Wonkette

Kim Eisler, one-time friend of imprisoned lobbyist Jack Abramoff, has a pretty good piece on the disgraced former power player in this month’s Washingtonian. As everything collapsed around him, Jack basically became a Scorcese character.

“We were a band of killers,” he said of his lobbying practice. “We did a lot of bad things.” He was proud of the fact that if someone got between him and the interests of his clients, he would do everything possible to destroy them.

It’s good to know that, at heart, Jack is still the guy who produced and co-wrote Red Scorpion. The guy’s got an ear for dialogue.

More fun with Jack, after the jump.

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We haven’t checked in with journalist/gadfly Kim Eisler in a while — not since the days of Chris Matthews’ friends laughing at him — but he’s begun posting exclusive e-mails from disgraced ultra-lobbyist Jack Abramoff (in preparation for Eisler’s January Washingtonian piece on their friendship). Here are some of the gems: MORE »

Love! Betrayal! Scandal! Sex! Lobbying! Man, this Wall Street Journal story has everything. It is more or less the quintessential Wonkette story (missing only intimations of homosexuality and references to sodomy — which we will work on rectifying). MORE »

* Oh, the fun we have! Chris Matthews’ friends laughed at Kim Eisler, then Wonkette’s friends laughed at Chris Matthews’ stationery.
* But no one laughed at Jack Kingston’s attempt to cop some street cred.
* Ports, Ports, Ports.
* Having saved David Gregory’s job, we are expecting to be the next recipient of one of his giggly drunk international calls. It’s only fair, Dave.
* We witnessed the all-too-soon end of Take Your Legislator To Lunch day. To everyone’s disappointment.
* Wolf met Jack, and it looks like we made it through the post without a Brokeback Mountain joke! Good work all, drinks all around.
* We called Pat Roberts, and he didn’t seem particularly happy to hear from us. Sometimes we just think funny things…
* They may not be able to convince the International Community that they’re a responsible governing body, but Hamas has convinced 10-year-old girls across the world that martyrs are totally cute.
* Ex-prostitute Tom Malin is not an ex-gay ex-prostitute. He is also, unfortunately, not a Texas State Representative.
* We got drunk at the Press Club! With bloggers! Which son do you think Mrs. Reed is prouder of: Lou, or the one who edits that libertarian magazine?
* Is the military censoring Wonkette? Not exactly, unless you have a pretty liberal definition of “censoring.” But someone doesn’t like us, that’s for sure.
* The State Department is, apparently, a hotbed of bitchy gossip and infighting. Obviously, we’ll be much more interested in it from here on out. U.S. Ambassador to Sudan: “Where’s your prophet now?”
* Is it just us, or were there like fifty identical poll results released this week that were all treated as breaking news? Anyway, we just liked the ones that came with graphics.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the letter to Kim Eisler from Chris Matthews, in all its glory. But you’re hereby warned: Chris Matthews’ friends are going to laugh at you.

(transcription available after the jump)

Earlier: Chris Matthews’ Friends Are So Not Going To Sit With You At Lunch Anymore

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Remember our buddy Kim Eisler? We’ve been chatting with him a bit more lately, and it turns out he’s not actually as popular among the rest of the Beltway media as he is with us. We love the guy. Others, not so much.

Kim send a letter to Time attempting to correct one of their stories about Abramoff. The letter ran to about 400 words, and, starting off by noting that the story’s author incorrectly made reference (in the first graf) to Abramoff eating a decidedly unkosher meal of fried chicken, used that inaccuracy to cast doubt on the veracity of a number of other assertions in the piece. This is the letter that eventually ran in Time:

In the cover story on lobbyist Jack Abramoff [Jan. 16], TIME said he had shared some fried chicken with Indian tribal leaders when he met with them. I know Jack keeps a strictly kosher diet. I asked him about that meal, and he assured me that he did not eat nonkosher food with the leaders, as you reported.

KIM EISLER Bethesda, Md.

That summary, while succinct, doesn’t actually share any language with Eisler’s original letter. Now, we know editing letters to the editor down to pithy two-line comments is fairly standard practice, and really not all that devious or misleading. And despite the fact that they edited out Eisler’s actual point (leaving aside the validity of that point, which we’re not touching), we do think it was nice of Time to print a letter refuting a fact in one of their pieces. What we’re saying is, we’re glad Time printed it. Because it led to another hilarious, fantastic media moment: hate mail from Chris Matthews.

Handwritten and sent to Kim Eisler’s home. Best line: “I think Time just published that letter so my friends could laugh at you.”

“My friends.”

This town is middle school. We love it.

Eisler reports that he was slightly concerned by the “crazy uncle in the attic aspect of the whole thing, which was a little scary, like he knows where I live and he shouts a lot.” Eisler’s full letter to Time, should you be interested, is after the jump.

(Full disclosure: Eisler was scheduled to appear on Matthews’ show, then dropped. The line above was quoted by Eisler from memory. We also just enjoy starting shit.)

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We like the crew over at FishBowlDC and admire their work, which we link to frequently. But given our weakness for irony, as well as our obsession with all things media, we’d be falling down on the job if we didn’t pass along this reader email.

This may take a little concentration — so put down that plastic salad fork and focus. First, read this FishBowl DC item:

Washingtonian’s Kim Eisler is not at all happy with Howard Kurtz. Personally, we’re just amused that at the end of a column spent documenting some other reporter’s conflicts-of-interest, Kurtz profiles a correspondent on the network where Kurtz himself moonlights. Irony alert!

Second, read this “meta-irony alert!” from a Wonkette reader:

Stay with me here as I go all David Foster Wallace on your ass — Um…. the writer of said FishBowl item, Garrett Graff, is the editor at large of the Washingtonian. So — let’s say that Graff highlights how a colleague is not at all happy with Howie Kurtz (whom Graff blowjobish-ly profiled for, uh, the Washingtonian, and what a PLEASELIKEME hummer it was!).

And we are personally amused that Garrett Graff — at the end of his item on how a colleague is upset at a subject of a previous Graff profile AND how said subject has a conflict of interest by dint of his moonlighting job… neglects to so much as intimate that, in the very act of blogging about a guy who’s mad at another guy, who also has a conflict of interest… Garrett soi meme is moonlighting and creating an even more bizarre conflict of interest by reporting about a colleague and refusing to mention it.

Whoa! Didja get all that? If so, then here’s one more thing to note for the record. At the very end of his column, Kurtz at least discloses his potential conflict: “Howard Kurtz hosts CNN’s weekly media program, Reliable Sources.” As noted by our source, Graff does not.

Our musings on this tempest in a teapot — or bubbling in a fishbowl — continue after the jump.

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We’ve had a bit of fun with Washingtonian editor Kim Eisler’s friendship with Jack Abramoff, we admit (we admit also to not recognizing a fairly common expression among observant Jews — has it really been so long since we left New York?). But last night he sent us (and a couple others) a long memo discussing, in great detail, his Kurtz-described “conflict of interest,” his history with Abramoff, and so much more.

Being fans, obviously, of media infighting, we wanted to highlight a few passages:

Consider this for a second. On one hand Abramoff is accused of paying millions of dollars in contributions to, as the indictment alleged, deprive the American people of “honest government.” As if we ever had honest government.

On the other hand, Abramoff is accused of doing nothing for his clients. Could I be the only person in the entire Washington press corps who sees the conflict here? I seem to be. Why was he buying the influence of all these senators and congressmen? How is that doing nothing for his clients ? That is exactly what a lobbist does.

Which is, actually, a pretty good point. And a brilliant defense. Abramoff’s unethical behavior was proof that he wasn’t defrauding his clients! This is precisely how the system is designed to work! As we’ve mentioned numerous times, we occasionally consider ourselves the only actively pro-lobbyist media outlet in Washington. But Eisler has us beat:

I know other people who have gone to the Big House. I play poker and hang out at the race track. I don’t hobnob with the bores that inhabit 15th and L., except for my wife who is not boring and is an exception to this, I admire and like rogues and thieves. I guess that just isn’t done in this starch collar, tight ass city. Come to think of it, if Jack had the guy in Miami killed, that would just be one more feather in his black waterproof cap. Not sure I’ve actually ever known a murderer.

You hear that, Washington? You’re a bunch of tight-asses! We’re beginning to like this Eisler guy. It’s something we’ve always believed too, actually — given the choice between pious protectors of journalistic standards and reporters who drunk-dial nationally syndicated radio, we’ll party with the lush any day of the week.

Eisler’s full “memo” (it’s looong) after the jump.

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Yesterday we shared with you several sightings of the Bush twins, in the provocatively titled “Wonk’d: Barbara Bush’s Full-Frontal Body Rub.”

Today we bring you sightings of, well, everyone else. You can check them out — including a sweaty Chuck Schumer (don’t say we didn’t warn you!) — after the jump.

Please continue to send us your sightings, by email, with either “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Thanks!

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