Tag Archives: keith olbermann

  wastes of internet paper

Daily Caller Now Investigating Random Military Retirees for Seditious Keith Olbermann Fandom

Brace yourselves, guys. The crack team over at the Daily Caller has come out with a new, knuckle-cracking investigation that gets to the root of yet another broad liberal conspiracy: There is a guy on the internet, you see, who has… opinions. Oh, lord! Say it isn’t so! Say it’s a fabrication! No, I’m sorry. It’s true. Also, though, stupid. The subject of the 1,500-word expose is retired Lt. Col. Mike Russell, who is now a civilian Army employee cited in media reports as an Army neuropsychologist. That’s just by day though — by night … well, it’s pretty awful. Pretty terrible. Steady your toes, because they’re about to curl in horror. By night, Russell posts on a message board. Read more on Daily Caller Now Investigating Random Military Retirees for Seditious Keith Olbermann Fandom…
  history's greatest monster

Al Gore And Keith Olbermann Now In Battle Of Snaps, Yo Mama Jokes

What is this, unfolding before our delighted eyes? It is a SNAP. First Current TV totes fired Keith Olbermann for (ALLEGEDLY) being a glass-chucking work-shirking screamy freakout monster. Then Olbermann went on Letterman, called himself a “$10 million chandelier” (?) and sued Current and its execs for being “dilettantes” and playing make-believe, which are not really actionable offenses? (Your Editrix did not take contract law, so maybe they are! You will now please write three pages, single-spaced, in the comments, on when an individual has standing to sue someone for dilettantism and play-acting.) And now Al Gore has unleashed the BITCHY! Rrrowr! Read more on Al Gore And Keith Olbermann Now In Battle Of Snaps, Yo Mama Jokes…
  today on cable teevee

Al Gore Fires Keith Olbermann For Being Terrible

Sanctimonious screeching creep Keith Olbermann, whose ego isn’t the size of Jupiter but certainly is that of Jupiter’s largest moon, has been fired from his 757th job on television, for being horrible. Current TeeVee owner and other relatively liberal person Al Gore was the one who did the firing, in an explosive memo which arrived at the common conclusion that Keith Olbermann is someone with whom it’s impossible to work. His replacement — starting tonight — will be former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, last seen achieving the remarkable feat of being CNN’s most boring primetime host and, before that, constantly having sex with prostitutes. But but but, you will inevitably say in the comments because that’s what you always do on Olbermann posts, Keith Olbermann was the only thing that kept me sane during the Bush administration, with his unwatchable 10-minute fake rants where he pretended to be Ed Murrow! Never understood it; can’t offer you much help in that regard. Read more on Al Gore Fires Keith Olbermann For Being Terrible…
  math isn't fair

Keith Olbermann Is Angry (Of Course) At Glenn Beck’s Teevee Thing

Glenn Beck likes to be “relevant,” so he is probably thrilled that he won Keith Olbermann’s “Worst Persons” game yesterday. He did this by having his own teevee channel called “GBTV” which robs the old and paranoid of their retirement funds, through hypnosis and chalkboards, probably. We can’t say for sure because who would pay for such a thing? Keith Olbermann named Glenn Beck the Worst Person because of GBTV’s number of subscribers, except unfortunately, this number is higher than the number of people who watch Keith Olbermann shout at them, for free. Read more on Keith Olbermann Is Angry (Of Course) At Glenn Beck’s Teevee Thing…
  it's morning in america

Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?

Keith Olbermann is expected to announce his new teevee home base sometime today, and many teevee experts believe he will join Current TV, the “public affairs channel” that Al Gore invented to help spread liberal Sharia. And now that Keith isn’t oppressed by the MSNBC Corporate Yoke, he can finally tell the news the way it’s meant to be told: in the nude, as a CNN hologram. Will Keith’s teevee groupies follow him to this obscure television station? And how many Al Gore carbon credits does it cost to purchase an episode of Countdown with Naked Keith Olbermann, on Pay-Per-View? [NYT] Read more on Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?… Read more on Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?…
  always closing

MSNBC Considering Replacing Keith Olbermann With Sitcom Man

Now that MSNBC has said goodbye to its top draw, Keith Olbermann, the news network is looking to find a new marquee star for its growing brand, and sources tell me their ultimate wish list is topped by none other than ’30 Rock’ star Alec Baldwin. Read more on MSNBC Considering Replacing Keith Olbermann With Sitcom Man…
  friday news dump

Keith Olbermann Fired By MSNBC Or Something?

Keith Olbermann did his last MSNBC teevee show! It was a big deal, probably! Was he fired? Were there contract squabbles? How much of his thirty million dollars does he get to keep? Will it be enough, for whatever? All across America tonight (in New York and Washington and Los Angeles, mostly), people who carry dumb electronic mobile media devices “for work” have been looking down as little pop-up things and beeps and alerts tell of the exciting news: Keith Olbermann will no longer do a teevee show he has done for a while now, for this one cable station. Read more on Keith Olbermann Fired By MSNBC Or Something?…
  courting freedom

Julian Assange Out On Bail; Let’s Look At His Weird E-mails To a 19-Year-Old

Julian Assange has finally been released on bail, LADIEZ. Who wants to buy him some train tickets and condoms he may not use? All of you? Keith Olbermann? Yes. The man has a whole castle to himself, one full of rustic objects with which to hold you down, if that is your sort of thing. Meanwhile, Gawker has published some e-mails an Australian woman received from Julian Assange in 2004, when she was 19 and he was already a white-haired weirdo. (Gawker paid her in pure, uncut Vegemite, probably.) “There was something unusual about our interaction,” he wrote in one. “It is almost as if I had scripted it and left my fingerprints in the ink.” Transparently hott! Read more on Julian Assange Out On Bail; Let’s Look At His Weird E-mails To a 19-Year-Old…
  historic battles

Bristol Palin Throws Thesaurus At Keith Olbermann

Bristol Palin went on official Palin family blog “The Facebook” today to attack Keith Olbermann and rouse the pity of the conservative faithful, just as her mother would. Touching. Instead of using the standard teenager speak she and her sister usually employ on Facebook, however, she translated her message to Olbermann with some interesting selections from a thesaurus. “Accusing me of hypocrisy is by now, an old canard. What Mr. Olbermann lacks in originality he makes up for with insincere incredulity.” We have no idea what this means, but everyone run to Bristol’s aid, because this tiny dancer has been SLIGHTED by a BIG TEEVEE MAN. Read more on Bristol Palin Throws Thesaurus At Keith Olbermann…
  wonkette's weekly review of the week that was

Remembering Our Fallen Week: Derision Points

The fake-pearl wearing former-FLOTUS, Barbara Bush, likes to can her fetuses. Screeching moonbat Keith Olbermann got suspended from his show because he  refused to apologize for being a screeching moonbat. The American wet-noodle party has yet to decide how often they will tongue-bathe John Boehner’s anus. Read more on Remembering Our Fallen Week: Derision Points…
  soiling prankdom

Tucker Carlson Likes To Send Out Fake E-mails As Keith Olbermann

As we all know, Tucker Carlson owns keitholbermann.com, because Tucker Carlson likes to pretend he’s still a teevee pundit when he’s not pretending he’s a poor-man’s Dan Abrams, who’s a poor-man’s Nick Denton. What you may not know is that Tucker has set up an e-mail account, keith@keitholbermann.com, at this URL, so that Tucker can send out long messages to small-time local news reporters to try to trick them into thinking Keith Olbermann is chatting with them. Cool! Wait until the kids at the playground hear about this funny goof their friend Tucker is playing on the media! Read more on Tucker Carlson Likes To Send Out Fake E-mails As Keith Olbermann…
  dick trickle

Olbermann Was Suspended For Not Apologizing For Being Olbermann

Keith Olbermann is just the sort of guy who would break a network rule against making campaign contributions, and he’s also the sort of guy who would refuse to go on air to apologize to his viewers for such a thing, and apparently this is why his primetime MSNBC show is now an hour-long presentation of Al Roker bloopers hosted by the “dun-dun” sound effect from Law and Order. There still hasn’t been word from the network on when, or if, Olbermann’s suspension will expire, but there is a serious lesson here people like Olbermann have to learn: Only giant corporations like General Electric are allowed to influence elections with campaign contributions, not their employees. Read more on Olbermann Was Suspended For Not Apologizing For Being Olbermann…
  barry can you hear me?

Obama Is Just Fine With the Election Results, Okay?

Barack Obama had a Very Tough Week, in that he was still the president and the first black chief executive of these United States and a hero to millions around the world and brilliant and handsome and also, fuck you, he gave you health insurance and saved your stupid auto industry. But whatevs, people in Congress lost or won things, so I guess that means he is finished. It is with a heavy heart and a throbbing girlboner that I turn your attention to Barry’s recent scamperings with this week’s West Wing Week! Huzzah. Read more on Obama Is Just Fine With the Election Results, Okay?…
  non-ed schultz news

Keith Olbermann Suspended Without Pay For Paying Democrats

Earlier this morning, Washington Post tribute site Politico reported that teevee’s Keith Olbermann, who works for news channel MSNBC, donated money to three Democratic candidates just four days before the elections on Tuesday. This is something many Americans do, but it is not something MSNBC Americans can do, because it appeared to be a violation of NBC’s news ethics policies. And it seems it is a violation, because the network has suspended Olbermann without pay today. Olbermann will now curse out MSNBC for being evil, mug exasperatedly for a non-existent camera, leave his office, and call up Joe Buck for some therapeutic World Series broadcast criticism. Meanwhile, Fox News and its personalities probably didn’t donate enough to Republicans. Read more on Keith Olbermann Suspended Without Pay For Paying Democrats…
  tv on the internent

KGB Interrogator Cannot Break Your Wonkette Correspondent

Alyona Minkovski, a a Putin-recruited spy who does some kind of show for a Russian cable channel that is also on cable in America, maybe, has carefully studied all of Wonkette’s writers and deemed Sara Benincasa the “telegenic one,” apparently, because after her first appearance she was invited back, to talk about News Corp.’s latest purchase. Then she was ambushed with a bunch of hard questions about rich women and their asses, and how men cheat on them all the time. See how she did Wonkette proud, after the jump! Read more on KGB Interrogator Cannot Break Your Wonkette Correspondent…
  i love it when a plan comes together

Dave Weigel Takes MSNBC Job Like A Common Liberal

Once upon a time there was a young man with a dream: to subvert the dying “main-stream print media” from within by covering the fringes of the conservative movement while giving off the vague impression that he too was a conservative, even though he loves gays so much. Then, with a series of strategically placed emails to a secret mailing list for cool kids, he became such a focus of controversy that he was forced to resign from Kaplan Test Prep And Washington-Area Journalism LLC, which catapulted him to the destination he was aiming at all along: a job at MSNBC, the pinko teevee networks for communists. Read more on Dave Weigel Takes MSNBC Job Like A Common Liberal…
  this means war

Keith Olbermann So Sick of Daily Kos Commenters

MSNBC host Keith Olbermann is sick and tired of you libtards complaining about him on the DailyKos. So that’s it, no more Keith Olbermann blog posts on the Daily Kos … unless you people start behaving. You don’t have to behave really well, just make the site “the way it was even a year ago,” and then “let me know and I’ll be back.” Will it happen? Can it happen? More and more, it seems like every dream of the Obama Presidency is an oil-soaked dead pelican. [DailyKos] Read more on Keith Olbermann So Sick of Daily Kos Commenters…
  today in news

MSNBC Children Being Children Again Over One Segment No One Cared About

Here is a clip of a television person, Donny Deutsch, denouncing anger in the media — an annoying and persistent story that, when brought up, is never met with a practical plan for shifting ratings incentives away from base-appealing anger. Parts of the segment, however, suggest that certain MSNBC stars may be part of this “angry cable news and radio talk show hosts” circle. Whoops! New York Times: “A weeklong anchoring stint on MSNBC by Donny Deutsch ended abruptly on Wednesday, and four people briefed on the decision said the cancellation stemmed from an unflattering mention of that channel’s No. 1 anchor, Keith Olbermann, a day earlier.” Hmm, wonder how Keith Olbermann will respond to this New York Times item… Read more on MSNBC Children Being Children Again Over One Segment No One Cared About…
  all cable television is poison

Keith Olbermann To Yell Without Interruption For Full Hour Tomorrow

For those of you who like terrible Keith Olbermann, because he was the “only television host to make you happy during the Bush Administration,” tomorrow’s your lucky night, according to this frightening press release: “NEW YORK – Oct. 6, 2009 – Tomorrow night on MSNBC’s ‘Countdown,’ Keith Olbermann will present a Special Comment for the full hour on the need for and meaning of health care reform in the United States. ‘Health Care Reform: The Fight Against Death’ will be a program-length Special Comment by Olbermann, in which he’ll propose group action by patients, and how patients can reclaim the debate over health care reform.” The patients’ group action will be to meet at someone’s house every night to watch Keith Olbermann. THE OUTRAGE! Read more on Keith Olbermann To Yell Without Interruption For Full Hour Tomorrow…