Aww, Michelle Obama went to help out at a soup kitchen for homeless people on Thursday! And while she was there, the AP took a photo of this guy taking a cellphone photo of Michelle’s very famous arms. So now America’s conservative pundits are very upset that this supposedly homeless man has a telephone, so poverty isn’t actually a problem, and we’re even “blessed” to have such rich homeless people in the United States. MORE »

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs has had the tendency, early on, to embarrass himself during press conferences by turning snippy as a defense. But this comment about Kathryn Jean Lopez’s pretend boyfriend and preferred vice presidential candidate, Rick Santelli — a rich ex-financial rich guy who now (rather brilliantly, we admit) manages to win over unemployed, poor white people with rants on the Wall Street tips ‘n’ cheats teevee channel about how he and his money friends who ruined the economy WILL NOT ALLOW $75 billion in government money to go towards resuscitating millions of salvageable mortgages that are currently impossible to price and spreading death everywhere — is somewhat perfect. Wry, mocking, and even somewhat informative! [Huffington Post]

This graphic comes from National Review Online editor Kathryn Jean Lopez, and we think she’s in loooooooooove! “I’m noticing the tone. I’m seeing the enthusiasm. And I’m digging out from the sheer volume of e-mails I’ve been getting today about that CNBC dude. The reaction to Rick Santelli’s Chicago-trading-floor incident this morning echoes the emotional reaction my inbox had to Sarah Palin’s convention speech this summer.” PRRRRR, KITTY. It was definitely when Santelli called poor people “losers” that K-Lo knew she had a new man in her life. Move over, Mitt Romney! [The Corner]

Your Wonkette prides itself on staying current with the latest entrants into the cancerous wasteland of Political Blogging, as it is our duty to inform America about where it should spend its non-Wonkette online time, instead of at the Huffington Post. This week, we have thoroughly studied the new “megablog” from Matt Drudge’s personal slave, Andrew Breitbart. Breitbart described his latest project, Big Hollywood, in a Moonie Times column this week as such: “Big Hollywood is not a ‘celebrity’ gabfest or a gossip outpost - it is a continuous politics and culture posting board for those who think something has gone drastically wrong and that Hollywood should return to its patriotic roots.” To answer your immediate question, yes, Kathryn Jean Lopez is a contributor. MORE »

Now that it’s officially pre-2009, we can start guiltlessly recycling all the material we’ve already written into Top Ten Posts. Today’s took a surprisingly long time to compile. It seemed like a good idea to look at all the funny terms we used to describe our Political Enemies, and it turns out that phrases like “rancid shit-sack,” “vulgar fraud,” “human garbage,” and “cretin” turn up with shocking frequency around these parts. So, after the jump, a painstakingly culled collection of our favorite mean phrases we used to describe objectionable people such as Joe the Plumber, Eliot Spitzer, and of course our all-time favorite, the humanoid sewer-pipe and self-professed eternal virgin Joe Lieberman. MORE »

We already knew that National Review Online editor and former secretary Kathryn Jean Lopez was proud of America when the Blagojevich scandal broke because (a) it was simple enough for her to understand and (b) it didn’t involve queers. In her column today, however, she offers even more trenchant insight regarding Blago’s conscience — why he didn’t have one, so to speak. Perhaps a childhood tragedy left him scarred? Perhaps “narcissistic personality disorder,” which is a medical disease? Perhaps lingering depression? Simple greed? Please. A writer of K-Lo’s caliber need not engage such ridiculous psychological dalliances. The point is that Blago is evil because he loves abortion, much like the Democrats. MORE »

One of the first few things we thought of after hearing about Blaggy’s arrest was, “What will Kathryn Jean Lopez have to say about this?” She loves it! She loves it because it’s so easy to understand and fits into her Manichean worldview (well, she makes everything fit into her Manichean worldview, but this one just snugs in there so comfortably). And it doesn’t involve sex or queers which is all gross ‘n’ stuff! We’re glad that this G-rated scandal is simple enough for K-Lo, who is childless “K-Lo’s children” to understand. [The Corner, thank you Alex K. for IMing me this most recent hilarity]

K-LOAD: Mouth-breathing fart-sack Kathryn Jean Lopez has posted a confusing new Word Jumble, in which she claims that Prop. 8, the Mormons’ financial assault on California homosexuals, “won by the same margin as Barack Obama did in that state.” Obama crushed McCain 61%-37% in California, while Prop. 8 squeaked by with 52%. [Andrew Sullivan]

Today is an exciting day on the Corner, the best National Review blog on the Internet, period. Not only is the fat Mexican secretary Jonah Goldberg yelling at slummy Kathleen Parker for trying to sneak into the Sexy Obama Dance Parties with her Gorilla God-hating cigarette dildo columns, but Parker’s ex-BFF, Kathryn Jean Lopez — who No Longer Reads Wonkette — has been begging National Review’s readers for money in at least 20 million posts for the last two days. Donate, people! MORE »

Have you ever been at a party and had a swell time drinking fancy drinks with nifty folks and suddenly you look up, it’s 3:30 in the morning, all the cool kids have gone home, and you’re stuck on a pee-stained couch drinking vodka and milk cocktails with a pimpled, silent loser pawing your knee? That is the story of the National Review, where David Frum says he’ll no longer be writing. (In this somewhat tortured metaphor, Frum is actually one of the “cool kids,” the party is over, and you have to give Kathryn Jean Lopez a ride home and hope she doesn’t vomit in your car.) MORE »

Hark, what arriveth in our inboxes? It doth verily appear to be a “peggy noonan” Google Alert! What pleasures cometh our way on this Holy Day of Eleckt. We all remember that fateful day in 2006 when Peggy Noonan first chanced upon a Mexican — how her quill flowed, then! — but now Ms. Noonan has broken another barrier: speaking with a Mexican. And not just any Mexican, either: Kathryn Jean “K-Lo” Lopez, the former office secretary of National Review! What results is a tempestuous sojourn into the black heart of the American bizarre. MORE »