• BUT… BUT SOMEONE IS BEING WRONG ON THE INTERNET! Look, OK, we’re trying to find the hot sexy stories here, but the Internet is only serving up annoyance, so our only option is to link you to this annoyance and hopefully ruin your weekend. Alas: long blog posts with multiple “clarifying” updates about ambiguous word choices in speech anecdotes from several days ago? These posts are intrinsically terrifying. Hurricane Katrina was a crisis for a long time, and Bobby Jindal talks funny. NEXT. [Ben Smith, TPM]

One thing Republicans like to do is send racist shit to each other, whether funny black-face minstrel songs about the “magic negro” (the president) or funny newsletters about the watermelon and fried chicken certain black people (the president) always consume, or especially funny racist jokes about how black people are so lazy but they sho’ nuff gets to shufflin’ mighty quickly comes ta pass a colored (the president) becomes the president. MORE »

Oh god that horrible imitation of a human laugh. “Well, heh heh heh, at least no Arabian horses died. Heh heh heh heh.” HILARIOUS. Only thousands of poor black people died, after Katrina. And McCain made a super funny joke about how doomed flunkie Michael Brown — the FEMA chief who previously worked for an Arabian horse club — at least hadn’t killed any precious horses owned by billionaires!

Greetings from Austin, Minnesota — the home of Hormel’s famous SPAM food product, which Hawaiians such as Barack Obama eat a dozen times a day, with caviar. We are very close to St. Paul and our fancy suites, and will be there Sunday morning in time for so many cocktail parties. The question is this: Will anybody from the Republican Party show up? MORE »

New first lady Michelle Obama is a young, stylish, beautiful and successful corporate attorney from humble south-side-of-Chicago beginnings. In other words, she’s just like ancient yankee matron aristocrat Barbara Bush. MORE »

Yes, Howie, the media got all self- important about Barry and blew it on New Hamsters election night. But at least they didn’t compare their silly failures to a natural disaster that ruined the lives of many poor people. So thank you for getting on that. Also: do they pay you for this? [WP]

People of Southern California who are on fire: Have no fear, for disaster relief (in the form of a human disaster) is on the way! Former FEMA Director Michael “Heckuva Job” “Brownie” “Abortion of a Human” Brown, the guy who hosted a Hurricane Party with fresh margs for himself during Katrina, is hopping on a jet plane to SoCal and will fix you AND your forests. Shit, he might even bring a hose! See, he’s not so incompetent when it’s white people asking for disaster relief.

Brownie, You’ve Got a Heckuva Job [WSJ via Political Machine] MORE »

Whoops, ha ha, a B-52 bomber filled with live nuclear warheads was flown from North Dakota to Louisiana on Thursday, just a little fuckup, sorry about that! The “Advanced Cruise Missiles” were mounted on the plane’s wings. Probably would’ve been tough for the nukes to detonate if the plane crashed, but who knows? Ha ha ha.

Nuclear warheads mistakenly flown on B-52 [USA Today]

You’d never guess our little Katrina is two years old today. Why? Because it looks like that hurricane and terrible flooding happened just days ago! Who would think a major American city would still be in ruins two fucking years after it was deluged and half-abandoned? MORE »

A widely hated cretin is the White House’s top choice for attorney general, experts said today. Michael Chertoff is known for his bizarre threats against America and his tenure at the biggest fucking joke agency in American history, the “department of homeland security.” Despised by Republicans, Democrats and actual humans, Chertoff is just the kind of loathsome creep the Bush Administration is likely to choose to be AG for a few weeks until the whole gang is rounded up and sent to Gitmo. MORE »

Bush authorizes massive U.S. federal aid for Mexican victims of Hurricane Dean. [AP/Yahoo]