "a mindless jerk who was first against the wall when the revolution came" -- has a...
I CAN SAY TERRISM YET?

Fox News Has Thoughts On Kim Davis. They Are Strangely Interesting Thoughts!

So, the other day, we showed you a video of a nice panel discussion on the Fox News, about how Kentucky clerk Kim Davis's lawyer Mat Staver is "ridiculously stupid," and we remarked that when a wingnut has lost...
Media orientation session at the Kochs' confab.

Koch Brothers Invite Reporters To Not Report On Party For Secret Donors

This weekend Charles and David Koch (family motto: We’ve got all the money so shut up) gathered 450 of their closest and wealthiest friends for their annual political confab and power orgy. The good news: For the first time,...
Is he even Catholic?

Conservatives Hate New Pope Now, For Being Dumb Commie Tree-Hugger

They really don't make popes like they used to. You know, the kind who may have sorta kinda been in the Hitler Youth -- but reluctantly! And then kinda sorta tried to cover up all that unpleasantness about Catholic...
You mean empathy isn't a dirty word? Even for *lawbreakers*?

Barack Obama Goes To Prison. Sorry, Wingnuts, He’s Just Visiting

Barack Obama made a bit of history Thursday, becoming the first sitting president to visit a federal prison. This follows a pretty impressive speech to the NAACP Wednesday, in which he said some things that, for a Democrat in...
Screencaps of Bernie smiling are a bit difficult to find

Total Joke Bernie Sanders Draws Ten Thousand For Wisconsin Rally, LOL What A Joke

Senator Bernie Sanders had a record crowd at a rally Wednesday in Madison, Wisconsin, drawing nearly 10,000 people to yet another packed event. It's just the latest huge crowd for Sanders, who has been polling surprisingly well against Hillary...

Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real

If you are an 86-year-old wingnut, next time you switch back to the Weather Channel from "Wheel Of Fortune," you might be in for a surprise. There might be a terrible and bad Smartie Pants person talking at you...
As Neil deGrasse Tyson said, maybe if we could see CO2, we'd be doing something about it

Superhero Barack Obama Spending Summer Vacation Saving The World

Some kids have a reading list or a paper route or maybe an aggressive agenda of sleeping late and playing Assassin's Creed Black Flag all freaking day, but Barack Obama's summer project is just plain old saving the world....
But what about when there was only one set of footprints? I slipped in some Santorum, said Jesus.

Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change

Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters' degree in chemistry, from his...

Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House

Rejoice, Liberal-Americansians, for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (Socialist and proud of it!) officially declared on Tuesday that he is running to be president of U.S. America. Awwwwww yeah! And lest you think Sanders is just some silly vanity candidate...
Morans

Moocher Red States Still Don’t Want Free Healthcare Money With Obama’s Name On It

While more than half of our American U.S. states are proficient enough at math to conclude that free dollars from the federal government to expand healthcare access to low-income citizens is a really good deal, some Republicans who are...
Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all...