Tag: kids

Dan Quayle’s Son Pretends To Be ‘Family Friendly’ By Kidnapping Children

Did you know that I Love The Late '80s And Early '90s star Dan Quayle has at least one son, Ben? He does! Did you know that Ben himself is the father to two adorable daughters? Well,...

Robert Gates Hates All Children Who Aren’t Boy Scouts

Defense Secretary Robert Gates addressed this week's Boy Scout Jamboree, the most important event in our nation's history, because SOMEBODY couldn't bother to come. The Wall Street Journal described Gate's speech as "cranky" -- just because he attacked the...

A Veritable Masterpiece Of Savvy Politicking, This Obama Star-Gazing Fete

Barack Obama had a cosmology-themed children's gala on his lawn last night, wherein he invited 150 local middle schoolers to come over and check out his bitchin telescopes, but not in a braggy way. Buzz Aldrin and Sally Ride...

Kids Don’t Eat Free In the District, Even If It Saves Lives

Thursday, June 11: DC has a few issues -- high dropout and teen pregnancy rates, an AIDS epidemic, never-ending nonsensical violent crime -- but there's nothing that a cooking competition can't fix! Get some kids in a room, have...

Falling TVs Are This Week’s Swine Flu

OK so President Obama may have weathered his first hundred days, a pirate attack, the pig AIDS, and the collapse of our financial and automotive sectors, but can he stand up to the nation's latest Great Menace? We refer,...

Elitist ‘Schoolchildren’ Elect Barack Obama

Nothing says "I hate Real Americans" like going to a public school, learning how to read and write, and having some basic knowledge of what's going on in the world around you. That's why the elitist "schoolchildren" who took...

Terrible Michelle And Barack Obama Don’t Give Their Kids Birthday Presents

Well, this is the topper. Barack Obama cannot be the American president because he refuses to participate in our glorious national tradition of giving our children lots of expensive plastic shit for them to choke on all the time....

All Obamaworld Citizens To Be Branded

Meet the Romneys

Remember the Real Victims