Tag Archives: kerry bentivolio

  Going-Away Present

Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill

We'll always have reindeer
Wonkette readers have been kept well-informed about reindeer-farming Michigan congressman Kerry Bentivolio — from before he even officially won his 2012 election, when this site identified him as a potential heir to Michele Bachmann‘s Krazy Krown, to the raving retrospective when Bentivolio lost his primary this August. Read more on Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill…
  reindeer games

Kerry Bentivolio’s Wild Reindeer Ride Through Congress Is Almost Over

Kerry Bentivolio
In Kerry Bentivolio‘s short legislative career, brought to you by the staggering incompetence and possible sabotage of the dunces on his predecessor’s campaign staff, the reindeer-wrangler-turned-congressman has fought for his tea party values, dreamed dreams of impeachment, and promised to look into which shadowy forces in particular are behind these nefarious chemtrails afflicting the population. Now the truth about the government’s secretive Death From Above program might never be known, so we hope the 11th Congressional District of Michigan is pleased with itself: on Tuesday night, Kerry Bentivolio lost his primary by 32 points. The Wonkette Preemptive Nostalgia Desk now presents a look back at the Accidental Congressman’s unlikely trot through the lower chamber. Read more on Kerry Bentivolio’s Wild Reindeer Ride Through Congress Is Almost Over…
  we better stop or we'll go blind

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Edition That Made Us Feel Good In That Special Way

For some, reading the Sunday New York Times is the ultimate in masturbatory opulence. Would you like to learn about how private jets are getting more affordable because they are now in the reach of super affluent people instead of small-country-owning affluent people? Sure, why not! How about reading how the rich buy $2.4 million houses and then squabble over $750, because they’re just like us, if we were jerkwad tightwads? Howzabout some unholy Google Glass/modeling mashup thingy from New York Fashion week where you can see a picture of Google founder Sergey Brin attired in his best shady/comical Eastern European gangster gear? If none of these completely unattainable candyland fantasy activities please you for your Sunday self-pleasure, perhaps you are a Republican and you would like to fap to the perennial, but still super-sexy, fever dream of impeaching Bamz that we talked about only a few days ago? Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Edition That Made Us Feel Good In That Special Way…
  if it hadn't been for those meddling teenagers...

Michigan Congresscritter Bravely Didn’t Vomit Near Obama, Will Impeach Him Just As Soon As He Figures Out How

Here is a video of Michigan Rep. Kerry Bentivolio at a town hall on Monday, explaining that it would be a “dream come true” to impeach President Obama, if only he could scrape up some kind of evidence of a crime. The clip has gotten a fair bit of attention because of Bentivolio’s claim that he’s already met with lawyers to find out how to impeach the President, but we were more taken with his courage in standing within just a few yards of the Kenyan Usurper: I stood 12 feet away from the guy and listened to him. I couldn’t stand being there, but because he is president I have to respect the office. That’s my job, as a congressman, I respect the office.” Thank goodness he respects the office! Otherwise he’d have… what? Projectile vomited? Run screaming? Shouted “You lie!”? Wet himself? Read more on Michigan Congresscritter Bravely Didn’t Vomit Near Obama, Will Impeach Him Just As Soon As He Figures Out How…
  probably less crazy than Tea Party dudes

Yes, Virginia, There Is A (Sad Befuddled Old Man Running For Congress Who Thinks He Is) Santa Claus

Well now we have TWO Sadz! First we watched the Span’s rerun of the Gore-Bush debate where Jorge Boosh said things like “an elderly,” and now we have read this Daily Caller piece about a seemingly sort of disassociative old man who is running for Congress (as a Republican) in Michigan, and who may kind of think he is Santy Claus. Now, why Daily Caller is going after a Republican is beyond us (sloooow news day?), but they not only point out old St. Nick’s possible need for therapy, but also his bankruptcy and how some lady follows him around calling him a crook. MEAN LADY, LEAVE SANTA ALOOOOONE. Read more on Yes, Virginia, There Is A (Sad Befuddled Old Man Running For Congress Who Thinks He Is) Santa Claus…
  no woman no cry

Future Michigan Tea Party Congressman Will Rescue Us From A Bachmann-Less Future

The only thing the Michigan legislature hates more than vaginas is a contested Congressional race. That’s why they cold gerrymandered the district map for guys like Thad McCotter. So long as he collected 1000 nominating signatures every couple years, he could’ve stayed in Congress forever. But McCotter’s inability to even plausibly forge petitions led to his resignation and the probable imprisonment of his staff. Sad. Fortunately for voters in Michigan’s fighting 11th District, brave hero Kerry Bentivolio was there to save the day. As the only Republican on the ballot in this heavily Republican district, Bentivolio will likely go to Congress by default. Also his opponent Syed Taj, in addition to being a damned dirty Democrat, is a (not-at-all secret) Muslim and a doctor. To many 11th District voters, Taj is basically an Obamacare death panel personified. Read more on Future Michigan Tea Party Congressman Will Rescue Us From A Bachmann-Less Future…