Tag Archives: Koch brothers

  For an America that doesn't suck

Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House

Rejoice, Liberal-Americansians, for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (Socialist and proud of it!) officially declared on Tuesday that he is running to be president of U.S. America. Awwwwww yeah! And lest you think Sanders is just some silly vanity candidate — like, for example, every single Republican in the race or pretending to maybe be planning to get into the race to boost ratings or sell books — nope, he is dead serious about this, and he’s already raised millions of dollars since announcing in April that he is seeking the Democratic nomination. Read more on Bernie Sanders Will Officially Socialize You, America, From The White House…
  Go on and spite that face

Moocher Red States Still Don’t Want Free Healthcare Money With Obama’s Name On It

Morans
While more than half of our American U.S. states are proficient enough at math to conclude that free dollars from the federal government to expand healthcare access to low-income citizens is a really good deal, some Republicans who are terrible at math and terrible at legislating and terrible in general still can’t quite add it up. Five years after passage of the Affordable Care Act, some red states are still debating, or outright refusing, free money because they just really REALLY hate President Obama: Read more on Moocher Red States Still Don’t Want Free Healthcare Money With Obama’s Name On It…
  Sunday Gossip Hour

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.
Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all over the place this week, with your favorites! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People…
  Kochsplaining

Koch Brothers Explain Bible To Pope. Thanks, Koch Brothers!

He'll see reason OR ELSE
While most of the world is trying to figure out what to do about this whole climate change thing before it’s too late and we are all OOPS! dead, the concerned citizens at the completely objective Heartland Institute, which happens to be funded by the also very objective Koch brothers, are looking out for more important things, like teaching Pope Francis that God loves pollution: Read more on Koch Brothers Explain Bible To Pope. Thanks, Koch Brothers!…
  Clean-up on aisle six

Let’s Jizz All Over The Walmart: Your Florida Roundup

Dumber than a speeding bullet
Lots of hot, fresh Florida Man action this week! Let’s dive right in and see what trouble he’s gotten himself into this time. Cited For Inappropriate Usage Of Floridian Genitals So … ever been at a Walmart, seen a purrrty lady walk by, and decided you needed to choke the chicken right fucking there? No? Meet 20-year-old jerker-offer Taylor Davis, who flogged the bishop and then wiped the, um, byproduct on a couple of Hefty trash bag boxes: Read more on Let’s Jizz All Over The Walmart: Your Florida Roundup…
  someone's plugging the wrong (budget) hole

Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now

Hey, what do I know?
Poop-brained sea monster Scott Walker would very much like to be president of the United States. It’s a heavy lift for a guy who has all the charisma and magnetism of a Styrofoam cup of barley soup left out on a table in a homeless shelter. Scott’s going to have to run on his record of being a total dick to much of the population of his home state of Wisconsin. This week he unveiled his latest state budget, and guess what? Mission accomplished, Scott. Read more on Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now…
  It'll be just like Robocop or Escape From New York.

Koch Brothers Pledge $889 Million To Least Losery 2016 Candidate, If Any

They just want to buy the White House is all
If President Obama’s lame-duck “don’t give a fuck” attitude has been improving your outlook on life lately, then fresh from Freedom Partners’ annual winter summit comes some news that will send you crashing right back down to Frown Town. An anonymous source who attended the summit told the Washington Post that Big Energy kingpins Charles and David Koch, the richest elder vampires of the richest family of bloodsuckers in the world, have apparently committed to spending a staggering $889 million during the 2016 general election. In other words, an unparalleled stream of cash that would make Donald Trump blush. Read more on Koch Brothers Pledge $889 Million To Least Losery 2016 Candidate, If Any…
  there can be only one

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

Good evening, Des Moines!
It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are worth your attention. Well, our attention anyway. You should spend time with the people you love. Read more on Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin…
  Best Little Oilhouse In Texas

Incoming Texas Gov Has Had It Up To Here With You Yokels Governing Yourselves

Use Arial and clip art on your facebook, you know what's coming.
Freedom and local sovereignty are quite the big deal in Texas, unless you and your neighbors want to do something that’s plainly wrong, like banning fracking in your town, and then by golly it’s time to remember that the battle cry is States’ Rights, not city-of-Denton or city-of-Dallas rights, you damned splitters. Which is why Texas Gov.-elect Greg Abbott is warning that unless someone reigns in these turbulent municipal governments, then Freedom Itself is in danger. In fact, if the state government doesn’t unify things and tamp town on all this local control, Texas could turn into some kind of nightmare hellscape: Read more on Incoming Texas Gov Has Had It Up To Here With You Yokels Governing Yourselves…
  the empire strikes back

GOP Uses ‘Cromnibus’ To Let Rich People Give Tons More Money To GOP

These yokels are pure Baltic Avenue.
Take note, progressive Wonkette scum — the GOP establishment is putting on a masterclass in how to consolidate a political victory. The 2014 midterms saw the party’s elders systematically strangle Tea Party challengers in their cribs and ride a wave of outside money to victory. You might think that an alliance between the GOP and Republican-aligned groups would be nice for the party, but that’s why you’re a namby-pamby ally-having liberal and not a victorious Republican alpha man-beast. Politico’s Ken Vogel shows us how the Republicans are using the “cromnibus” to finally yank Frankenstein’s monster back to the lab. Read more on GOP Uses ‘Cromnibus’ To Let Rich People Give Tons More Money To GOP…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Arizona And Florida Declare War On The Sun (Video)

Her graphics team has fun
Rachel Maddow has a near-solstice puzzle for you: Why on earth would Arizona and Florida, a couple of states with near-constant sunshine, take steps to actively discourage people from making use of all that abundant solar energy? If you guessed that lobbying from energy companies — and of course, the Koch brothers — might have something to do with it, you win Will Shortz’s voice on your answering machine. In fact, just before Thanksgiving, Florida regulators quietly gutted requirements for utilities to conserve energy, and also to eliminate solar rebates for homeowners at the end of 2015 in a deal that the Tampa Bay Times says “[gave] the investor-owned utilities virtually everything they wanted.” As of now, two of the sunniest states in the country are officially against solar energy. Stupid old sun, trying to keep fossil fuels from their rightful place and profits! And here we thought that Charles Montgomery Burns was a fictional character. Read more on Morning Maddow: Arizona And Florida Declare War On The Sun (Video)…
  Have A Koch And A Smile

John Oliver: Forget The Senate, These State Elections Are Really Going To Screw Us (Video)

Love It Or Be Impaled By It
Tomorrow’s the big election, and while most of the hoopla is about who’s going to control the Senate, John Oliver would just like to remind you that 1) No matter who’s in charge, the Senate isn’t going to get a damned thing done, and 2) a lot of the serious political fuckery is going on at the state level, where people are trying to get elected by running campaign commercials like the one above, from Montana, featuring “an old man stabbing a child to death with a flag.” (The same ad also includes the candidate saying how much he loves the Constitution — over a photo of the Declaration of Independence.) Read more on John Oliver: Forget The Senate, These State Elections Are Really Going To Screw Us (Video)…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Electoral Dysfunction Edition

Wonkette does not allow magic scrolls, either.
Is it Saturday already? Must be time to put on the old Hazmat suit — which we never leave the house without now, on account of the ‘bola — and go skim off the worst of the dumbth in the comment queue for you, our dear readers. It’s an eclectic grab bag of goo this week, but we see that we moved some folks to political activism! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Electoral Dysfunction Edition…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Literally Eviscerates The Koch Brothers, Through A Window

We detect sarcasm
The Daily Show has a new advertiser, and it is Koch Industries, owned by those “lovable scamps” Charles and David. Jon Stewart graciously and very sincerely welcomes the new sponsor, who is simply trying to appeal to Stewart’s “not yet dying” audience. And how does he describe Koch’s charming ad about how heartland American the company is? Read more on Jon Stewart Literally Eviscerates The Koch Brothers, Through A Window…
  something wicked this way comes

A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Pictures From The Koch Brothers’ Anti-Obamacare Carnival

cornholder
Last time we checked in with the Koch brothers’ frathouse spinoff Generation Opportunity, they were attempting to convince DC’s underemployed youth to shun Obamacare by drowning them in rail drinks and cheap sunglasses. Now that it’s summertime, like everyone else they want to be outside having fun instead of in some dank basement bar, so what better waste of their seemingly bottomless budget than holding a parody of a carnival on the National Mall? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stupid Pictures From The Koch Brothers’ Anti-Obamacare Carnival…
  won't someone think of the porn star moms?

Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break

If you are a DC politician, you are duty-bound to spend as much of the summer outside the city as possible. If you’re stuck in the swamp, you can at least take advantage of the hollowed-out Capitol and switch up your normal routine. Take a zealously investigated page from Republican Congressman Darrell Issa! In a change of pace after all that mikey-cutty stuff with Elijah Cummings (D-BADASS) during this spring’s comedic roast of Lois Lerner, Darrell is indulging in a little light summer outrage and sounding the alarm on the latest “unprecedented abuse of power”TM by the Obama-Industrial Complex. Darrell took a field trip to the Cato Institute for a show-and-tell about Operation Choke Point, a program at the Department of Justice that he says is limiting access to vital banking services, including funds transfer and credit card payment processing, for legal but “unpopular” businesses. Cato claims the DOJ is using Choke Point to harass gun dealers and porn stars, but we soon found out that none other than our most beloved American industrialists, the Koch brothers, could have their points choked at any moment. Read more on Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break…
  sit! stay! roll over! good girl

Grifty Tea Party Chick Will Put Ethics Complaint In Harry Reid’s Permanent File

For a bunch of gun-toting, Gadsden-flag-waving, Galt-going, war-loving, Arab-bombing, independent, self-made, self-reliant, pull-themselves-up-by-the-bootstraps tough mudders, the Tea Party sure comes off like a bunch of thin-skinned nancy boys much of the time. Case in point: the ethics complaint filed by the Tea Party Patriots against Sen. Harry Reid for the high crime and misdemeanor of grievously wounding the Koch brothers’ fee-fees. The group filed the complaint with the Senate Ethics Committee (Ethics in the Senate! Stop, you’re killing us!) on Monday. As of Tuesday, there is no word on whether Reid is still laughing uproariously, or if his guffaws have tapered off into the occasional snicker accompanied by an amused head-shake. Read more on Grifty Tea Party Chick Will Put Ethics Complaint In Harry Reid’s Permanent File…
  Koch'd Out

Who Needs Big Coastal Cities Like New York Anyway, Says Koch Brothers Climate Shill

This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair For Can You Even Believe This Bullshit? Tom Ashbrook’s NPR show On Point is a national treasure, and if you’re not listening to it, then you can’t party with us. Yesterday’s episode focused on a disturbing new study suggesting that the collapse of the West Antarctic Ice Sheet may be inevitable, and in the (ed. note: ridiculous) pursuit of balance, Ashbrook gave time to Koch brothers shill Marlo Lewis, who said that sure, sea levels might rise by 10 feet, but we probably weren’t going to need those big coastal cities anyway. Ashbrook: So you’re saying move New York, move Miami, move Southern Florida, move Boston? Lewis: Yeah. I would say that the built environment, from the studies I’ve seen, most building stock turns over in about 50 years. And so the markets adapt to this sort of phenomenon anyway. Well of course most building stock turns over in about 50 years. That is why Rome is referred to as The Eternal City With Only 50-Year-Old Buildings In It. Read more on Who Needs Big Coastal Cities Like New York Anyway, Says Koch Brothers Climate Shill…
  With Special Bonus Ronald Reagan Slash Fic

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Let’s Put This Whole Jill Abramson Mess Behind Us Edition

Hahaha you know what is NOT front page news at the Times today? Jill Abramson’s unceremonious departure from said Times, which is still front page news everywhere else. The NYT tucks it back on page 20, and it’s about a self-serving little statement from Arthur Sulzberger Jr., who is slowly digging himself a hole to China. Short version: not his fault, totes her fault, NYT loves the ladies. Shut the fuck up, Pinch. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Let’s Put This Whole Jill Abramson Mess Behind Us Edition…
  we are all bozos on this bus

Heroic Koch Brothers Save Nashville From Dystopian Nightmare Of Rapid Transit

Here’s some welcome news! In addition to fighting to keep America safe from the nightmare of health insurance, sending out fishwives to scream at cute-milquetoast MSNBC hosts, and bringing rightwing lunacy to improvisational comedy, it would appear that the nice folks in the Koch Bros. squirrel factory have also managed to sponsor a bill aimed at killing a rapid-transit bus system in Nashville, Tennessee. Actually, the bill would prevent any city in the state from developing a rapid-transit bus system without state approval. You know, because local control is the best form of small government, except when it isn’t. Read more on Heroic Koch Brothers Save Nashville From Dystopian Nightmare Of Rapid Transit…
 

What Are Corporations Lying About Today?

Corporations are people, my friend, as John Roberts has previously pointed out. Chief Justice Roberts thinks those corporations’ shareholders should be able to demand disclosure of corporations’ political expenditures, and he’s pretty sure that companies will abide by their shareholders’ mandates, because what are you, a communist? So we cannot count how many times John Roberts must have uttered “Oh my stars and garters” with his pretty Harvard mouth after he read this report from Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington: The report shows companies frequently are failing to disclose what they say they will. […] In addition to the discrepancies in contribution amounts, CREW found some companies’ contributions to 527 organizations appeared to contradict their stated policies about political giving, published on their websites, in their corporate reports, and in proxy statements. All of this gets very wonky very quickly, so if you don’t know the difference between a 527 and a 501(c)(4), let us Wonksplain at you: COMPANIES PROMISED TO TELL THEIR SHAREHOLDERS IF THEY GAVE ANY MONEY TO POLITICIANS, AND THEN THEY JUST LIED INSTEAD. “Big deal,” you snark, “companies lie all the time!” Ah, correct! Your jaded worldview has won the Internet today, long may you reign. But here’s why this matters. Read more on What Are Corporations Lying About Today?…