How did Hillary Clinton, who’s been locked in her Washington home on a barbiturate bender for the last 48 hours with the press clamoring at the gates, and Barack Obama, who commands an even larger, consolidated national press corps now, manage to meet privately (for hot bottled water) at that senator gal’s house last night? Easy! An unmarked van sneaked into Hillary’s side entrance (natch) and kidnapped her, while Obama took his reporters to the airport, locked them on a plane, and drove hastily to the meeting, where he violently ripped the duct tape from Hillary’s mouth and put her through bamboo-under-the-fingernails torture. And the press missed it! MORE »

Justice at last! George W. Bush is about to be impeached and arrested, or vice versa — for trying to murder some guy at Boeing, or something.

Obviously, due to Supreme Court case 05-140, Nancy Pelosi has to order the Police to immediately seize the president and put him on trial.

The case was apparently thrown out last month. That’s probably what “The motions for leave to file petitions for rehearing are denied” means, right? But we’re as anxious to see Bush convicted of murder as any patriotic American, so we’ll show you the whole press release, after the jump.

MORE »