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Posts Tagged ‘kazakhstan’

BILL CLINTON

Bill Clinton Abuses Power for Favors??

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

billorange.jpgThe New York Times published this fun Bill Clinton story today that’s kind of like Syriana, or Blood Diamond or various other movies. In 2005, Bill Clinton accompanied friend and Canadian “mining financier” Frank Giustra to Kazakhstan, on a little publicized “philanthropy” visit aboard a very private jet plane. BUT MAYBE THEY HAD, HMM, ULTERIOR MOTIVES? MORE »


STATE DEPARTMENT

State Dept. Stands Up For Rich British Comedian’s Human Rights

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

Human Rights Now! - WonketteAfter six years of kissing the ass of Kazakhstan’s autocrat president, the Bush Administration has finally decided to notice the dreadful lack of human rights in the “former” Soviet Central Asian country that just happens to sit atop some of the biggest oil and gas reserves in the world … and right between Russia and China. According to a new report from Condi’s State Department, the mean old guys in Kazakhstan took Borat’s website away! Total lack of precious freedoms! MORE »


LIBERALS

Q: How Many Lesbians Does It Take To Change a Lightbulb? A: That’s Not Funny

Tuesday, October 31st, 2006

I can throw rock at a gypsy from 15 metres - WonketteHere’s a recipe for dark comedy: One goofy clip of Borat abusing the dork host of the Today Show + hundreds of confused and enraged lefty commenters at Huffington Post.

We know you don’t have time to read them all, so we make very nice sample for you, after the jump.

MORE »


WHITE HOUSE

Wonkette’s Moving To Kazakhstan!

Friday, September 29th, 2006

Top producing industry reach economic height! - WonketteThe crafty Jew comedian Sasha Baron Cohen continues to derail the White House’s latest dirty dealings with the oil-rich dictatorship of Kazakhstan. Over at the Kazakh Embassy, they are losing their minds. This was not how Dictator Nursultan Nazarbayev wanted his Washington visit to be remembered.

Like Saudi Arabia after 9/11, Kazakhstan took the usual totalitarian-regime route and put a four-page advertisement in the NYT and IHT. We love these things and have often used such sovietesque PR to plan new lives abroad: Hmm, did you know Mumbalumbia has far-reaching leisure touristic possibility and historical culture of timeless contrast, not to mention world’s eighth largest coal mine? But most people are immune to the Kazakh Charm Offensive — because they’re too busy e-mailing the NYT’s funny article about Borat’s DC appearance yesterday, making that goofy story the Most E-Mailed of the Day.

Come with us on a magical tour of the Kazakh Steppe, after the jump.

MORE »


NEW YORK TIMES

Uzbeks Infiltrate Kazakhstan Embassy!

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

Sneaky Uzbeks (who have bones growing in the middle of their brains) apparently infiltrated the Kazakh Embassy in D.C. and purchased an insulting “advertisement” for Kazakhstan. So said Borat in this exciting video shot today. MORE »


WHITE HOUSE

Borat’s March On Washington

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

I like! - WonketteEverybody’s favorite Kazakh media star just gave a press conference outside the Kazakhstan Embassy explaining the “mix up” about his new movie. MORE »


DEMOCRATS

Daily Briefing: Taking a ‘Stan

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

Delayed due to technical difficulties/epic hangover

  • Terror detainee bill passes House, will “authorize the indefinite detention of non-citizens without access to courts - even if they are not charged with any crime.” [WP, NYT, LAT]

  • Democrats could win 6 seats and take control of Senate, “if the stars continue to align.” [NYT]
  • Jeb Bush talks smack about George Bush’s No Child Left Behind program, “not saying it’s bad, but needs to be better.” [NYT]
  • Bush “chaperoned” dinner for passive-aggressive Presidents Pervez Musharraf and Hamid Karzai last night. [BBC, NYT, CNN]
  • Kazakh president to be feted at White House state dinner Friday while accusations of rampant corruption, murder, and Borat obstructionism continue to hound him. [NYT, NYT]
  • Full NIE dealing with Iraq will not be released. [CNN, W$J]
  • Chelsea Clinton to host her dad’s 60th birthday party/fundraiser in New York. Guest list and activities humiliate the CakeLove cupcakes and six-pack you got. [WP]

WHITE HOUSE

Kazakhstan Loves Borat!

Thursday, September 14th, 2006

 have promised him that he can make penetration with Colombian prostitute ShakiraNot really. But our favorite ’stan has vigorously denied our report that the Kazakhstan government has come crying like a little girl to the White House in hopes that Bush will order the assassination of comedian Sacha Baron Cohen — who plays the beloved Kazakh media star Borat. MORE »


WHITE HOUSE

White House Now Plans To Lose Borat-Kazakhstan War

Wednesday, September 13th, 2006

In Kazhakstan we have many hobbies: disco dancing, archery, rape and table tennis - WonketteAs the Bush Administration’s bold remaking of the Middle East and Central Asia goes from strength to strength, it was destined that the White House would have to get involved in the battle between the fictional character Borat and his native land, Kazakhstan.

President Nursultan Nazarbayev, who has reportedly never thrown a Jew down a well, will actually discuss the Borat Problem with Bush at the White House and Castle Bushenstein in Maine later this month. But will a horse-drawn Lada make it all the way to America? The answers, after the jump.

MORE »


BILL CLINTON

Daily Briefing: Katrina, Ernesto, and AIDS

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
  • “Rolling Hurricane Revue” tour heads to Mississippi and Louisiana to mark today’s one year anniversary of Katrina. Blame game still on, reconstruction in MS faring better than LA. [WP, NYT]

  • Tropical Storm Ernesto is weak, but FEMA Director David Paulison’s “No More Fuckups” doctrine has an army of personnel in Florida. [CNN]
  • Kofi Annan wants in on the cool kids “disaster touring club,” heads to southern Lebanon. [BBC, NYT]
  • Bill Clinton in Africa visiting AIDS patients, finds warm reception: “George Bush has actually delivered more resources, but Clinton is ten times more popular in Africa.” [NYT]
  • President Nursultan “The Friendly Kleptocrat” Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan to visit White House in September. [WP]
  • Indiana Republican congressman Mike Pence no longer the “perfect conservative” as he tries for compromise on immigration issue. [NYT]
  • Fenty vs. Cropp televised debate yesterday — no steel cage, just a really small table. [WP]

GEORGE W. BUSH

Rumors On The Internets: Just Two Good Ol’ Boys, Wouldn’t Change If They Could

Thursday, August 24th, 2006
  • George Allen’s apology to S.R. Sidarth not actually “from his heart,” instead “from his poll results.” [Hotline On Call]

  • Rush Limbaugh uses very accurate stereotype based handicapping system to predict winner of the new Survivor season. [TBogg]
  • Bill O’Reilly: “at any volume, he’s noise.” [Raw Story]
  • Liberals to become extinct as Conservatives “outbreed” them. [Echidne of the Snakes]
  • Jeff Jarvis admits his blog doesn’t get him laid. [BuzzMachine]
  • President of Kazakhstan fights “Anti-Borat hard-liners” within his administration. [New York Magazine]
  • “Presidential funny bone” tickled by watching new aides try to resist the gas face. [Boston Herald]

REMAINDERS

Remainders: Science Leads, Santorum Swallows

Monday, November 14th, 2005

Santorum: “Science leads you where it leads you.” Also the heart wants what it wants. Sometimes that’s a dog. No, seriously: Rick comes out against “intelligent design” (magic). [Beaver County Times (no shit), via Pandagon]
Oh, God: Please don’t make me give up Target. So they are all “Fuck you bitch about your little unprotected pregnancy sex accident” — they have really great housewares. Fuck. Fry’s man, tho? I will never. Shop. There. Again. [Savage Love (last item)]
Bush tonight: “Reasonable people can disagree about the conduct of the war –­ but it is irresponsible for Democrats to now claim that we misled them and the American people.” Translation: You can disagree except when you do. [Michelle Malkin]
Kazakhstan totally pissed about Ali G. [Reuters]
“If you’re going to be the lead columnist for the business section of a major American newspaper, a certain amount of Bentonville ball-lickery is part of the package.” [TMFTML]