Tag Archives: kenya

  Probably

Wingnut Just Asking If Maybe Obama Is BFFs With Kenyan Demon Who Lives Inside Of Him

'S okay, he's a nice demon like Anya.
WorldNetDaily, that arbiter of reasonable news reporting and speculation ONLY when based on sound evidence, has a question: Did Barack Obama take his own personal demon to Kenya with him, and was it caught on camera getting off Air Force One at the same time Obama deplaned, and do they travel with each other often, and is this why flies sometimes land on Obama’s nose, and does the demon tell him what to do, and does this mean that Obama is the antichrist, and what is the demon’s name, and how long has he been personally controlling America’s president, and why can’t I ever wake up in the morning without being followed around by all these BIRDS! BIRDS! BIRDS! They’re everywhere! Can’t you see them? They have claws and fangs and they say the government is collecting data through the toilet when I pee! No, don’t take me to the hospital again, I’ll never come back! Read more on Wingnut Just Asking If Maybe Obama Is BFFs With Kenyan Demon Who Lives Inside Of Him…
  Hide yr dergs!

Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!

DON'T BELIEVE HIM BO.
You know that thing during the Super Bowl, where there is the Puppy Bowl for all the girls and homosexuals who are only there for the spiked punch? And know how, as per Mike Huckabee, Obama is doing the REAL HOLOCAUST to Israel, by making a deal to keep Iran nuke-free? Well, apparently Obama’s got time for a puppy Holocaust for Allah, during the commercial breaks of the real Holocaust, according to wingnut radio host Michael Savage, who we actually didn’t know still existed: Read more on Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Obama Won’t Stop Murdering The African Christians

Can't we all just get along n stuff?
On this week’s Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, Sarah Palin provides further evidence that news travels to Alaska via dogsled, paddlewheel steamers, and three-eyed ravens. We simply cannot come up with any other explanation for this bit of Palin-flavored conserva-whining about an al-Shabaab attack in Kenya from early April: Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Obama Won’t Stop Murdering The African Christians…
  Easter: A Time For Airing Grievances

Obama Stomps All Over Jesus At Easter Prayer Breakfast, Wingnuts Outraged

Here's the Atheist Muslim Secularist quoting Jesus again
Oh, dear, there goes Barack Obama again, attacking all of Christendom with an unspeakable slur! A few weeks back he offended all decent Christians by saying historically accurate things about the Crusades and slavery to note that bad things are sometimes done in the name of religion, even though they violate the tenets of those religions — clear code for “I like ISIS a whole lot!” Now he’s gone and profaned the Risen Lord by slagging on all of Christendom at a post-Easter “Easter Prayer Breakfast” held Tuesday morning. Just how horrible was the slur against Christians that Obama delivered? Just take a look at this hed at Gateway Pundit, where Jim Hoft continues his desperate bid to regain his crown as Stupidest Man on the Internet: Read more on Obama Stomps All Over Jesus At Easter Prayer Breakfast, Wingnuts Outraged…
  Right-wing humor is as good as it's always been

Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line

Good thing they didn't send their emails to Strongbad, he would have gotten SO MAD.
If former court clerk Mary Ann Twitty, of Ferguson, Missouri, had been paying any attention to Hillary Clinton’s lessons, she might still have a job right now. Same goes for Rick Henke and William Mudd, who used to be police captain and police sergeant, respectively. Instead, it never occurred to them that “hey we send each other racist haw haw jokes all the time, maybe we should delete them, or maybe do this over Snapchat,” and they were relieved of their jobs in March. Well, now we actually get to see the emails! Were they talking about how much they wanted to lynch slaves or how Barack Obama should go back and live with the monkeys in Africa? Less of the former, more of the latter. Read more on Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line…
  He Should Golf With A Teleprompter While He's There

Obama Trolling Donald Trump Again, Will Visit Kenya, Or Home Sweet Home

By now, we can't imagine anyone would make a big deal about it.
In a move that shouldn’t provoke any hysteria at all on the internet, the White House announced that President Obama will travel to Kenya in July for the “2015 Global Entrepreneurship Summit (GES),” which is a “global platform connecting emerging entrepreneurs with leaders from business, international organizations, and governments looking to support them.” Read more on Obama Trolling Donald Trump Again, Will Visit Kenya, Or Home Sweet Home…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Yes, Stevie Wonder Truthers Are A Thing

Ebony And Irony
Oh, golly, it’s time for another Derp Roundup, a chance for us to bring you some of the stories that were just too damned stupid to ignore altogether, but which didn’t quite merit a post of their own. You may want a good stiff serving of the reality-amending chemical compounds of your choice before you expose yourself to this stuff. Read more on Derp Roundup: Yes, Stevie Wonder Truthers Are A Thing…
  paging donald trump

Wingnut Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Wants Obama Deported Over Fake Birth Certificate

Larry Klayman sees you, usurper!
When last we heard from tousle-headed super-lawyer Larry Klayman, he was accepting a public censure from the Washington, D.C. Court of Appeals Board on Professional Responsibility. We were a little surprised that Litigious Larry wasn’t fighting harder, but he wanted to put the case behind him because he had “a lot of important things to do to also protect the American people.” Noble! And this week he unveiled the fruits of his unselfish labor in the form of a petition to deport from the United States one Barry Soetero. Or, as he’s known in popular culture, President Barack Hussein Obama. Read more on Wingnut Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Wants Obama Deported Over Fake Birth Certificate…
  everyone has aids aids aids

How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)

Happy World AIDS Day (a day late, because drunk)!! Have you celebrated? How, exactly, does one celebrate the 25th annual World AIDS Day? We bought our Editrix a 10-pack of female condoms, because safe sexytimes are good sexytimes. The United States, on the other hand, celebrates by spending billions each year around the globe fighting AIDS. Hooray us, because fighting AIDS is a good thing. The fight against global AIDS started in earnest with President GWB, with a generous assist from President Carter, when he set up the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, or PEPFAR. Back in 2003, Congress was willing to fund the hell out of it because that was when the GOP was spending money like a drunken sailor Rick Santorum in a whorehouse petting zoo, because Republican President. Now that the GOP is all focused on debt & deficit (i.e., Dem Prezzy), monies are tight for foreign aid. What’s a President to do? Let’s safe-sexplore.  Read more on How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)…
  and what's the deal with airline peanuts huh?

North Carolina State Legislator Tells 2009’s Funniest Birther Joke

Last week we had the North Carolina county GOP guy who was forced to resign after telling the Daily Show that, sure, the state’s voter-suppression laws were more about reducing the Democratic vote than addressing voter fraud, and if that hurt “lazy black people that wants the government to give them everything,” well, that’s OK too. Turns out he’s not the only wit in state politics, though — consider this knee-slapper that state Rep. Larry Pittman told last Monday to a friendly crowd in Concord: Read more on North Carolina State Legislator Tells 2009’s Funniest Birther Joke…
  chickens coming home to roost

Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya

Rapid City, SD, Councilman Bill Clayton seems like a swell fella! After all, it only took him five months to apologize to a black reporter for telling her she should be deported to Kenya. And anyway, he did not even know she was black, so he is obviously not racist. Here is something weird, though! The Rapid City Journal characterized his comments as “racist.” Like a million times! What kind of libtards are wrecking the media in South Dakota, that they just SAY something is racist even when a city councilman denies it? We think we have found someone else for WND to execute for treason, next time Free Speech Week rolls around! But let us hear more about Clayton’s scarequote “racist” unscarequote comments! And also the time he kind of sort of maybe threatened the life of a fellow councilmember! (Don’t worry, it was probably just surveyor’s marks.) Read more on Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya…
  oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

AP Writes Entire Article About Obama’s Terrifying, Witch-Doctor-Filled Kenyan Village Home

Oh, look, the AP has written a “color piece” (get it?) about how everyone in Obama’s birthplace, Kogelo, Kenya, is a 105-year-old witch doctor cold throwin’ chicken guts around, for science. KOGELO, Kenya (AP) — At President Barack Obama’s ancestral village in Kenya, witch doctor John Dimo tossed some shells, bones and other items to determine who will win Tuesday’s election. After throwing the objects like so many dice outside his hut in Kogelo village, Dimo, who says he is 105 years old, points to a white shell and declares: “Obama is very far ahead and is definitely going to win.” Read more on AP Writes Entire Article About Obama’s Terrifying, Witch-Doctor-Filled Kenyan Village Home…
  that's what I call the long arm of coincidence!

Watch Ann Dunham Give Birth To Two-Year-Old Toddler Barack Obama In Kenya (Video)

Sorry, Barack Nobummer, but the SECRET is OUT. Vice has been approached by some super-not-shady Romanian who totally exists and who transferred to video this Super 8 film (which was invented in 1965) shot by Barack Obama’s fake father, Barack Obama Sr., of you as a giant two-year-old baby being born in Kenya. (In 1961, people were always totally filming vaginal births, on their uninvented Super 8.) But there are some who might unaccountably STILL try to “debunk” this obvious proof with stupid questions, like why do you weigh 23 pounds and came out of your mom’s vagina with your eyes open, holding your head up and looking around, reading at a second-grade level and riding a bike? The Romanian explains it is because Kenyan babies are just gigantic, everyone knows that, but is it because you are actually Damian and Rosemary’s Baby and stuff? (PROBABLY.) And why is your mom, Ann Dunham, listed as “Ann Dunham” in her hospital chart (with helpful yearbook photo!) instead of Ann Obama? Was 1961 Kenya super-feminist and we did not know about it? That would be cool. Totally real Kenyan birth video, after the jump! Read more on Watch Ann Dunham Give Birth To Two-Year-Old Toddler Barack Obama In Kenya (Video)…
  thursday puerto rico roundup

Powerful Gov’t Twitter Monster In Puerto Rico Always Shouting Racist Nonsense at Obama

It’s time for your Thursday Puerto Rico Roundup! What’s going on in that little island that we own or whatever this week? Well, they’ve got a racist Twitter lady type situation going down. Watch out! And how about that, she’s in politics. Steel yourselves: “An adviser to Puerto Rico’s most powerful female lawmaker faced calls to resign on Wednesday after she sent a tweet to President Barack Obama urging him to buy the first lady a double-banana sundae and take her to Kenya.” What’s the problem? That sounds like a great anniversary trip itinerary. Read more on Powerful Gov’t Twitter Monster In Puerto Rico Always Shouting Racist Nonsense at Obama…
  pivotal moments in our country's history

Typo Changes Everything We Know About Obama, Despite Being Typo

A 1990 article in a hard-hitting publication called Vanity Fair either accidentally revealed a state secret: Obama spent some years in Singapore, not Indonesia, as a child! OR pooooossibly, but this is not very likely, an uninformed intern wrote an article about Obama and confused the countries of Indonesia (where Obama “spent” some time as a child) and Singapore (where he “did not spend” time as a child), because the intern only knows about America and everything else over there is a blur. The article stated that Obama was “raised in Singapore.” Later the magazine corrected this, saying, “We should have said Indonesia.” Genius scribe Jerome R. Corsi (pictured, releasing wind) has a theory about this: if lies sometimes are allowed to exist forever as no big deal because no one really notices or cares, maybe it means they are actually true. And because a typo is a form of lie, it can also be considered just a truth that is dying to get out. So, Obama once lived in Singapore and must now step down. Read more on Typo Changes Everything We Know About Obama, Despite Being Typo…
  boooooooo

You Don’t Gotta Tell Joe Arpaio About (Debunked) Literary Agent’s ‘Kenya’ Brochure, He’s Got This

Ghost Andrew Breitbart must be spinning in hell. He told these idiots that the “birther” stuff was “not a winning issue,” and what did these fuckwads at his ghost web empire do? They ran a total birther story with a long embarrassed introduction explaining that they weren’t birthers per se — um, let’s see — it’s about how Obama has portrayed himself differently at different times of his life. Almost as if, when he was a college student, he did not portray himself as president of the United States, and vice versa. It is very fishy how he has done that indeed! But uh oh! Within hours of posting their best VETTENING yet, a PDF of a Bammerz’s publishing company brochure SAYING HE WAS BORN IN KENYA, it turned out that some lady who was an assistant at the literary agency at the time (’91) said it was all her fault, sloppy fact-checking oopsie! An editorial assistant doing sloppy fact-checking? THE FUCK YOU SAY. As a Breitbart follow-up notes, though, Bamz’s erstwhile literary agent requests that you email her a biography you wrote about yourself, as would also obviously have been the case in 1991 as well, when nobody had email. How’d you get to this supposed “assistant,” Nobama? Which of your SEIU thugz did you send over threatening MURDER? Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who was recently sued by the Feds for being too awesome, would like to know! WND (because who else?) has the scoop! Read more on You Don’t Gotta Tell Joe Arpaio About (Debunked) Literary Agent’s ‘Kenya’ Brochure, He’s Got This…