Tag Archives: ken layne

  beloved traditions

Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business

The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave! So enjoy this re-post of this Holiday Favorite from 2009: Read more on Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business…
  in which wonkette saved the country from moral weakness

Ken Layne And Wonkette Helped Rescue The Country From Doddering Crab King John McCain

It was seven unlucky years ago when a handsome young man named Alex Pareene typed to me on G-chat with a sex proposition: “Save me from guest editor hell,” he said. Pareene, an NYU film school dropout who had recently taken over the politics blog Wonkette from its founding editor Ana Marie Cox, now needed to replace his co-editor. We both worked for Gawker Media. (I’m working there again, now, for the third or fourth time.) My old site, SPLOID, had just been shut down because it did not make any money. (This is a theme that will repeat. SPLOID, in fact, was a copy of my old pre-Gawker site Tabloid.net, which also shut down because it did not make any money. And how many parenthetical asides can a person put in one paragraph, a paragraph that is traditionally supposed to be the “nut graf” that include enough relevant backstory to keep someone reading?) Alex lived in D.C. I lived in … Northern Nevada, yes. Our geographic distance was not an issue, because even if we were neighbors, we are the kind of people who would prefer to stay home and type to each other in little G-chat windows. Wonkette was a little different then. For one thing, we didn’t have bylines. Nobody knew who wrote what, and the site’s strangely antiquated use of the Royal We grew from this mystery. We didn’t have comments, either. Read more on Ken Layne And Wonkette Helped Rescue The Country From Doddering Crab King John McCain…
  the state of the mommyblog is strong

What Do You Get Your Mommyblog For Your Tenth Anniversary? A Brief History Of The Last Year And Change At Your Wonkette

Hello bitchez! Do you know what today is? It is the tenth anniversary of your Wonkette. (Actually, tomorrow is the tenth anniversary of your Wonkette, but tomorrow is Saturday and you will be drunk.) We know this because we tweeted at Ana Marie Cox and asked her “oh hey, do you happen to know when the tenth anniversary of Wonkette is?” and she told us. And you say we’re not real journalists. What were you doing 10 years ago? We were working at some fucking “newspaper” and being full of Sad that nobody had asked us to be the founding editor of Gawker’s awesome new “politics” blog, “Wonkette,” which is not even a word. We had a political “blog”! (It was just on paper.) We made dick jokes in it! And here was this lady, Ana Marie Cox, doing what should have been our job and becoming Amerikkka’s No. One Favorite Forever Crass Broad, and all we could do was sit at our cube, looking through our magic picture box at somebody three thousand miles away typing dick jokes on the Internet, and a dozen or more times a day hit “refresh.” Today we will bring you many Reminisces from Wonkettes and Wonkers past and present. Which ones? Definitely Sara Benincasa and Ken Layne, because they wrote theirs already. Maybe some others! We do not know! A whole bunch of people said “oh yeah sure I will write you a thing,” but we do not know how “reliable” they are. Probably not reliable at all! Ana Marie Cox will not be writing us anything, because she is writing about what it was like to found yr Wonket over at The Guardian? o_O No no, Ana Marie, it’s cool. We’re not gonna #WAR you. OR ARE WE??? (Yes, of course we are.) Read more on What Do You Get Your Mommyblog For Your Tenth Anniversary? A Brief History Of The Last Year And Change At Your Wonkette…
  first lady recipes

Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake

Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor. Read more on Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake…
  nevar forget

Ken Layne Interviews The Devil About 9/11, Stuff

Hmmm, well, here is a thing. It is Ken Layne, your deposed dictator, interviewing the Devil in the back of a San Francisco taxi, about 9/11 and religious wars and global warming … and you guys, you might not even have to reach for the cyanide pills. Read more on Ken Layne Interviews The Devil About 9/11, Stuff…
  first lady recipes

Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake

Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor. Read more on Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne’s Repost Of Juli Weiner’s Writeup Of Betty Ford’s Boozy Chocolate Cake…
  beloved traditions

Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business

The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave! Read more on Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business…
  hello I love you

Palace Coup At Your Wonkette

Weep, weep, Wonkette, for your fallen prince Ken Layne. Okay, that’s enough. Oh, I see I might have scared you, since there is apparently a surfeit of youngish people falling over dead these days. (Davy Jones, you were the girl that I knew somewhere!) No, no, Layne is fine. He is just old and tired and hates all of you, each, individually. And so I am here to bring some laughter and love to your marathon sessions sitting on your couch, “looking” for “work.” (Dope and Cheetos.) Read more on Palace Coup At Your Wonkette…
  important questions of our time

Where The Hell Is Ken Layne?

When Wonkette “editor” Ken Layne declared that he was going to drive to the site of the stolen Jesus Cross in California’s Mojave Desert yesterday, most of us assumed that this was his latest excuse to hitchhike to the nearest McDonald’s and drink a liter of vodka, as he does every afternoon. We still believe this. The Los Angeles Times, however, claims to have spotted the Layne Monster at the site of this Jesus Cross, looking like a nut. Let’s split the difference and just assume that he’s dead. [LA Times] Read more on Where The Hell Is Ken Layne?…
  the negro problem

WHEN HARRY MET NEGROES: “Republicans are very angry with Reid this week, and not just because he’s a powerful Democrat in Washington about to pass the thing Republicans hate more than Islam, which is affordable health care for Americans.” [Las Vegas Weekly] Read more on …
  rumors on the internets

Jim Inhofe Didn’t Even Read ‘Harry Potter,’ But He Still Hates Mudbloods

Ken Layne reviews Infinite Jest, or some other book. [Las Vegas Weekly] Honestly, there’s really no point in reading something you’ve already been paid to vote against. [Think Progess] Convicts need their stimulus checks just as much as the next guy. How else can they afford to have The Club™ surgically installed in their pooper? [RedState] Read more on Jim Inhofe Didn’t Even Read ‘Harry Potter,’ But He Still Hates Mudbloods…
  rumors on the internets

‘Woop-Woop! That’s the Sound of da Ayatollah!’

If you thought Marion Barry could dance, think again! Because Al Sharpton is nimble as a ballerina. [Michelle Malkin] With all its student loans and Mongolian hordes of credit card debt, California is having a hard time paying the bills! But that hasn’t stopped the California State Legislature from jerkin’ the gherkin and debating into the wee hours about COW TAILS and other issues concerning cow anatomy, like, for example, why they have tails and we don’t? Sounds like a job for a new ad-hoc committee! Oh dear, Arnold Schwarzenegger IST SEHR ANGRY. [Hit & Run] Read more on ‘Woop-Woop! That’s the Sound of da Ayatollah!’…
  steinbeck for dummies

HOBO KEN LAYNE TO WANDER BEACHES AND WRITE BOOK ABOUT CALIFORNIA: If the publishing industry isn’t officially dead yet, this is sure to kill it! At some point in 2010, HarperStudio will publish “a history of California’s culture, environment and politics framed by [Layne’s] bravely idiotic solo hike up the entire 1,000-mile coastline of America’s weirdest, most populous state.” It will sell like hotcakes, as long as he publishes under the moniker “Meg McCabe.” [New York Observer, HarperStudio] Read more on …
  epic moments on american screens

KEN LAYNE REMEMBERS OBAMA’S NOMINATION SPEECH: “For two long, ridiculous years, I had covered this campaign — if by ‘covered’ you mean ‘wrote stupid jokes about these terrible people, every day, for a Web site.’ Now was not the time to give up and watch history on a cheap wall monitor over a concession booth.” [New York Times Sunday Magazine] Read more on …
  angering the gods

HA HA HA: Silly Wonkette editor Ken Layne thought he could take a nice vacation from politics, completely unaware that he would be killed in hellish firestorms: “Just as my son and dog and I got back to the house, the power went out. It would flash on and off for the next hours, as hot white ash rained from the sky… Santa Ana gusts blew open the doors and windows. You couldn’t go outside without a wet towel clutched over your nose and mouth.” Blah blah blah, drama queen. [LAist] Read more on …
  jesus

WEEKETTE: Do not forsake your Weekette, which is a wonderful weekly collection of your Wonkette items, in the LA CITYBEAT newspaper. Also, oh lord, what is your editor doing now? [LA CITYBEAT] Read more on …
 

Hillary Forever: Liveblogging the Casino Caucus!

Here’s an idea as innovative as the Nevada Caucus “First In The West” itself: Invite the press, lock them in a terrible underground ballroom in a casino somewhere, and make sure there’s no sort of Internet or wireless or anything. Hooray! Anyway, that’s where your editor has been, and here’s the chilling semi-live-blogged account of this weird, weird process. Read more on Hillary Forever: Liveblogging the Casino Caucus!…
 

Goodbye and Good Riddance, Las Vegas (Until Saturday)

Horrible smog. Chewed-up desert. Wind storms. Endless vistas of foreclosed stucco boxes. For Sale signs and Payday Loan joints. Crushing unemployment. No water. Rampant crime, prostitution, drug addiction, gambling addiction — all squirming around the edges of a never-finished vulgar theme park that should be blown up and reassembled in Dubai, where it belongs. Read more on Goodbye and Good Riddance, Las Vegas (Until Saturday)…
 

Mitt Romney Has A Supporter In Nevada

During my sad tour of the endless half-abandoned Vegas “single family home developments,” I saw exactly ZERO political signs until this half-hearted falling-over Mitt Romney “lawn” sign. (It’s kind of stuck in some half-dead ground-cover plant surrounded by gravel. Las Vegas is about 42% stucco and 56% gravel. The rest of the city consists of cigarette butts and dried-up condoms.) Read more on Mitt Romney Has A Supporter In Nevada…
 

Hillary, John & Barry Put Vegas To Sleep

That was sure worth getting up before dawn and making a five-hour drive to Las Vegas! Thanks, Democrats. Our coverage for the night is just about over, but we’ll have much more Campaign Trail Fun all over Las Vegas on Wednesday, which is basically today. There will be events, and perhaps a rally of some kind! All in the cause of giving Americans a “safety valve” so they can “blow off steam” by voting for pretty much identical elitist candidates. Anyway, here’s a recap of Wonkette’s Tuesday in Nevada, plus more pictures, if you want them. Read more on Hillary, John & Barry Put Vegas To Sleep…