You know who was the very first human on the planet to use humor to serious effect? The 20th-century folk hero Saul Alinsky, inventor of community organizing and father of the Quercus genus of shade trees. Before Alinsky, no one ever thought to mock one’s political foes — and after Alinsky, no one ever did again. MORE »

OH YES, HERE IS THAT THING YOU ALL SENT TO YOUR WONKETTE: Did you know you can make your own magical Kenyan Birth Certificate, for anybody, by going to a website? Yes You Can! Email your version to CNN racist Lou Dobbs. [Kenyan Birth Certificate Generator]

Assuming the president is even human, can anybody verify from which woman’s birth canal he sprang, and where, and when? The answer is no, until Barack Obama produces 1) a valid long-form birth certificate with coffee stains to make it look “real” and also 2) a 47-year-old mucus plug. (Note: do not Google “mucus plug” until after lunch.) But in lieu of this evidence, we are left to wonder whether Barack Obama was born in Kenya at all if somebody dug up a birth certificate from South Australia that looks SUSPICIOUSLY like his Kenyan one. MORE »

SMOKING GUN! California lawyer-dentist Orly Taitz has released the Real Birth Certificate of Barack Hussein Nobama II, from Kenya, given to her by a secret source who is now Target #1 of the CIA & the Hawaiian Hospitals Director (same thing). Anyway, Washington’s hardest-working man in birtherology, Dave Weigel, has already debunked the dickens out of this. Our favorite part: “It’s signed by ‘registrar E.F. Lavender.’ Earth Friendly Lavender is a kind of detergent, and government officials who use vanity initials on official documents are, to put it mildly, rare.” BULSHITT WHADDA U KNO WYGEL? [World Net Daily, Washington Independent]

Kenyan freedom fighter George Hussein Obama, savagely arrested over the weekend for either possessing a single joint or owning all marijuana ever, and fighting the cops over it, has been released. All charges dropped! The Kenyan police now say it was all, heh heh, a misunderstanding. MORE »

OBAMA BRO BUSTED FOR ONE JOINT! Oh noes, one of Barack Obama’s million half-brothers somewhere got arrested, for having a single joint. Where does this dude live, Oklahoma? No, the slums of Kenya! So the cops are just going to fuck with anyone named “Obama” for the next eight years. [Gawker/Telegraph]

Barack Obama’s “ancestors” in the quaint town of Kogelo, Kenya, deign to slaughter this beast if their favorite Luo Tribesman wins the U.S. presidential election. Now that the Bitters have more or less finished voting, everyone forward this post to every Bitter you know, along with scary comments like “THEY’RE COMING FOR YOU NEXT, BUBBA.” It will scare the shit out of them, ha ha. Do it. [CNN]

So once upon a time in a small town in Kenya, people kept having a lot of car accidents. A local pastor named Thomas Muthee of course blamed a “demonic influence” for this problem where people crashed their cars into each other, and some lady had to leave town before everybody killed her to death for being a witch. And then! The pastor visited Sarah Palin’s church in Alaska and asked God to make her governor. MORE »

In addition to his shamefully abandoned 20-years-younger half brother who he met exactly once, Barack Obama also has a grandmother living in Kenya. (This is the lady you used to see photographed with a chicken all the time.) This grandmother has a solar panel on her roof, and thieves tried to steal it under cover of darkness, and now Mrs. Obama fears for her life. What business does Al Gore have terrorizing Barack Obama’s grandmother like that? [Daily Nation]

Wonkette Monetary Policy Operative “Lee” sends us welcome news: the U.S. dollar is totally beating the pants off the Kenyan shilling. You’ll recall that Barack Obama’s hometown of Kenya, Africa finally swore in a power-sharing cabinet following two months of violence after a disputed election. So it is nice to hear the American currency has gained “a slight ground” versus the currency of a nation with a 21.8% month-over-month inflation rate and a recent history of grave political instability. [NASDAQ.com]

The public been duped again by America’s Prince, Barack Obama. You know how he likes to talk about how John F. Kennedy is secretly his father, because Kennedy bankrolled Barack Obama Sr.’s trip to the United States and personally introduced the young Kenyan economist to lovely Ann Dunham? All lies! MORE »