Tag: katy perry

Thou hast in thy skull no more brain than I have in mine elbows.

Deleted Comments: You Secular Porn Addicts Are Destroying America And Have Never Read Shakespeare!

We thought we were smart, but it turns out we're porn-addicted dummies who've never read Shakespeare. Ay, me!

Unceremoniously Knocked Up Bristol Palin Pissed About Thing

Bristol is APPALLED by these so-called 'A-listers' who won't even perform for Trump's inauguration. HOW DARE THEY?

CNN’s Chris Cuomo All ‘Morning Joe? More Like Donald Trump’s Morning Hos!’

Oh no, our favorite media personalities are having a big fight!

What Ellen DeGeneres And Katy Perry Did For Pulse Shooting Survivor Will Make You Sob Happy Tears

Start your weekends off right with THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY.

Crazy Monster Drink Lady Hopes You Appreciate How Much Your Mom Loves Dick

Did you hug your mom on Mother's Day and thank her for loving penis so much? WHY NOT, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD?

Meghan McCain Said A Mouth Fart About Obama’s SCOTUS Nomination

Every so often it's important for us to check in with the GOP's greatest mind. No, not Ann Coulter, she's a crusty pile of washed-up nothingess. We are of course talking about Meghan McCain, who for some reason is...

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...
Fame and fortune except the fortune part.

Wonkette’s Evan Hurst Is World-Famous In Memphis: A Story By Evan Hurst

Oh hi, do you know me? I am one of your Wonkettes, and I am the most famous person in the universe. I am taking a break from having brunch with Taylor Swift, saying "Oh no she di'int" about...

Christian Energy Drink Lady Turns Her Crazy On Demon-Sexer Katy Perry

Wonkers, do you remember Christine Weick? She is a nice Christian lady who has this funny habit of losing her mind like a common Starbucks Red Cup protester at run-of-the-mill things, and she makes videos that go viral, as long...
Except for this one franchise! They love the gays!

Chick-Fil-A Fails To Meet 2015 Gay-Bashing Quotient. Fix It, Jesus!

Oh no! The wingnut gay-hatin' fans of Chick-fil-A, whose bodies are composed of 96 percent trans fat and 4 percent Jesus meat, are dripping lard lumps of rage all over their everywheres, because this one Chick-fil-A in Nashville did something nice for gays!...

All About the D*cks: Your Florida Roundup

Of course the first person to receive a dick-reduction surgery hails from the state that looks like a dick. Of course he does. The unnamed 17-year-old, whom we’ll call Richard, was apparently … how to say? … wider than...
Fresh out of butt jokes this week.

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Have Some Miracle Ginseng With No Ginseng

Step right up, ladies and gents! Your friendly la Volpe has returned for another edition of The Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly fix-er-up of all the best in bunk, woo, and assorted nonsense to grace the interwebs. Let's get...
Satan's gang signs -- All the proof you need!

Sundays With The Christianists: Their Satanic Majesties Request … MORE COWBELL!

Rightwing radio preacher and homeschooling guru Kevin Swanson is starting to let us down, folks -- the penultimate chapter of his e-rant about the inevitable doom of western civilization is just about the laziest attack on the supposedly corrupting...

Radio Wingnut Says The Beatles Are Satan

Our favorite Minor League radio preacher, Colorado's Kevin Swanson, took a break from hating on gays and abortion for a few minutes to blame the Beatles for bringing demonic rock and/or roll to our shores 50 years ago, an...

In Shocking Move, Johnette Napolitano Quits Concrete DHS Blonde To Go Solo

Hot on the heels of Katy Perry's super-stunna-shades announcement that she would not be running for governor of Texas again, we bring you the sad shocking news that Johnette Napolitano is quitting her gig as the frontwoman for the...

Katy Perry Announces She Will Not Run For Governor Of Texas

Katy Perry announced today that she will not seek re-election as Governor of Texas in 2014, but would not say for certain whether she plans a presidential bid in 2016. The three-term governor has held office since 2000, when...