Tag Archives: kelly ayotte

  Uh ... thanks?

Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome

They sure love us
Senate Republicans are really concerned about making sure women have greater access to birth control. No, really, it is true! (No, really, it is not.) From the same party that has tried for years to defund Planned Parenthood, ban certain types of birth control that they think murder babies (because they are idiots who don’t understand what contraception is), and protect employers’ “right” to tell you what kind of medicine you can use on your ladyparts comes the latest clever attempt to make life harder for the ladies, but, you know, “for the ladies.” Read more on Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome…
  It's like equality but different

Republican Ladies Have Own Equal Pay Bill, Aren’t They Just The Cutest Things?

Stop saying Republicans don’t care about women! They do TOO care about women. Just because they keep trying to pass laws to restrict women’s health care, and just because they suffer from verbal diarrhea about rape, and just because they think women don’t deserve equal pay for equal work because they keep blocking the Paycheck Fairness Act because that’ll just lead to unfair lawsuits against employers and murder all the jobs — none of that means they do not heart the ladies so hard! Why look, they’re even promoting a new bill to prove it! Read more on Republican Ladies Have Own Equal Pay Bill, Aren’t They Just The Cutest Things?…
  The MOST SHOCKING STORY You'll Read Today

Top Staffer For Republican Senator Resigns In Ginormous Sexxytimes Scandal!

Fun's over, fellas
In what could be the most shocking political sex scandal of the day, or at least the midafternoon lull, a top aide to Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-New Hampshire) has resigned after being caught in a disappointingly embarrassing, sad prostitution sting. There weren’t even any real prostitutes, for heaven’s sake! David Wihby, which is a really fun name to say, was Ayotte’s state director in New Hampshire and also a member and vice chair of the Manchester School board; he got caught this weekend in what sounds like the lamest sting operation ever: Read more on Top Staffer For Republican Senator Resigns In Ginormous Sexxytimes Scandal!…
  This will definitely work

President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men

Here's one idea that will never work
Lindsey Graham, the senator from South Carolina, has always seemed content to be the third wheel, the sidekick, the woman behind behind the man. He was the weakest, most soft-spoken link in the ménage à trois that was John McCain and Joe Lieberman, until Joe was chased from office because even his own party of one, Connecticut for Lieberman, did not like him anymore. Lindsey got himself a slight promotion when newbie Sen. Kelly Ayotte was added to the team, but still, Lindsey’s usually been content to co-sign whatever John McCain says, to nod agreeably in the background, and only very rarely drag his southern charmed self onto the Sunday shows when John’s busy snarling at the kids to get off of one of his seven or eight or however many he has lawns. Read more on President Lindsey Graham Will Be Great For Rich White Men…
  October Derprise

Kelly Ayotte Thinks Obama Is A Pussy

OK, so that's sort of a smoking gun
New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayotte, who along with John McCain and Lindsey Graham is one of the Three Amigos who are the Tuffest Republicans On Defense, explains that while Barack Obama may be dropping a lot of bombs on ISIS in Iraq and Syria, he doesn’t really mean it because his motives aren’t pure enough or something. Mostly, she’s worried that Obama is only attacking ISIS in Iraq — at that country’s request — and launching airstrikes into Syria, a sovereign country that we aren’t actually at war with, because Obama wants to help Democrats win in the fall midterm elections. On Fox News Sunday, she said: Read more on Kelly Ayotte Thinks Obama Is A Pussy…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Tragedy Strikes Really Good Wine, Evolutionary Misfits, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Too soon, Napa?
At least it’s Friday! (Sorry, that was mean. Let’s try it again.) At least it’s — nah, screw it. It is Monday. We’ll just have to soldier on. Somehow. In case you missed it, there was a semi-decent-sized earthquake in California (or what we natives call “worth maybe looking up from your desk for a second”-sized). Yes, there was some damage to some buildings, and yes, there were some injuries to human people, and that is sort of sad, but here is the REAL tragedy: Read more on Tragedy Strikes Really Good Wine, Evolutionary Misfits, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  But THIS time it will work maybe except not

GOP Has New New NEW Plan To Woo The Ladies But For Reals This Time

Remember back in 2012 when Republicans were all, like, “Heyyyyyyyyyy ladies,” and the ladies were all, like, “Fuck you, assholes,” and did not vote for Republicans because they are Republicans and also assholes? (But we repeat ourselves.) So since it’s a day that ends in “y,” Republicans have a shinier newer plan to make the ladies like them. It’s basically like the eleventeen trillion other shiny new plans they’ve come up with since 2012 to make the ladies like them, and it’ll probably work just as well. As in, not at all. But give Republicans their due: Just because a shiny new plan doesn’t work the first time or the second time or the fortieth time — like repealing Obamacare, say, or preemptively impeaching President Hillary Clinton for that time she Benghazi’d freedom — doesn’t mean they’re just going to give up. Hell no, they are not cut-and-run defeatocrats. They are Republicans, and they will use their Republican sticktoitiveness to make a failed idea fail a THOUSAND times if they have to. So here’s the new plan: Read more on GOP Has New New NEW Plan To Woo The Ladies But For Reals This Time…
  nasty vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Should Have Found A More Racist Picture For That Story On Immigrants

Time for another plunge into the ol’ comments queue, and the good news is that we just got a new shipment of industrial-strength rubber gloves! Our first missive comes from wannabe art director “rogerinorlando,” whose name and location we will not release. Rogerinorlando was not pleased by DDM’s choice of graphics for a recent story on Kelly Ayotte’s proposal to offset the cost of unemployment benefits by raising taxes on immigrant families, since so many of them are rolling around in giant pots of very little money. To be specific, rogerinorlando was displeased that we’d used Dorothea Lange’s “Migrant Mother” photo, because that woman was a migrant, not an immigrant: Poor choice of a photo, one which doesn’t match your subject or thesis. That iconic farm woman shot from the ’30s doesn’t have anything to do with this particular debate. An Okie, a sharecropper, a Dust Bowl survivor, I forget the exact context. But there are plenty of loaded images you could have chosen that would have made your case and added the element of race to it. This was lazy. Damn straight, rogerinorlando. We will correct that right away. Say, you do know, don’t you, that the original photo is just propaganda anyway, right? Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Should Have Found A More Racist Picture For That Story On Immigrants…
  how do you say 'bootstraps' in spanish?

New Hampshire Senator Kelly Ayotte Bravely Calls For Higher Taxes… On Poor Immigrants

Buenos dias, wonkeros and wonkiritas. Are you tired of reading/hearing/tweeting about #BRIDGEGHAZI yet? Isn’t there some other outrageous news from petulant rightwing asshats that we can carp about for a while? Well, glad you asked! New Hampshire Senator and Tea Party favorite Kelly Ayotte has set her sights on screwing immigrants across the country. No, not in a ‘Kelly Does Manchester’ sort of way, but in the economic sucker-punch sort of way. Because that whole ‘the GOP needs to outreach to people who aren’t rich, old, and white’ thing is for suckers. To help offset the costs for extending unemployment benefits for 1.3 million people, Ayotte wants to RAISE TAXES! But not on everyone – just on immigrant families “that earn an average of $21,000 a year.” Seriously, we really have no idea why Romney won only 27% of the Latino vote in 2012…  Read more on New Hampshire Senator Kelly Ayotte Bravely Calls For Higher Taxes… On Poor Immigrants…
  20 percent will vote yes to hitler

Senators Who Voted Against Gun Background Checks Very Unpopular In Home States Now, How Weird

That is so weird, how when you vote against something that has a nearly 90 percent approval rating, all of a sudden no one likes you anymore! (Here is how hard it is to get 90 percent of the populace to agree on something, and our favorite statistic that we will still be using on our deathbed, 411 years from now: after the Bush v. Gore merde sandwich, California had a proposition that would mandate that every legally cast vote be counted. Twenty percent of Californians voted against it.) So anyway, everyone’s like, yay background checks! Let us make sure we are not selling semiautomatic weapons to Squeaky Fromme! And no matter how many times the NRA said idiot things about how ensuring that guns are only sold to law-abiding citizens discriminated against law-abiding citizens, hardly anybody fell for it! (Approval did drop to the 70s in a lot of states after the sustained yapfest about NOBUMMER FEMA CAMP BULLETS DUSCREMINASHUN, but still: 70s!) YAY AMERICA! And now Jeff Flake, Lisa Murkowski, Mark Begich, Rob Portman, and Dean Heller have seen their approval ratings fall into the — how you say — shitter. Oh, also What’shername, Where’s the Girl, also too, but she’s not in this poll. Read more on Senators Who Voted Against Gun Background Checks Very Unpopular In Home States Now, How Weird…
  thank you for being a friend

Young Fresh With-It Dude Mitch McConnell Delighted With His Hilarious Funny About Hillary Clinton, Aged Crone

It is time once again for CPAC, people tell us, which means the universe itself has stopped on its axis so that we all might gawk in wonder at the most important conclave to ever unite in snake-handling and griftiness. But lo! Who is that hip and happening groovy young man? It is Mitch McConnell, the leader of the minority party of one half of one branch of government! He is, therefore, the most Important Man in the World. And what is he talking about? Oh, just that Hillary Clinton is a strident old biddy more advanced in years than Methuselah and more boner-shrinking than Bea Arthur. This, of course, is not “news.” But what is news is the look on Mitch McConnell’s face after he delivers his “stinger.” Look at his delight with him! Look at his jowls lift in pleasure! Mitch McConnell likes Mitch McConnell a lot! Read more on Young Fresh With-It Dude Mitch McConnell Delighted With His Hilarious Funny About Hillary Clinton, Aged Crone…
  Still Not Watergate

Bitter Old Senators And Hot Young Thing Deeply Troubled By Americans’ Inexplicable Refusal To Freak Out Over Benghazi

Egad! Horrible lying liar Susan Rice and acting CIA Director Mike Morrell met with senators John McCain, Lindsey Graham, and new amiga Kelly Ayotte, and she scurrilously admitted that what she said on TV talk shows five days after the Benghazi attacks was factually incorrect because she didn’t have all the facts at the time she said that the attack was being investigated. McCain, Graham, and Ayotte immediately told reporters that the real scandal here is that when Rice went on TV, she said a thing that turned out not to be true, simply because the CIA had told her that thing, and instead of simply saying “we don’t know,” she said that they thought maybe it was one thing, but they were still looking into it. How dare she mislead the American people like that! No, really, that is the actual controversy, as near as we can figure out. Read more on Bitter Old Senators And Hot Young Thing Deeply Troubled By Americans’ Inexplicable Refusal To Freak Out Over Benghazi…
  the noob caucus

Dumb Republican Senators Thought Osama Corpse Photoshop Was Real

Considering the Obama administration has made it clear they have not and will not release any photos of Osama bin Laden’s corpse, most people would realize the fakes floating around the Internet, which are not even Photoshopped all that well, are not real. Republican Senators Saxby Chambliss, Kelly Ayotte, and Scott Brown, however, saw these on somebody’s LiveJournal or whatever and decided they had been privileged with seeing classified photos. “The head area, obviously, he had been wounded. I can’t describe it –- give any better description than that,” Ayotte said, pretending she was important enough to be given access to the bin Laden pixx but wasn’t really allowed to discuss them. These senators apparently forgot the Internet is not just available to them. Read more on Dumb Republican Senators Thought Osama Corpse Photoshop Was Real…
  quitters never win anyway

DSCC Does Not Care For ‘Quitters,’ If They Are Republicans

Ugh this DSCC ad has about a million problems with it. Number one, only one of these people is a “quitter” in the sense of “throwing a weird hissy fit in front of a flock of honking geese and leaving one’s job for no discernible purpose.” Read more on DSCC Does Not Care For ‘Quitters,’ If They Are Republicans…