The Senate, for those unfamiliar with the august body, is sort of like the US version of the House of Lords; and like the House of Lords it is populated with harelipped dauphins who make ribald jokes with each other between bouts of pleurisy, gout, and cavorting with fast women, such as each other’s spouses. After the jump: the Iowa Republican totally pwns the North Dakota Democrat, who is unable to pleasure his wife. MORE »

Former Wonkette guest editor Princess Sparkle Pony finally heard from Sen. Kent Conrad’s office about a year-old blog post.

The post in question pointed out that the North Dakota renegade* politician’s real first name is “Gaylord.”

Today, Conrad’s communications director finally responded to the shocking allegations. Experience the thrill of reading an official Senate letter that begins with “Hi Sparkle Pony,” after the jump.

MORE »

• Under The Dome: Sen. George Allen thought he had enough problems without The Hill blowing the lid off of this story: His middle name is Felix. Also, Sen. Kent Conrad’s real first name is Gaylord. Boy, it’s a slow week. [The Hill]
• The Transom: Sen. Hillary Clinton was shanghaied into awkward conversation by a kiss-seeking Donald Trump at a party last week, sending her aides into conniptions and her heart all a-flutter. [NYO]
• Names and Faces: A giggly, cigarette-wielding Jenna Bush painted the town stupid this weekend, hitting noted Washington non-hotspot The Bottom Line with some probably vapid friends. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: Shrill harpy Nora Ephron doesn’t personally know any Republicans or evangelical Christians — she just makes shitty, pandering movies for them. [WT]

* Disapproval of Bush could drive a rejection of Republican candidates in November. GOP pollster: “Democrats will have an easier time of getting out their vote because of their intense disapproval of the president. That means we Republicans are going to have to bring our ‘A’ turnout game in November.” [WP]
* Rumsfeld’s “grip on the Defense Department is slipping as some uniformed officers increasingly chart their own course.” [W$J]
* Republicans back Rumsfeld on Sunday talk shows. [NYT, USAT]
* 48 American troops have died in Iraq so far this month. [USAT]
* If Roe were overturned, 22 states are likely to “impose significant new restrictions on abortion.” [USAT]
* Josh Bolten officially takes office today; he gave Andy Card an Egg McMuffin on his way out. [USAT]
* Time magazine names Sens. Thad Cochran, Kent Conrad, Dick Durbin, Ted Kennedy, Jon Kyl, Carl Levin, Richard Lugar, John McCain, Olympia Snowe, and Arlen Specter as the nation’s best; Sens. Daniel Akaka, Wayne Allard, Jim Bunning, Conrad Burns, and Mark Dayton considered the worst. [Time]
* Immigration rallies “have also energized those who support a crackdown on illegal immigration.” [NYT]
* Can Rep. Tom DeLay be a lobbyist next? [WP]
* Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) brings sadness to Washington state in an effort to take down Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Wash.). [WP]
* Supreme Court justices spark laughter just from speaking funny. [USAT]

* Under the Dome: Reuters will compete with Bloomberg for the hottest White House Correspondents’ Association after-party; theirs will be held at Kstreet. . . Tim Russert, David Gregory, and Sen. Kent Conrad attended the Nationals’ home opener. . . Harper’s taps the Los Angeles Times’ Ken Silverstein as its Washington editor. . . Fred Thompson endorses Sen. Chafee. [The Hill]
* Reliable Source: James Carville, Mary Matalin, Tony Williams, and Eleanor Holmes Norton were also on deck for the Nationals’ opener. . . Steve Carell was in town filming scenes for the sequel of “Bruce Almighty”. . . Jack Valenti is working on his memoirs. [WP]
* Page Six: New documentary aims to take Giuliani down a notch. [NYP]