Tag Archives: keith ellison

  Also Did We Mention God? She's Big On God

In Surprising Farewell Address, Michele Bachmann Admits Liking Freedom, God

Here's the story, of a crazy lady, who was talking to a devil to her right ...
Michele Bachmann gave her farewell address to the House of Representatives Tuesday, and while we were worried that she might just stand up and announce that all her email should be forwarded to Shelly@CrazyEyes.com, she actually did deliver a thoroughly Bachmannian speech. It hits all the required notes: Freedom, In God We Trust, Why the House is the Best House, plus several extra helpings of God stuff just to be sure. Read more on In Surprising Farewell Address, Michele Bachmann Admits Liking Freedom, God…
  so long farewell

A Children’s Treasury Of ‘Normal Real Person’ Michele Bachmann

She's real something all right
Photo by Beth Ethier While watching soon-to-be-former-Rep. Michele Bachmann tell the Values Voter Summit Friday morning that she is a “normal real person,” the sense of just how great a source of comedy we are losing with her upcoming retirement really hit home. Is there even a reason for Wonkette to go on existing once old Crazy Eyes walks off the House floor for the final time and flies back to a life of hot dish suppers and plagues of foster children? We’re going to mention this to the Editrix if she ever surfaces from her long sex tour of the West Coast. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of ‘Normal Real Person’ Michele Bachmann…
  Postmodern Postmortem

Minnesota Scumbag Wins ‘Douchiest Robin Williams Tweets’

No respect
You may or may not remember the postmodern stylings of Minnesota Republican Chris Fields, who explained a couple of years ago, when he ran against Keith Ellison for Congress, that there’s just no way in hell that an ad picturing Ellison and condemning his reverse racism was actually calling Ellison a racist or anything. And then when they debated, Ellison very accurately called Fields a scumbag. Fields is now the Minnesota Republican Party’s deputy chair, and in an effort to get out the vote for today’s primary election, engaged in a bizarre Twitter war accusing people who were sad about Robin Williams’s death of somehow being hypocrites who want to hurt ordinary Americans. Or something. Read more on Minnesota Scumbag Wins ‘Douchiest Robin Williams Tweets’…
  media circus

Peggy Noonan Gets Her Feminist On. No, We’re Serious.

Did you watch This Week with George Stephanopoulos yesterday? Haha of course not. No big deal, because we have the clip that matters, where the roundtable discusses the ouster of Jill Abramson and we get to see Bill Kristol, nascent populist, and Peggy Noonan, budding socialist. Read more on Peggy Noonan Gets Her Feminist On. No, We’re Serious….
  spoiler alert

Obama Will Tyrannize America Tonight By Raising The Federal Contract Minimum Wage

You already know that we are hoping HARD for some State of the Union drama tonight, but we were figuring that it would come from Michelle throat-ramming America with gay sportsthugs. That’s a fine start, but we are your fucking base, Obama. Give us some red meat we can tear apart and devour and come up with a bloodstained toothy grin as right-wingers threaten to storm the barricades because socialism’s a-comin’ just like they always toldja. We should not have counted Obama out, because it looks like he is going to pound his executive order fascist hammer all over America’s face tonight by forcing America’s job creators to pay lazy takers with federal job contracts a higher minimum wage. President Barack Obama will announce during Tuesday night’s State of the Union address that he’s raising the minimum wage for workers under federal contracts to $10.10 per hour, an administration official told The Huffington Post. The new policy, to be instituted via executive order, may affect hundreds of thousands of workers whose jobs are supported by federal dollars. The move is designed in part to ratchet up pressure on Congress to pass legislation raising the minimum wage for all workers. The current federal minimum wage stands at $7.25 per hour, and hasn’t been raised since 2009, after the last of a series of increases signed into law by then-President George W. Bush. BOOM. Read more on Obama Will Tyrannize America Tonight By Raising The Federal Contract Minimum Wage…
  to get their fair share of abuse

8 Legislators Arrested Protesting For Immigration Reform, Conservatives Outraged First Amendment Not Shut Down Yet

Several thousand people marched on the National Mall yesterday to call for comprehensive immigration reform, and over 150 people were arrested when they blocked the street, including eight Democratic members of Congress, among them the awesome handsome Keith Ellison, pictured above. Conservatives on Twitter pondered the implications for national policy: Why was this protest allowed to happen when the government is shut down and Park Service Nazis are turning people away from national monuments? Read more on 8 Legislators Arrested Protesting For Immigration Reform, Conservatives Outraged First Amendment Not Shut Down Yet…
  Just Asking What No One Else Is Thinking

Fox Wingnuts Still Terrified of Scary ‘Very Dangerous’ Muslim in Congress Who Probably Hates America Because Muslim

Well, here is something totally unexpected: the moron quintet at Fox, The Five, is pretty sure thar be terrorists, or at least terrorist sympathizers, in Congress. And no, they’re not talking about Rep. Peter King, who is a bona fide terrorist sympathizer — but only for the white kind so it’s okay somehow, but shhh, let’s not talk about it, move along. Nope, Eric Bolling is on to Rep. Keith Ellison, who is a Democrat AND a Muslim, so, ipso facto and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, you know, wink wink: He’s also very dangerous. He’s kind of been like the Muslim apologist in Congress for a long time. He swore — he raised his right hand and took the oath of office on the Quran, if you remember, in 2007, Keith Ellison did. I think it’s time for profiling. Read more on Fox Wingnuts Still Terrified of Scary ‘Very Dangerous’ Muslim in Congress Who Probably Hates America Because Muslim…
  he knows he is lying because his lips are moving

Your Morning Nice-Time: Let’s All Watch Keith Ellison Yell At Sean Hannity!

Oh dear, whom is Democratic Congressman (and MOOSLIM NEVAR FORGET!!!1!) Keith Ellison calling a low-life scumbag today? None other than Scumbaggitty. Civility! To the fainting couch! Someone alert Jon Stewart, the tone has become Untoward! Above, you’ll find TalkingPointsMemo’s supercut of the interview, where right out the gate, with a delighted smile on his face, Ellison starts in with the Insults and the Gloves Slapped to Cheek. Next thing you know, he will be challenging him to a duel! Read more on Your Morning Nice-Time: Let’s All Watch Keith Ellison Yell At Sean Hannity!…
  science fact

Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison Correctly Calls Opponent ‘Scumbag’ In Totally Harmonious Debate

So here is this Chris Fields fellow, running against OH NOEZ A REVERSE RACIST MUSLIN TERRORIST, Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison, and apparently he is a “low-life scumbag.” We know this because Keith Ellison said so during their debate this morning, and he hasn’t lied to us yet! Chris Fields on the other hand, is sort of … postmodern, as seen in that thing we just linked to twice and will link to again. Chris Fields: “I just want to point your attention to a few things that are blatantly misrepresented.” City Pages: “In my post?” Fields: “Yes, in your post. I did not explicitly call Keith a reverse racist. I didn’t. I didn’t.” CP: “Ok, I’m looking at the ad right now, it says, ‘reverse racism.’ And there’s a picture of Keith Ellison next to it.” Fields: “Ok, it says two words. What about the rest of the words there? I mean, do they count? And I’m not trying to be confrontational here –” Oh there’s so much more! WE SUGGEST YOU READ IT. So anyway, today’s debate. Read more on Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison Correctly Calls Opponent ‘Scumbag’ In Totally Harmonious Debate…
  depends what the meaning of 'is' is

Keith Ellison Opponent Explains Elusive Nature Of ‘Facts’ And Quotes To Lucky Reporter

Have you ever wondered how people in the public eye feel when they are blatantly misrepresented by the media? Well, wonder no longer! They feel sad! You can see this in the following amazing transcript between Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison’s Republican opponent, Chris Fields, and lucky CityPages reporter Andy Mannix. Chris Fields: “I just want to point your attention to a few things that are blatantly misrepresented.” City Pages: “In my post?” Fields: “Yes, in your post. I did not explicitly call Keith a reverse racist. I didn’t. I didn’t.” CP: “Ok, I’m looking at the ad right now, it says, ‘reverse racism.’ And there’s a picture of Keith Ellison next to it.” Fields: “Ok, it says two words. What about the rest of the words there? I mean, do they count? And I’m not trying to be confrontational here –“ Reader, would it shock you to learn that Mr. Fields does in fact go on to be confrontational? US TOO! Read more on Keith Ellison Opponent Explains Elusive Nature Of ‘Facts’ And Quotes To Lucky Reporter…
  arabs under the bed

Congratulations, Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison, You Are Michele Bachmann’s Newest Muslim Terrorist!

Oh LOOK, Michelle Bachmann is being a little trooper, ignoring criticism from her own party, the Democratic party, and the reality-based community, to double down on crazy and accuse ANOTHER high-ranking political-type person of Muslim Brotherhood ties. Except she’s not really ACCUSING anyone, she’s just “asking questions,” that’s all. Just asking questions, no harm in asking a question, is there? And isn’t that nice, that she’s managing to persevere and soldier on in the fact of such adversity? Read more on Congratulations, Minnesota Congressman Keith Ellison, You Are Michele Bachmann’s Newest Muslim Terrorist!…
  oh ok got it

Fox ‘Person': Catholics Write Letters, Muslims Stab You With Letter Openers

Greg Gutfeld (Oh my god, Greg, what happened to you, besides too many Crunchwrap Supremes?) is a member of a strange five-person cult that appears on Fox News every day. He thinks he is funny. He used to edit men’s magazines. He used to look like this (fig. 1), of a time. In 2010, during the whole Ground Zero mosque debacle, Gutfeld proposed building a gay bar for Muslims next to the mosque in “an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.” Nice try (or rather, Hmm, we must acknowledge that you spoke those words), and/but vomit and WTF. Now, Greg tried to make his cult members laugh at Monday’s cult gathering by saying that the difference between Muslims and Catholics is that “Catholics write letters and Muslims stab you with letter openers.” Read more on Fox ‘Person': Catholics Write Letters, Muslims Stab You With Letter Openers…
  nonstories with rodents in them

Maryland Muslim Politician Worships a Rat!

Did you know that this is the summer of the mosque? So says important daily journalism product The Washington Post, because of a zoning debate in a city several hundred miles away from where the Post’s subscriber base is centered. Naturally, the best way for them to exploit this summer theme for massive readership was to find a local mosque, or, failing that, a local Muslim. Oooh, how about one who’s running for state office in the Maryland suburbs of D.C.? Exciting! Is it controversial? Is he feeling the hate, because of the mosque? Does he worship a rat? Quick answers: no, no, yes. Read more on Maryland Muslim Politician Worships a Rat!…
  internal threats

Will Rep. Keith Ellison 9/11 Robert Gibbs With Thomas Jefferson’s Koran?

Wingnuts such as then-Congressman Virgil Goode bravely tried to stop dangerous Minnesota Muslim Keith Ellison from becoming America’s first Islamic U.S. Representative back in 2007, but Ellison outflanked them by taking his oath on the actual Koran owned by debt-ridden slaveholder and teabagger hero Thomas Jefferson. Now, Congressman Ellison and his “religion of peace” have targeted Robert Gibbs. Ellison called for Gibbs’ resignation yesterday, but now he’s sort of vaguely backtracking while still not renouncing terrorism and the 9/11 mosque. Read more on Will Rep. Keith Ellison 9/11 Robert Gibbs With Thomas Jefferson’s Koran?…
  twice-elected united states congresswoman

Michele Bachmann Makes Up Thing About ‘Flying Imams’ Attending Muslim Congressman’s Party

HMM. Michele Bachmann’s got her name in the newspapers again! This happens very easily: go on the wingnut’s radio show, get asked “what’s the reaction” in Minnesota to the fact that the state has an “openly” Muslim congressman (Keith Ellison) who knows Muslim people (Barack Obama?), and argue that the liberal media is not concerned enough about this very obvious terrorism, what with the Flying Imams and stuff who probably all know Ellison from Muslim parties and Al Qaeda. Read more on Michele Bachmann Makes Up Thing About ‘Flying Imams’ Attending Muslim Congressman’s Party…
  islamic karma

Anti-Muslim Hero Rep. Virgil Goode Loses

Truly, Virgil Goode was our nation’s finest congressman, because only he stood up for America when a frightening Detroit Muslim, Keith Ellison, won a Minnesota congressional seat in 2006. See, Ellison was sworn in using Thomas Jefferson’s Koran, but Goode wanted to use it, for masturbation, because Goode represented Virginia’s 5th congressional district, which includes Jefferson’s beloved Monticello. Read more on Anti-Muslim Hero Rep. Virgil Goode Loses…
  that's not minnesota nice

Weirdos Armed With Stepstool & Spray Paint Attack Garages of Minnesota Politicians!

Well here’s a story, we suppose: Some nut in Minnesota spray-painted weird religious things on the garages belonging to Senators Norm Coleman and Amy Klobuchar and U.S. Representatives Keith Ellison, John Kline, Michele Bachmann and Jim Ramstad. So, Democrats and Republicans, Lutherans and Jesus Freaks, even a Muslim! What the hell? Read more on Weirdos Armed With Stepstool & Spray Paint Attack Garages of Minnesota Politicians!…
 

Bachmann on Fact-finding/Baby-Collecting Mission Overseas

Michele Bachmann, congresswoman, baby-farmer, president-groper, is apparently not groping enough of her constituents these days. An impassioned letter to the St. Cloud Times back in her Minnesota district wonders why she’s forsaken them: Read more on Bachmann on Fact-finding/Baby-Collecting Mission Overseas…
 

J.J. Walker: “It’s time that Americans…Go All In”

The great thing about this “blog revolution” is that anyone and everyone can have their voices heard. Even Jimmie “J.J.” Walker, who has a blog! Today, someone sent us Jimmie’s thoughts on Muslim congressman Keith Ellison (D-MN). Jimmie’s a little wary of this dangerous non-Christian lawmaking menace! Read more on J.J. Walker: “It’s time that Americans…Go All In”…
 

Thomas Jefferson’s Muslim Congressman Calls Bush Hitler

Remember U.S. Representative Keith Ellison, who swore to destroy America on Thomas Jefferson’s copy of the Koran? Well, he’s still around and still plotting against us! The Minnesota congressman and Catholic-turned-Muslim told a group of infidels that 9/11 was pretty much the Reichstag fire and Bush is pretty much Hitler. Read more on Thomas Jefferson’s Muslim Congressman Calls Bush Hitler…