Fear not, patient wingnuts! SARAH PALIN knows what it feels like to wait and wait and wait and wait for a celebrity JOHN HANCOCK. She knows what it’s like to practically die from hypothermia and disappointment. Yes, she has suffered just as you have: During the carefree ’90s — pre-9/11 Alaska, when Alaskans still felt safe — Sarah Palin stood in the freezing Anchorage cold for seven hours in hopes of procuring an autographed bottle of IVANA TRUMP PERFUME. And that was the fateful day Sarah realized not even Ivana’s magical flower-scented elixirs could mask the putrid odor of moose semen …. MORE »

Hoochiemama! Teenage cumsicle LEVI JOHNSTON shan’t be accepting the generous Turkey Day invitation from SARAH PALIN, who selflessly offered her home to Levi on national teevee! “You could tell by her laugh she was full of it,” explained Levi. And by “it,” Levi meant “a deep-seated desire to punch me, Levi Johnston, in the dick.” Stay away from Levi’s junk, Sarah! It is his livelihood … MORE »

• White House strategists believe the midterm elections offer Bush an opportunity to “rewrite” and “recover” his presidency. Republicans plan to focus on immigration, tax cuts, and homeland security and will “frame the election as a contest with Democrats, confident that voters unhappy with the president will find the opposition even more distasteful.” [WP]
• The GOP is seeing losses “in morale, in fundraising and in early election contests.” [LAT]
• Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) was caught on tape accepting $100,000 from an investor-turned-informant. [WP, NYT]
• Alberto Gonzales says the government can legally prosecute journalists for publishing classified information. [NYT, WP]
• Patrick Fitzgerald is trying to prove that Scooter Libby lied based on his knowledge of Valerie Plame’s classified status. [WP]
• Laura Bush is “leveraging her popularity” to boost Republican candidates where her husband can’t. [USAT]
• Senators expect immigration compromise this year. [LAT]

MORE »

Washingtonians enjoy watching basketball, especially given George Mason’s recent success. But they also enjoy playing it. A reader offers this report about last night’s Congressional Basketball Game: MORE »