We didn’t really bother writing about the case of Bill Sparkman, the brutally murdered census worker in Kentucky who was found with “FED” carved into his chest, because the narrative was too boring and predictable: liberals would immediately type about how this murder was yet again the fault of Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly for the way they talk on television; conservatives would respond with something even more ludicrous, like “the killer was actually a liberal who loves public options” or “the guy was killed for being a child predator, a.k.a. a liberal, so it’s fine;” and Wonkette would finally chime in to make fun of the funniest conservative claim. Well here we are at part three! Let’s actualize it: Ha ha, conservative blogger Dan Riehl DOESN’T WANT TO MAKE ANY CONCLUSIONS, and doesn’t have any facts, but hey, maybe Bill Sparkman fucked kids constantly and this was just a retaliation? It could be true or it could be not true! MORE »

• MEANWHILE IN EX-KENTUCKY STATE LEGISLATOR NEWS: “State police have charged former Kentucky GOP lawmaker Steve Nunn with violating a protective order after his former girlfriend was found shot to death in downtown Lexington.” So… Nunn/Santelli ‘12? [AP]

Paultards were so sad when their Hobbit-King, Ron Paul, finally quit running for President sometime earlier this year. They had nobody to whom they could send their precious money-bombs of Liberty! Fortunately, his son — Ayn “Rand” Paul — is running for Senate in Kentucky, and he raised many moneys yesterday in one of these bombing events. MORE »

• RAND PAUL GIVES THE PAULTARDS THEIR CUE: Watch out, Kentucky: “Rand is open to recycling other ideas, too. ‘We love the idea of the blimp,’ he tells us. ‘They can bring the blimp back, by all means.’” NOTED. [US News, Ron Paul Forums]

• ‘THE PRESIDENT IS A NAGGER.’ Hmm what could possibly go wrong with that statement , on an outdoor sign with easily changeable letters, in Kentucky? [WLWT-TV]

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Oh this sucks, for comedy reasons: Republican Sen. Jim Bunning of Kentucky, one of the dumbest and crankiest baseball pitchers in Congress today, has announced that he will NOT SEEK re-election in 2010! No one will donate any money to his campaign since they all hate him, Jim Bunning, the incumbent Republican Senator from a very very red state. What does this mean for your Wonkette? We have lost a brilliant campaigner, forever. [TPM]

Look everybody it’s Randall “Rand” Paul, who sounds exactly like his dad, and looks a fair amount like him too except with adorable curly hair! He has officially formed an exploratory committee to look into running for Jim Bunning’s Senate seat. (Bunning says he’s absolutely running for re-election, which means come on, he’s totally not running, which leaves this Republican seat open.) Dr. Paul has a handsome web site, and he’s already raised, what, nearly $14,000. He’s basically Barack Obama plus Ron Paul divided by Christopher Reeve’s Superman. [Rand Paul 2010]

We’ve already set aside several boxes of popcorn for one of 2010’s most anticipated comedy stories, when idiot Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning will make a fool of himself daily in the process of losing his Senate seat. And now the hilarity might start even sooner, because Ron Paul’s child, Rand (”The Son”), might primary Bunning. Rand Paul has the exact same views as his father, so it should take about two minutes of money supply babble before Bunning gets uncomfy and calls Rand a faggot. [CNN]

• SWEET SWEET BUNNING POLL PORN: Maybe this is why baseball player Jim Bunning started cursing at Jesus that time a reporter asked him about internal poll results: “Political Wire got an advance look at a new Public Policy Polling survey in Kentucky that shows Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) with a 28% favorable rating as he attempts to run for a third term. Bunning loses head-to-head match ups with all four Democrats considering a run against him.” [Political Wire]

Intrepid blog reporter David Weigel of the Washington Independent is so intent on getting himself murdered that he traveled all the way to Kentucky over the weekend for something called the “Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot.” You must check out all of his photos, here, but we simply want to note the mixed feelings these fellows have toward Nazis. Basically they love the Nazis, because they are Neo-Nazis, but they also hate the Nazis because Obama is a Nazi. MORE »

Mark your calendars for the year 2010 everyone, because there’s going to be at least one 2006-George-Allen-level comedic midterm race. Baseball pitcher Sen. Jim Bunning is running for reelection in Kentucky and will lose, loudly. Bunning resurfaced in the media recently for telling a pancreatic cancer-stricken Ruth Bader Ginsburg that she should go die alone, soon. Now Bunning has run into some local Kentucky trouble by snapping at some reporter who asked about his internal poll results, which wouldn’t be a problem in and of itself (MSM lies anyway etc etc) except that he used the word “goddamn,” which to Kentuckians is more appalling than raping 40 young children and a grandma. MORE »