Tag Archives: kendrick meek

  really would rather believe nothing

Charlie Crist Having Trouble Figuring Out What His Health Care Position Is

It is difficult, sometimes, to remember what your beliefs are when you have shifted many of them in a ploy to grab up some of the middle ground of the electorate. And thus in the same day we have Charlie Crist saying he would have voted for health care reform, we have Charlie Crist saying he would have voted against health care reform. “This debate must not be about political posturing; it must be about protecting the people of Florida and America, and I intend to do that hard work when I get to the United States Senate,” he said. That’s funny, because political posturing is exactly what he was doing. Except now Charlie Crist is against political posturing, so please forget that he was previously for it. Read more on Charlie Crist Having Trouble Figuring Out What His Health Care Position Is…
  primary time again!

Liveblogging Florida & Arizona, the Sun Cancer States!

Ha ha, so a couple of your Wonkette contributors were jabbering all day about doing liveblogging, and your editor said okay great but don’t kill yourselves because these “couple of primary/runoff things somewhere” do not exactly leave the nation or even the Wonkette Readership spellbound. And then of course nobody showed up to liveblog at all, because it takes very little to discourage America’s generation of underemployed English graduates. So join us for a few hours of very leisurely liveblogging as results trickle in like fat drops of Ambien-laden urine trickling down John McCain’s slacks. Read more on Liveblogging Florida & Arizona, the Sun Cancer States!…
  it's morning in america

Is This The End Of Walnuts? Eh, Probably Not

What are the fun primaries Americans are going to be forced to vote in, today? In Arizona, Walnuts McCain, having dispensed with his few remaining principles, will almost certainly obliterate huckster infomercial man J.D. Hayworth. In Alaska, the Senate primary fight between Lisa Murkowski and Todd Palin’s snowmobiling buddy is secretly a proxy battle between Sarah Palin and the ghost of Ted Stevens. In Florida, Kendrick Meek will have to defeat a vulgar billionaire for the Democratic nomination to prove that he’s worthy to be Senator from a vulgar, bankrupt state. Also, people are voting in Vermont and Oklahoma, for some reason. Read more on Is This The End Of Walnuts? Eh, Probably Not… Read more on Is This The End Of Walnuts? Eh, Probably Not…
  georgetown basketball greats

Old Jews Will Make Billionaire Jeff Greene Your New Florida Senator

Florida Democratic Senate candidate Jeff Greene has landed himself a lengthy profile in the scummy Weigel-less Washington Post today. Who is Jeff Greene? He is not, as far as we can tell, related to Alvin Greene. But he’s best friends with Mike Tyson, he’s sworn enemies with Ron Howard, and he has a good shot at winning the Democratic nominate for U.S. Senate in Florida because the old Jewish retirees have too much time on their hands to just elect a competent and black Congressman like Kendrick Meek. Read more on Old Jews Will Make Billionaire Jeff Greene Your New Florida Senator…
  and marco rubio has his own foreclosure!

Florida Loves Charlie Crist’s Sexy New Independent Spirit

America’s favorite recently-married orange Floridian, Governor Charlie Crist, had to quit the Republican Party because the teabaggers didn’t want him to be the new U.S. senator. Why do teabaggers hate Republicans so much? Doesn’t matter! Charlie now has a healthy lead in the three-way or four-way race for Senate, while dumb wingnut Marco Rubio is currently 11 points down and Democrat Rep. Kendrick Meek has dropped way down to third place but is at least ahead of gross gazillionaire Jeff Greene — the Democratic nomination won’t be settled until August 24, and Greene may well buy the race for himself, and then he can celebrate with his special friends Heidi Fleiss and Mike Tyson (both of whom are on Florida’s currency and/or license plate.) Read more on Florida Loves Charlie Crist’s Sexy New Independent Spirit…
  meet your candidates

Strange Market-Shorting Billionaire Monster Would Also Like To Be Florida’s Senator

Just as the months-long war between Charlie Crist and Marco Rubio is ending and a three-way battle along with Democratic Rep. Kendrick Meek is finally ready to take the political spotlight in Florida, some nutter ex-Republican billionaire who made his fortune betting against the housing market has decided that he would like to purchase the Democratic nomination after all, to screw up everything. Who is this slurring tropical money dragon, this Jeff Greene, who wants to spend all of his economy-destroying fortune on Florida’s junior Senate seat? And why is he so gay for Mike Tyson, anyway? Read more on Strange Market-Shorting Billionaire Monster Would Also Like To Be Florida’s Senator…
  how was he not executed?

Dick Cheney Endorses Marco Rubio, Grunts At Charlie Crist

Proving once again that Dick Cheney only likes gay people if their last name is “Cheney,” the evil heart monster emerged from his Northern Virginia abattoir today to endorse Floridian wingnut Marco Rubio’s Senate primary run against Republican Charlie Crist. The Rubio-Teabagger campaign released a statement from Cheney calling Crist — again, the Republican governor of Florida — a common Barack Obama supporter. “Lately it seems Charlie Crist cannot be trusted even to remain a Republican,” Cheney grunted. “I strongly urge him to either stay in the Republican primary or drop out of the race.” Read more on Dick Cheney Endorses Marco Rubio, Grunts At Charlie Crist…
  wagg the bog

Sarah Palin Smells Like Taint, and Barack Obama Lets Turkeys Win

Fear not, patient wingnuts! SARAH PALIN knows what it feels like to wait and wait and wait and wait for a celebrity JOHN HANCOCK. She knows what it’s like to practically die from hypothermia and disappointment. Yes, she has suffered just as you have: During the carefree ’90s — pre-9/11 Alaska, when Alaskans still felt safe — Sarah Palin stood in the freezing Anchorage cold for seven hours in hopes of procuring an autographed bottle of IVANA TRUMP PERFUME. And that was the fateful day Sarah realized not even Ivana’s magical flower-scented elixirs could mask the putrid odor of moose semen …. Read more on Sarah Palin Smells Like Taint, and Barack Obama Lets Turkeys Win…
  wagg the bog

Mark Foley Misses The Good Life, And Levi Johnston Fears Sarah’s Evil Cackle

Hoochiemama! Teenage cumsicle LEVI JOHNSTON shan’t be accepting the generous Turkey Day invitation from SARAH PALIN, who selflessly offered her home to Levi on national teevee! “You could tell by her laugh she was full of it,” explained Levi. And by “it,” Levi meant “a deep-seated desire to punch me, Levi Johnston, in the dick.” Stay away from Levi’s junk, Sarah! It is his livelihood … Read more on Mark Foley Misses The Good Life, And Levi Johnston Fears Sarah’s Evil Cackle…
 

Daily Briefing: Al Gore, Hot or Not?

White House strategists believe the midterm elections offer Bush an opportunity to “rewrite” and “recover” his presidency. Republicans plan to focus on immigration, tax cuts, and homeland security and will “frame the election as a contest with Democrats, confident that voters unhappy with the president will find the opposition even more distasteful.” [WP] The GOP is seeing losses “in morale, in fundraising and in early election contests.” [LAT] Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) was caught on tape accepting $100,000 from an investor-turned-informant. [WP, NYT] Alberto Gonzales says the government can legally prosecute journalists for publishing classified information. [NYT, WP] Patrick Fitzgerald is trying to prove that Scooter Libby lied based on his knowledge of Valerie Plame‘s classified status. [WP] Laura Bush is “leveraging her popularity” to boost Republican candidates where her husband can’t. [USAT] Senators expect immigration compromise this year. [LAT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Al Gore, Hot or Not?…
 

Senator John Ensign: This White Man Can Jump

Washingtonians enjoy watching basketball, especially given George Mason’s recent success. But they also enjoy playing it. A reader offers this report about last night’s Congressional Basketball Game: I was at Gallaudet University tonight as the handler for the Washington Wizard’s mascot G-Wiz for the Congressional Basketball Game between the Dems and Republicans. Before the game, Senator John Ensign (R-NV) was alone on the court, practicing while many of the other players had not yet arrived. What I saw from this 48-year-old senator with salt & pepper hair was not what I expected. He was nailing three pointers from around the arc. At one point he hit 5 of 6 from NBA range. I was impressed but didn’t expect he would continue it during the game. Read more on Senator John Ensign: This White Man Can Jump…