Tag Archives: kentucky

  Nope

Rand Paul Preparing To Announce Plan To Not Be President

Mind: Blown
Spoiler alert, again: Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul is not going to be president. He is not even going to be the Republican nominee for president in 2016. Thanks to some special rules in Kentucky that you can only seek one office at a time, it isn’t even legal for him to run for president, if he wants to simultaneously try to keep his Senate seat, which he does, because even he knows he is not going to be president. Read more on Rand Paul Preparing To Announce Plan To Not Be President…
  welfare queens

Creationists Sue Kentucky For Refusing To Flood Scientific Noah’s Ark Theme Park With Cash

As promised, creationist Ken Ham and his Answers in Genesis/Ark Encounter Consortium of Idiots have filed a frivolous lawsuit against the state of Kentucky for denying them $18 million in tax incentives to build a big land boat Jesus theme park, because the state is mean and says Ken can’t do religious discrimination against people who might seek employment with them. After much wrangling, the project was finally denied the incentives late last year when Kentucky found job postings for the theme park that clearly included religious provisions. Boom. No sweet government cash for you! From their truly stupid lawsuit: Read more on Creationists Sue Kentucky For Refusing To Flood Scientific Noah’s Ark Theme Park With Cash…
  Cold Dead Hands

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an ever-diminishing quotient of common sense. This is just a theory, but damned if the facts on the ground don’t support it. WITNESS: Read more on Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever…
  white crime is the right crime

White Teenage Criminals Are Cuddly And Cute And White And Not Really Criminals Really!

soooo sexy
Dalton Hayes, an 18-year-old out on bond from a burglary charge, and Cheyenne Philips, his 13-year-old “girlfriend,” ran away from their respective homes in Kentucky and stole a series of cars around the South before being arrested two weeks later. It’s a simple enough story: star-crossed lovers go on multistate crime spree! We’re rooting for ya, white kids! Here’s the headline from the Associated Press, as published in the Los Angeles Times: Read more on White Teenage Criminals Are Cuddly And Cute And White And Not Really Criminals Really!…
  The Decisis Stares Back At You

SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June

Have fun biting your nails
Well, we saw this one coming: The Supreme Court will (probably) decide once and for all whether states can ban gay marriage. The Court agreed Friday to review the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision in DeBoer v. Snyder, which is the only one of a recent string of federal appeals court decisions to hold that four states — Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Ohio — can restrict marriage to straight people only. Read more on SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June…
  Who knew health care for kids was popular?

Tennessee To Be Next State To Insure More Kids, Despite Dastardly Obama

Everyone's favorite mascot is back
Tennessee Gov. Bill Haslam wants to extend CHIP! Which stands for Children’s Health Insurance Program! Which insures low-income kids, on the theory that even poor kids should be able to see a doctor when they are sick! Wait, what? We thought Tennessee was against Insuring the Poor. Haslam declined Medicaid expansion for Tennessee in 2012, saying crazy things such as: Read more on Tennessee To Be Next State To Insure More Kids, Despite Dastardly Obama…
  Bill Nye Vs. Stupid Part XLVIII

Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children

Bill Nye (right) talks to A Idiot (left)
We sure like us some Bill Nye. Following up on his February “debate” at the Creation museum, in which he handily took apart the bad science behind that institution, Nye has a book out, Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation. Which is why he braved the dungeon of derp that is Newsmax TV to explain why creationism is simply not good for kids. What it mostly comes down to, of course, is that creationism is bad science — or not science at all, which is the worst science — and that pushing it on kids for the sake of keeping fundamentalist parents happy will have long-term consequences for kids’ ability to function in a world where reality is valued. Read more on Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rand Paul’s Kentucky Fried 2016 Ballot Dilemma (Video)

That is one beautiful graphic, too
Here’s a weird thing that Rachel Maddow noted as part of her wrap-up of post-election silver linings the other day: Due to a Kentucky law prohibiting candidates from appearing on the same ballot for two offices, Rand Paul can’t run for both President of the USA and for re-election to the Senate. Dude’s awfully pumped to run for Preznit, but he also knows in his heart that he’s never going to be Preznit, and so he’d really like to run to keep his current job in the Senate. Kentucky Republicans had hoped to take the state House so they could just change the law and help Aqua Buddha out, but the voters were not at all compliant, and the House remains stubbornly Democratic. (Don’t they realize this was a wave election, and they are required to stand down for the new Permanent Republican Majority? Apparently not.) Read more on Morning Maddow: Rand Paul’s Kentucky Fried 2016 Ballot Dilemma (Video)…
  Stick to TED Talks

Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb

But we're leaving out The Gay, right? Right!
Well, looky here, the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals has decided to cram homophobia down everyone’s throats. Talk about judicial activism! In a 2-1 decision, the three-judge panel — with the dissenter writing a most epic dissent, but we’ll get to that — ruled in DeBoer v. Snyder that it is perfectly fine and legal, and probably also good for the children, to ban marriage equality in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee. The court uses a lot of fancy legal jargon like “strict scrutiny” and “rational basis review” and lots of citations to lots of cases to make it look like the judges are just doing their jobs, but when you cut out all of that lawtalk, the basic premise of the court’s decision to overturn the lower courts’ decisions is that, as judges, they cannot possibly decide whether it is constitutional to discriminate against gay people for being gay. What are they — judges? Read more on Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb…
  have fun with that

McConnell Defeats Grimes, On Track To Become Senate’s Top Beleaguered Cat Lady

Somewhere in Washington, DC, there is probably something with the name of every Senate Majority Leader carved on it, like a marble bust or some old Roman Empire shit like that. Tonight, Mitch McConnell just got a lot closer to putting his own name on that hypothetical thing, as the major networks have called him the winner in his race against sexy, flawed Alison Lundergan Grimes. Read more on McConnell Defeats Grimes, On Track To Become Senate’s Top Beleaguered Cat Lady…
  the tortoise and the scare

Not Content With His Face On TV, Mitch McConnell Also Trying To Scare Voters Through The Mail (Updated)

Ayup, this is Mitch McConnell callin', just wonderin' if you was fixin' to vote for me this Tuesday...
(Update: Grimes responds. See end of post) Since he’s up five points with just a few days to go until the election, one would think Tortoise-American Mitch McConnell would set the cruise control on the campaign bus, kick back, retract his head into his shell, and celebrate by nibbling on some seaweed or something. Or he could spend the last stretch of this brutal election scaring the living crap out of his constituents that they have committed voter fraud by sending them mailers mocked up to look like official government notices with the words “ELECTION VIOLATION NOTICE” stamped across the front, whatever. Read more on Not Content With His Face On TV, Mitch McConnell Also Trying To Scare Voters Through The Mail (Updated)…
  your rock and roll fantasy

Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win

She's got all the goodies
We have told you a bunch of made up reasons why every single endangered incumbent Senate Democratic is actually going to win and Nate Silver can go suck a poll of likely voters. Now let’s examine the Dem candidates for open seats and those challenging vulnerable Republican incumbents. Can we use our powers of wishful thinking and nonsense to conjure an alternate reality in which they, too, will all prevail? We can! Read more on Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win…
  Unskew Kentucky!

Hey, Look At This Extra Money Democrats Found Laying Around For Alison Lundergan Grimes

Yee haw we think maybe?
So there is an election? In, like, two weeks? And it’s sort of important — because ALL elections are important, duh — but there is a very good chance that this election will give Republicans control of the Senate so they can finally finally impeach President Obama, repeal the Affordable Care Act, and require every schoolchild who is not being homeschooled by soon-to-be-retired Rep. Michele Bachmann to sing “Jesus Loves Me” every morning before reading the Bible for biology class. Read more on Hey, Look At This Extra Money Democrats Found Laying Around For Alison Lundergan Grimes…
  OMG! FFS! STFU!

Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)

So according to the World Of Cable Chatter, Alison Lundergan Grimes has completely destroyed her chances of being elected to the U.S. Senate because she didn’t answer the Louisville Courier-Journal editorial board’s question about whether she voted for Barry Bamz in 208 and 2012. Grimes has been so eager to distance herself from the president that she went on for entirely too long about how the election isn’t about Obama and proclaimed herself a big fan of Hillary Clinton instead. As WaPo notes, she could just as well have said: Read more on Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)…
  Uterine Clown Car Survivor Speaks Out

Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right

Just as Darwin Demanded
Reality Teevee show person Jessa Duggar went to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC, and came away believing that Charles Darwin led directly to the Nazis’ attempted extermination of European Jewry, which suggests that the museum’s docents really need to up their game. Ms. Duggar, 21, explained on Instagram the profound anti-science message that she derived from the historical exhibits: Read more on Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right…
  With Crackers We Go Backerds

Kentucky Jew-Hater For Senate Will Save First Amendment With Rhymes (Updated)

With Kooks We Pukes
Meet Robert Ransdell, white supremacist, former organizer for the National Alliance, and write-in candidate for U.S. Senate. He has no illusions that he’ll replace Mitch McConnell, but he’s running anyway to garner attention for his very important message: “With Jews We Lose.” Tell it to the Dodgers and Sandy Koufax, pal! He also hopes that his provocative, rhyming campaign signs (did you notice the slogan rhymes? You can’t go wrong with a rhyming slogan) will expand the range of free speech, seeing as how Kentucky has a law protecting campaign advertisements from being removed. Read more on Kentucky Jew-Hater For Senate Will Save First Amendment With Rhymes (Updated)…
  taxes are also slavery

Rand Paul’s Utopian Vision For America Does Not – Repeat, DOES NOT – Include Slavery

We are really looking forward to Sen. Rand Paul’s upcoming presidential run, when the Aqua Buddha enthusiast will trot out his knowledge of American history that he learned reading the children’s menu at a Bob Evans off the interstate in Harlan County. Remarkably, this will be a step up in the knowledge department from most of the Republican base, but still. Read more on Rand Paul’s Utopian Vision For America Does Not – Repeat, DOES NOT – Include Slavery…
  We Salute You

Thousands Of Virginians Newly Insured. Great. Thanks Obama.

Elitist Liberal Called Us Dumm!
Virginia’s Democratic Governor Terry McAuliffe is dragging his once-noble Commonwealth down the perilous path to socialism, using an executive action that provides health coverage to “20,000 people with severe mental illnesses and 5,000 children of low-income state workers.” This unconscionable abuse of power will force a staggering six percent of the state’s uninsured into a flaming hellscape of accessible medical care. Read more on Thousands Of Virginians Newly Insured. Great. Thanks Obama….
  Shell Shocker

Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money

Oh this guy, what a joker
Looks like Senate Minority Leader and Supreme Chelonian Overlord Mitch McConnell is going to have to find himself a new campaign manager after the sudden resignation of Jesse Benton, who will now have more time to hold his nose and wait for Rand Paul to snap him up for 2016. It might be a long wait, what with the guilty plea last week by Ken Sorenson, a former Iowa state senator who admitted taking bribes to switch his endorsement from Michele Bachmann to Ron Paul shortly before the Iowa caucuses in 2012. What the what? How is bribery in the Iowa caucuses two years ago connected to Yertle’s Senate hopes? Let us connect ye olde dots for you! Read more on Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money…