Tag: kelly ayotte

Trump’s Supreme Court Pick Says Trump Being A Real Dick To That One Judge

Is Neil Gorsuch trying to get his nomination withdrawn?

Let’s Play The Blame Game! Your Wonkagenda: Thursday, November 10, 2016

Non-white women invade the Senate, educators try to comfort kids, and more reasons to hate Gary Johnson and Jill Stein. Your morning news brief!
Everyone uses this pic eventually

Your Senate Sunday Is FREE AT LAST!

Let's take one last look at some of the top Senate races, for America!
Something about this guy inspires great Photoshops. Perpetrator unknown.

Trump Vows Vengeance On Mortal Enemies Paul Ryan, John McCain, Kelly Ayotte, That One Crying Baby

Donald Trump demonstrated his leadership of the Republican party by telling three senior Republicans seeking reelection that they were dead to him, you hear me, DEAD.
This is really going awfully well for him, isn't it?

Parents Of Dumb Muslim War Hero Continue Doing Terrorism To Donald Trump

Donald Trump's idiot attacks on Khizr and Ghazala Khan, the parents of Army Capt. Humayun S.M. Khan, have of course continued, because as everyone knows, you are not allowed to ever criticize Donald Trump without being subjected to a...
He is an actual, biological tortoise. And NRA stooge.

Mitch McConnell Kills Nice Bipartisan Gun Bill, Because He’s Mitch McConnell

Mitch McConnell, faced with the risk of allowing a vote on a widely supported gun bill that the NRA didn't like, pulled a pretty neat switcheroo. Give the old coot credit for being crafty.

Senate Republicans Vote To Send Thoughts And Prayers To Future Mass Shooting Victims

What, you wanted background checks and stuff like that? Are you some kind of Communist?

Lindsey Graham Two Jameson Shots Away From Shrieking, ‘I’m With Her, Y’all!’

Lindsey Graham is APPALLED, we tell you, APPALLED, by Donald Trump's impolite racism!
NOPE!

Ted Cruz Just Wants To Help GOP Senate Buddies But They’re All Busy Washing Their Hair

Republican senators don't seem to want Ted Cruz's 'help' getting re-elected. Weird!

New Hampshire’s Kelly Ayotte And Maggie Hassan Gonna Lady-Fight For Senate Seat

Happy Easter, Wonkers! We hope you have all been inspired by the annual rites celebrating the rebirth of pagan fertility gods as distilled through Christian cultural hegemony. Or that you'll at least chow down on half-priced chocolate bunnies tomorrow....

Speaker Paul Ryan Damn Sure He’s The Only American Who Deserves Weekends

In case you were wondering how long it would take newly elected Speaker of the House Paul Ryan to remind everyone he's still a standard-issue Republican dick, the answer is: Haha, dummy, did it break your brain when you fell off...
Fancy ain't free

GOP Senator Says Moms Need More ‘Me’ Time, Votes Against That Ever Happening

New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-So You Already Know This Will Not End Well) is a real modern day have-it-all kind of lady. She has a job and children, if you can even imagine how hard that is, and...
There's no war on women. Maybe some casualties, but no war.

Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome

Senate Republicans are really concerned about making sure women have greater access to birth control. No, really, it is true! (No, really, it is not.) From the same party that has tried for years to defund Planned Parenthood, ban...

Republican Ladies Have Own Equal Pay Bill, Aren’t They Just The Cutest Things?

Stop saying Republicans don't care about women! They do TOO care about women. Just because they keep trying to pass laws to restrict women's health care, and just because they suffer from verbal diarrhea about rape, and just because...
Fun's over, fellas

Top Staffer For Republican Senator Resigns In Ginormous Sexxytimes Scandal!

In what could be the most shocking political sex scandal of the day, or at least the midafternoon lull, a top aide to Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-New Hampshire) has resigned after being caught in a disappointingly embarrassing, sad prostitution...
Our brave and noble Senate

Senate Almost Unanimously Pretends To Believe In Climate Change

Big news, everyone: The Senate did a thing! But wait, there's even bigger news than that. The Senate did a thing on climate change. Kind of. Sort of. In a way. A symbolic non-binding basically meaningless way. But still! Are...