Tag Archives: kentucky

  The Christians Are Revolting

Jesus-American County Clerks Paralyzed By Gay Cooties

And now this shit
Despite the Supreme Court ordering every single American to get gay married right this second, some Real Good Christians are shouting, “Don’t wanna! Don’t hafta! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” Which is rude and also wrong, but that rarely stops bigots from doing that thing they do. Which is why they are inventing loopholes, or outright defying what is now the law of the land, to continue their battle against equality. Read more on Jesus-American County Clerks Paralyzed By Gay Cooties…
  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  Bitch made fun of Noah's Ark too

Creation Museum Guy: If Miley Cyrus Is So Gay, She Should Do Sex To Barnyard Animals

Evolution!
Miley Cyrus is in the news this week, gettin’ all nekkid and having her picture made for Paper magazine, and the accompanying interview is actually quite cool, unless you are Ken Ham from Answers In Genesis, that creationist fool who runs the big fake Bible science Creation Museum in Kentucky. Ham decided to write a bloggy post about Ms. Cyrus’s naked body, and how her revelation that she is “gender fluid” means she ought to just go ahead and fuck animals. Frankly, we’re a little worried Ham has been mainlining too much myrrh. Here is what Cyrus said: Read more on Creation Museum Guy: If Miley Cyrus Is So Gay, She Should Do Sex To Barnyard Animals…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Send Us Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Mentally Ill Kentuckians: Your Florida Roundup

This story has Bearing Arms AND Baring Arms in it!
Greetings, Wonketeers, from America’s Sam’s Cola, a state so strange and wondrous that all kinds of people are just dying to move here, and then some of them die here, because they are old. One of our newest denizens is a man named Adam Horine, but for some strange reason he did not actually want to come here at all: Read more on Send Us Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Mentally Ill Kentuckians: Your Florida Roundup…
  The Dunning-Kruger Effect In Action

Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science

she's as enthusiastic as ever!
We’re sad to report that her very modest YouTube success may have spoiled Megan Fox — not the pouty, please-rescue-me gal from the Transformers movies, but the loopy Christianist homeschool mom whose bizarre “audit” of Chicago’s Field Museum became a viral must-see last fall. She did a follow-up visit to a zoo, where she explained that hunters have saved the wild animals of “Zambibia,” but while her eyes are just as crazy as ever, her schtick was already growing old. Now she’s back with a new multi-part exploration of Kentucky’s Creation Museum, and — would you believe this? — where she was awfully skeptical of all the “science” in the Field Museum, she finds the Creation Museum “pretty convincing.” Read more on Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science…
  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Too feral for Kentucky even

Kentucky Nanny State Won’t Let ‘Off-The-Grid’ Family Raise Kids In Garbage

It's not like they're criminally collecting water samples without permission, after all
Oh boy, it’s another Mommy War! In one corner, Joe and Nicole Naugler, of Breckenridge County, Kentucky, who have a Facebook page — “My Blessed Little Homestead” — documenting their adventures in off-the-grid parenting and homesteading, making crafts, and natural living. In the other, the jackbooted thugs of Kentucky Child Protective Services, who either swooped in and kidnapped the Nauglers’ 10 children because the government hates freedom and homeschooling, or maybe because the parents were raising the kids in a garbage-strewn shack and “educating” them by letting them wander around like stray chickens. (Apparently this is called “unschooling,” and it is considered a good thing by some folks. Then again, so is Ted Cruz.) Read more on Kentucky Nanny State Won’t Let ‘Off-The-Grid’ Family Raise Kids In Garbage…
  our well regulated militia

Gun Fun Roundup: Please Don’t Shoot Your Pal In Gun Safety Class

There may be an infinite number of cat & gun photos on the interwebs. Science must know why!
How are America’s Responsible Gun Owners preventing crime and tyranny this week? We bet there’s just no end of stories of valiant crime-stoppers and freedom defenders to look at! Other Than That, Safety Class Went Great In Orem, Utah, two police cadets were waiting for their gun safety class to start, and then they learned an important lesson about gun safety: Read more on Gun Fun Roundup: Please Don’t Shoot Your Pal In Gun Safety Class…
  bad analogies

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

Say what now?
We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that’s probably definitely we are pretty darn sure going to happen real soon.) Bigots say equality will mean the end of the world or at least make politicians get drunk and crash their boats into children. And it will cause a million more abortions and force dudes to have to explain periods to their daughters, can you EVEN IMAGINE. Read more on Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!…
 

Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!

It's the end of the world! Except not
Tuesday was the last chance for bigots to explain to the Supreme Court why it is constitutional to deny equal rights to gay people because you think they have icky sex. The Court had two questions to consider: First, is it okay for states to prohibit gays from doing marriage together because “tradition” and “ewww gross” and “states’ rights” and “some people don’t like it” and “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!”? Second, is it okay for states that prohibit marriage equality to tell already gay-married gay couples from other states that their marriages do not count, because this here is Kentucky (for example) damnit, and we do not like you liberal state gay types, for America? And freedom? Read more on Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!…
  Nope

Rand Paul Preparing To Announce Plan To Not Be President

Mind: Blown
Spoiler alert, again: Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul is not going to be president. He is not even going to be the Republican nominee for president in 2016. Thanks to some special rules in Kentucky that you can only seek one office at a time, it isn’t even legal for him to run for president, if he wants to simultaneously try to keep his Senate seat, which he does, because even he knows he is not going to be president. Read more on Rand Paul Preparing To Announce Plan To Not Be President…
  welfare queens

Creationists Sue Kentucky For Refusing To Flood Scientific Noah’s Ark Theme Park With Cash

As promised, creationist Ken Ham and his Answers in Genesis/Ark Encounter Consortium of Idiots have filed a frivolous lawsuit against the state of Kentucky for denying them $18 million in tax incentives to build a big land boat Jesus theme park, because the state is mean and says Ken can’t do religious discrimination against people who might seek employment with them. After much wrangling, the project was finally denied the incentives late last year when Kentucky found job postings for the theme park that clearly included religious provisions. Boom. No sweet government cash for you! From their truly stupid lawsuit: Read more on Creationists Sue Kentucky For Refusing To Flood Scientific Noah’s Ark Theme Park With Cash…
  Cold Dead Hands

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an ever-diminishing quotient of common sense. This is just a theory, but damned if the facts on the ground don’t support it. WITNESS: Read more on Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever…
  white crime is the right crime

White Teenage Criminals Are Cuddly And Cute And White And Not Really Criminals Really!

soooo sexy
Dalton Hayes, an 18-year-old out on bond from a burglary charge, and Cheyenne Philips, his 13-year-old “girlfriend,” ran away from their respective homes in Kentucky and stole a series of cars around the South before being arrested two weeks later. It’s a simple enough story: star-crossed lovers go on multistate crime spree! We’re rooting for ya, white kids! Here’s the headline from the Associated Press, as published in the Los Angeles Times: Read more on White Teenage Criminals Are Cuddly And Cute And White And Not Really Criminals Really!…
  The Decisis Stares Back At You

SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June

America
Well, we saw this one coming: The Supreme Court will (probably) decide once and for all whether states can ban gay marriage. The Court agreed Friday to review the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision in DeBoer v. Snyder, which is the only one of a recent string of federal appeals court decisions to hold that four states — Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Ohio — can restrict marriage to straight people only. Read more on SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June…
  Who knew health care for kids was popular?

Tennessee To Be Next State To Insure More Kids, Despite Dastardly Obama

Everyone's favorite mascot is back
Tennessee Gov. Bill Haslam wants to extend CHIP! Which stands for Children’s Health Insurance Program! Which insures low-income kids, on the theory that even poor kids should be able to see a doctor when they are sick! Wait, what? We thought Tennessee was against Insuring the Poor. Haslam declined Medicaid expansion for Tennessee in 2012, saying crazy things such as: Read more on Tennessee To Be Next State To Insure More Kids, Despite Dastardly Obama…
  Bill Nye Vs. Stupid Part XLVIII

Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children

Bill Nye (right) talks to A Idiot (left)
We sure like us some Bill Nye. Following up on his February “debate” at the Creation museum, in which he handily took apart the bad science behind that institution, Nye has a book out, Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation. Which is why he braved the dungeon of derp that is Newsmax TV to explain why creationism is simply not good for kids. What it mostly comes down to, of course, is that creationism is bad science — or not science at all, which is the worst science — and that pushing it on kids for the sake of keeping fundamentalist parents happy will have long-term consequences for kids’ ability to function in a world where reality is valued. Read more on Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rand Paul’s Kentucky Fried 2016 Ballot Dilemma (Video)

That is one beautiful graphic, too
Here’s a weird thing that Rachel Maddow noted as part of her wrap-up of post-election silver linings the other day: Due to a Kentucky law prohibiting candidates from appearing on the same ballot for two offices, Rand Paul can’t run for both President of the USA and for re-election to the Senate. Dude’s awfully pumped to run for Preznit, but he also knows in his heart that he’s never going to be Preznit, and so he’d really like to run to keep his current job in the Senate. Kentucky Republicans had hoped to take the state House so they could just change the law and help Aqua Buddha out, but the voters were not at all compliant, and the House remains stubbornly Democratic. (Don’t they realize this was a wave election, and they are required to stand down for the new Permanent Republican Majority? Apparently not.) Read more on Morning Maddow: Rand Paul’s Kentucky Fried 2016 Ballot Dilemma (Video)…