Tag Archives: kfc

  the gang that couldn't bang straight

English Wingnuts Protect Their Beloved Land From ‘Mosque’ That Actually Was A KFC

From Merrie Olde Englande comes this bit of costly stupid: A documentary is set to reveal on Monday how UK police spent £500,000 ($852,000) to control an English Defense League (EDL) far-Right protest against a planned mosque, which happened to be a KFC fast-food branch. The BBC documentary, “Police Under Pressure,” documents how false rumors were spread that a pub was to be turned into a mosque, resulting in the protest in the city of Sheffield. OK, but isn’t the real story here that no mosque was in fact built, and so the xenophobic wingnuts of the EDL saved their city from the horrors of Creeping and Extra Crispy Sharia Law? Why don’t the media recognize the good these fine yobs have done, instead of criticizing and disparaging, eh, wot? Read more on English Wingnuts Protect Their Beloved Land From ‘Mosque’ That Actually Was A KFC…
  all of my love to you child

KFC Gives $30K Apology To Little Girl In Today’s Happy Links!

Whew! What a day it’s been! We’ve got singing mayors, sorry restaurants, and sexy boobs! Get into the magic, the beauty, the mayhem and the luscious madness of today’s Happy Nice Time People goodness. It’s piping hot, and at the end you get boobs! Read more on KFC Gives $30K Apology To Little Girl In Today’s Happy Links!…
  Our Hearts Grew Ten Sizes (Plus Two)

KFC Corporate Headquarters Briefly Restores Faith In Humanity (No, We Are Serious)

You know what sucks? People. All people. Everywhere. (Well, except you beautiful people reading this here blog.) But there is a special place in imaginary hell for the patrons of KFC in Jackson, Mississippi. A three-year-old girl got attacked in the face by a pit bull and had facial injuries. Then, on the way back from a doctor’s appointment, her grandmother takes her to KFC, where they are asked to leave because the girl’s face is TOO DISTURBING FOR PEOPLE EATING AT FUCKING KFC. Read more at HNTP… Read more on KFC Corporate Headquarters Briefly Restores Faith In Humanity (No, We Are Serious)…
  KFCLassy

Enhance Your Child’s Prom Experience By Making Them Wear A Piece Of KFC Chicken Strapped To Their Wrist

Perhaps you have a teenager getting ready for prom. You will of course be adorning them in the finest camouflage dresses that money can buy, but what about a corsage? Why not pick something classic, something that can be easily used for their shotgun wedding as well: the Kentucky Fried Chicken corsage. Read more on Enhance Your Child’s Prom Experience By Making Them Wear A Piece Of KFC Chicken Strapped To Their Wrist…
  keep f... frying that chicken

Hilarious Buttons At California Republican Convention Highlight Hillary Clinton’s Fatal Unsexiness

HuffPo reports that these buttons were for sale at a “VIP reception area” at a California Republican Party convention this weekend. The San Francisco Chronicle’s Carla Marinucci tweeted the photo and noted that the display had been removed at a later point. Read more on Hilarious Buttons At California Republican Convention Highlight Hillary Clinton’s Fatal Unsexiness…
  fried chicken and gasoline

Here Is How You Do Your Non-Apology Apology For Fried-Chicken-Related Racist Facebook Posts, GOP

Are you having a bummer of a day? Maybe work seems like it will never end, or maybe your lumbago is flaring, or maybe it’s just that a black man is president. In any of those cases, we have a hilarious Facebook post from the Rutland County, Vermont, GOP to make you feel better! Just wanted to let you know — today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my butt, 2 discount coupons to KFC, an “Obama Hope & Change” bumper sticker, and a “Blame it on Bush” poster for the front yard. The directions were in Spanish. Watch for yours soon. Hah hah hah chortle wheeze KLUNK. WE DIED. But it seems that some stupid sensitive Democrat pantywaists found this, for some reason, “offensive.” Well, here, thanks to the Rutland County, Vermont, GOP, is how to apologize to them! Read more on Here Is How You Do Your Non-Apology Apology For Fried-Chicken-Related Racist Facebook Posts, GOP…
  it's got herbs and spices

Poor, Stupid Americans Outsource Fire Hydrant Repair To KFC

Some six thousand years ago, when George Washington and Jesus were walking through colonial Williamsburg with their friends the dinosaurs, our Founding Fathers wrote a Constitution laying out a broad vision for what government should and shouldn’t do in a free country. Their “should do” list was fairly basic: “establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity” and so forth. Well, screw those east coast hippy ‘lites and their socialist “general Welfare” nonsense. Collecting taxes to fund normal government functions like public safety, transportation infrastructure, and universal education is a lot of commie rot. Read more on Poor, Stupid Americans Outsource Fire Hydrant Repair To KFC…
  republicans in the news

Conservative Think Tank Apologizes For Posting Image of Obama Eating KFC In Sex Chains

John Hood, president of the conservative North Carolina-based John Locke Foundation, has apologized for a very special graphic that one of his bloggers, “Hot Talk WRNN co-host Tara Servatius,” included in her post for the think tank’s blog this week. What is the controversy? All it did was show “President Obama in chains and drag with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.” What is the controversy? Everyone loves Kentucky Fried Chicken! And look, Tara Servatius says she “didn’t think about the racial implications of the picture when I posted it. I simply don’t think in those terms.” She’s a fun one. Read more on Conservative Think Tank Apologizes For Posting Image of Obama Eating KFC In Sex Chains…
  anti-clown-meat superheroes

Animated Michelle Obama Superhero Kills McDonaldland Clown With Dildo

This is the story that finally almost broke the computers at Next Media Animation, because these Chinese animators have an incredibly hard time making fat people — everyone in the NMA animated video world looks like a 15-year-old skinny kid, even teabaggers. And instead of a worn-out makeup-crusted jowly grandma in a real-estate wig, the NMA team makes Sarah Palin look like some hot piece of Russian tail off the Internet. So, watch as these foreigners — who live in a magical land where people in their 40s really do have the same basic bodies as they did when they were 15 — try to animate obese American children. It’s such a surrender! Read more on Animated Michelle Obama Superhero Kills McDonaldland Clown With Dildo…
  or you could eat that

KFC Covertly Jacking Up National Health Care Costs With Terrifying New Monstrosity

You won’t find a word about it on the KFC website, or in most regional advertisements, but out in the mysterious moon colony of Omaha, the televisions are advertising a new sandwich. This is the only footage known to man. Believe it: KFC is selling a sandwich in Omaha, and god knows where else, that serves as a bellwether for the current state and future hopes of America: Two patties of fried chicken as the “bread,” between which are various forms of cheese, two strips of bacon, and “Colonel’s Sauce” — likely a combination of butter, salt, and cum. Read more on KFC Covertly Jacking Up National Health Care Costs With Terrifying New Monstrosity…
  chicken soup with race

Are Black People Racist For Enjoying Fried Chicken?

Here’s a teevee news report from Rochester, NY about some Popeye’s running out of chicken. Like so much that happens in America, it is both hilarious and tragic. But! The people who are unable to procure their fried chicken, in this video, well they are black, which is a racial issue. And, it turns out, Popeye’s isn’t the only fried-chicken chain having issues related to black people. Is this really the America we expected after Barack Obama’s landslide victory? Read more on Are Black People Racist For Enjoying Fried Chicken?…
  nations of retards

Non-Existent KFC In Fallujah Signals Freedom’s Successful & Continued March

Here’s a clip from Fox News’ Fox & Friends program last Thursday in which they discuss a KFC opening in Fallujah, in Iraq. They are so excited about the fast food wage-slave chain being opened in this awful city, because it means “things are working” in Iraq, democracy and economics, what have you; the little brown terrorists can all now eat greasy chicken and be fat slobs like us. General Tommy Franks is interviewed and says this is great, hurrah. But it turns out there is no real KFC in Fallujah after all; it’s just some black market chop-shop that they probably threw together to make Barack Obama feel welcome during his visit. [TPM Muckraker] Read more on Non-Existent KFC In Fallujah Signals Freedom’s Successful & Continued March…
 

Lonesome Stunt Pulled

Because nothing’s going on in Washington this month, the PETA people chose today to burn a “life sized” effigy of the Col. Sanders cartoon character — the Col. Sanders cartoon character that hasn’t been used by KFC for years, after a brief and embarrassing marketing experiment. Read more on Lonesome Stunt Pulled…