A week ago today, we bitterly presented the World’s Worst Wonk’d. The “D.C. celebrity sightings” consisted of George Will buying another fucking book at Borders, and a fireman who had once been on local teevee. We demanded that you people get it together, and you got it together! Huzzah for Wonkette Operatives! This week, Fred Thompson, Robert Mueller, Tom Ridge, Juan Williams, Marion Barry, Ben Bernanke, Ken Mehlman, Robert Novak, Dana Milbank, Mark Warner, and David Frum were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. The most voyeuristic fun ever in Wonkette’s Five Long Years of History, after the jump. MORE »

This week, Barney Frank, Bob Allen, Ken Mehlman, Ben Stein, Maria Bartiromo and Robert Novak were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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A little going-away party was held for Ken Mehlman on the roof of Charlie Palmer’s last Tuesday. Liz Glover and Liz Gorman crashed it. Glover’s video is above, Gorman’s pictures are here.

Ken Mehlman Reception Gallery

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This week Rudy Giuliani proves there’s nothing more American than baseball and S&M while Valerie Plame and Kiefer Sutherland blow their covers, and Tucker Carlson just blows. Plus Joe Scarborough, James Carville and everyone’s favorite tequila slurping laborer.

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It’s a fey and foppish week in Wonk’d with John Kerry eating organic, Pat Buchanan feeling ladylike, Dennis Kucinich running down the dream, Christopher Hitchens, uh, drinking, and wittle Kenny Mehlman walking off his lunch. All these dandies, plus a whiff of the week’s biggest asshole’s asshole.

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* That he thinks announcing his candidacy on Letterman is edgy doesn’t even make a top-ten list of things that suck about John McCain. [WP, NYT]
* Fired US Attorney invents conspiracy theory to help him cope with failure. [WP, NYT]
* Barry Hussein biographer writes 20,000 words in two weeks while political journalists doodle in their notebooks. [WSJ]
* FEC now dropping fines like it was the FCC. [NYT]
* Ken Mehlman charges corporate clients hefty sums to make sure they can keep making shit-tons. [WSJ]
* Congressional Republicans continue their long tradition of trying to hold down people of color by getting petty with William Jefferson’s committee appointment. What’s he ever done? [WP]
* Democrats find a nerd-king in their ranks, let him budget things to his heart’s content. [WP]
* Fill yourself with nostalgia for the age of the classic American liberal dandy. [WP, NYT, LAT]

* Heard on the Hill: Rahm Emanuel puts Ken Mehlman in a “mini-bear hug,” asks what he’s doing next, says, “Banking, Ken, that’s where the money is” … Surprise entertainment at the exclusive RIAA holiday party? The Barenaked Ladies. Ok, we’re linking to so many pirated mp3s in protest now… “A revised floor schedule for Wednesday was sent out advising, “H.R. 6136 — Margaret Thatcher Congressional Gold Medal Act HAS BEEN PULLED.” Thank christ for Barny Frank. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Because they live in Virginia, Mary Cheney’s partner Heather Poe will have no legal guardianship over their baby and won’t be allowed to adopt it unless they move to Maryland. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Official Congressional Gym very crowded these days, Democrats out of shape… Nancy Pelosi was 45 minutes late to a press briefing, more Democrats even later the next day. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Nancy Pelosi/Barbara Walters interview in the Capitol forces GOP staffers to wait until they pass before finishing cleaning out their bosses’ office… Santorum’s website slightly more gracious than his last speech… “Phil Olsen, the captain for Team USA in the World Beard and Moustache Championships, says [John] Bolton is welcome to a spot on the team.” [The Hill]
* Page Six: Just pure insanity re. Lindsay Lohan and Al Gore. It’s sad and crazy and makes us uncomfortable. [NYP]

* Iraq Study Group to recommend removal of virtually all combat troops by early 2008, if circumstances permit, everyone feels like it, etc. President Bush denies. [WP, NYT]
* Ken Mehlman addresses Republican Governors Annual Meeting/cry-fest, tells them to get busy getting more conservative and come up with some new policy ideas. [WP]
* Never-been-a-Governor John McCain was there too, stealing Mitt Romney’s ‘08 thunder and plying the guv’nahs with booze. [NYT]
* Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack is the first to actually declare for 2008. [WP, NYT]
* But it’s no biggie as Democratic candidates for 2008 are beginning to appear in droves. [WSJ]
* National Institute of Standards and Technology says paperless electronic voting machines, “cannot be made secure.” [WP]
* White House considers abandoning outreach programs to Iraqi Sunnis, which basically everyone else thinks is a terrible idea. [WP]
* TSA to begin using x-ray photo machines that have been called “a virtual strip search.” [USAT]
* Does CSI imitate Russian assassins or do they imitate it? [USAT]

These aren’t exactly a secret, as they’ve been repeated on the political talk shows and cable news for a whole week now, but it’s nice to see everybody following orders so well.

Learn why the election had nothing to do with corrupt mistress-strangling page-humping Republicans and everything to do with the ongoing success of the GOP, after the jump.

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We were momentarily intrigued by this ridiculous scenario suggested by a Wonkette op:

If Ken Mehlman (as CNN reports) is being replaced by Mel Martinez, does that mean Charlie Crist will appoint Katherine Harris to fill his Senate seat? Too good to be true?

Tragically, it’s too good to be true. We’ve just learned that Martinez will bring the Republican Party back to the 14th Century while simultaneously serving Florida as a corrupt bat-shit-crazy senator. MORE »

Mel Martinez will be the new chair of the Republican National Committee, according to the teevee. MORE »