Tag: kids

simpler times

At Least Your Boss Didn’t Make You Spend Your Unpaid Sunday With Mitt Romney

Some thought coal magnate Robert Murray of corporate behemoth Murray Energy broke the law when he made his people attend a 2012 Mitt Romney rally on a fucking Sunday in August when there was definitely nothing better these miners...
Ecce Pistolium

Bristol Palin Delighted By How Well Kids And Guns Play Together

Bristol Palin, the Little Flower of Uninformed Commentary, has some thoughts about an "experiment" done by a TV station -- so you know it has excellent research value! -- about kids-n-guns. Waterloo, Iowa teevee station KWWL did a little...
See? Grammar not a problem.

Texas Couple Fights To Keep Kids Good And Stupid, The Way Jesus Likes ‘Em

There are no times tables at the Second Coming, that's what yr Wonkette always says. And apparently Michael and Laura McIntyre of El Paso agree with us, as they are suing the state of Texas for their God-given right...

Elizabeth Warren, Dumb Duggars And A Bunch Of Republican Jerkoffs. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and we hope this post finds you fat and brunched up! We had quite a week, what with the first official debates of Fuckshow 2016. SPOILER ALERT: This campaign is going to be a...
Same as it ever was.

Mean ACLU Sues Teacher For Trying To Shame Atheist Child Into Heaven

Get out your Teacher Of The Year ballots, we have a nominee to present! Meet Michelle Meyer, who teaches at a public school, Forest Park Elementary in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Her ass is getting sued by the ACLU, and...
Still neither jailed nor dead

Ted Nugent: Guns Don’t Kill THAT Many Kids, But What About Swimming Pools, Huh?

Ted Nugent has hit on a strategy that's sure to end all calls for improving gun safety forever: Just say that the number of kids killed in accidental/irresponsible shootings is negligible, then point to something else that kills more...
What's a raptor gotta do to get a little respect around here?

New Hampshire Lege Tells Kids To Shove Their ‘State Raptor’ Bill Right Up Their Butts

In yet another instance of state lawmakers taking a perfectly nice idea proposed by some civic-minded kids and teaching them a wholly dispiriting lesson about how government really works, several members of the New Hampshire House went out of...
So arrogant!

Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns About Girl Scout Lesbians, Because He Is A Weirdo

If you read Wonk on the regular, you will recognize Kevin Swanson as the wingnut homeschool advocate Dok did a nice series of book reports on in his always lovely feature Sundays With The Christianists. Swanson is also pretty sure...

GOP Opens New Front In War On Fruits & Vegetables

The kids are our future, so we should treasure them and take care of each individual precious snowflake child, each of whom is a gift from God or Allah or Spirit Pasta or whatever. But you know what? Skinny...

Jack In the Box Kowtows To Common Sense, Moms, And Wimps And Won’t Allow Guns In Store

Let’s set the stage. You are drunk and/or high, and need a burger. You go to your local Jack in the Box. Just as you are ordering, the French fries start attacking you. Luckily, you are strapped, so you...

Pastor Challenging Lindsey Graham Is A Dumb Piece Of Crap And Here’s Why

Ladies, it’s all your fault. Hopefully you realize this by now, because all the evidence is clear, and there is literally nothing that cannot be blamed on you. Like how you will divorce your husband just because he is...

Ghost Michael Jackson’s Abortion Jamz

MJ fans! Rejoice! The 25th Anniversary remaster of Bad came out on Tuesday, and it is AWESOME. Remastered, digitally perfect versions of songs like Bad, The Way You Make Me Feel, Smooth Criminal...and eight previously unreleased tracks including Song...

Fat Chicago Cop Chokes Kid Out to Rousing Applause of ‘Fox Nation’

Here is a kid probably being an asshole. He is all aggro and in this fat cop's face even while some pretty girl with long luscious hair tries to stop him by distracting him with her young nubile body....

Huckabee Makes Cartoons To Teach Kids Reagan Destroyed Disco Blacks

Hey, kids! Do you like learning history but hate it that your teacher never tells you the story of the time Ronald Reagan and Jesus Christ teamed up to defeat the Nazis? Of course you do. America's Original Fat...

Dan Quayle’s Son Pretends To Be ‘Family Friendly’ By Kidnapping Children

Did you know that I Love The Late '80s And Early '90s star Dan Quayle has at least one son, Ben? He does! Did you know that Ben himself is the father to two adorable daughters? Well,...

Robert Gates Hates All Children Who Aren’t Boy Scouts

Defense Secretary Robert Gates addressed this week's Boy Scout Jamboree, the most important event in our nation's history, because SOMEBODY couldn't bother to come. The Wall Street Journal described Gate's speech as "cranky" -- just because he attacked the...