This is a screen shot from a famous computer game called The Oregon Trail. This game is literally the only famous thing about Oregon, except for a few mediocre indie pop bands. Despite its overall irrelevancy, however, Oregon will host one of tonight’s two primaries. The other state is Kentucky, where horses come to die and leave corny extended metaphors in their wake. Your Wonkette will obviously be liveblogging the proceedings tonight, starting around 6:30 or 6:45 Eastern (polls close in Kentucky at 7:00 Eastern, shortly before the state’s “Chicken Supper Time.”) Loser Oregon does not close until 11:00 Eastern, but Obama is giving a speech around 8:30, so we will Never Rest.

JESUS, WHERE TO BEGIN: Hillary Clinton’s pick to win horse racing’s Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles — the only female horse in the race — finished second, broke both front ankles, and subsequently was put to death on the track. The first place horse was “Big Brown.” Go nuts. [AP/Breitbart]

We’ll spend the weekend wishing we had a $2.5 million book deal — congrats, Valerie! — and disappointment that the new CIA director is probably going to be Gen. Michael V. Hayden (rather than the uber-hot Fran Townsend). But here are a few things that you can do on this glorious spring weekend: MORE »