So that horrific killing spree put a real damper on the day’s comedy prospects, although we’re sure Wolf Blitzer’s trying his inadvertent best to make us all laugh again. But know that before the sadness in Texas, God painted the teabaggers a rainbow. And then someone in an office took a picture of the Teabaggers’ Rainbow and e-mailed it to K-Lo, the end. [The Corner]

BIG NEWS 2DAY, from Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez: “I will soon be stepping aside as editor of National Review Online. I’m not going too far. I’ll still be contributing to NRO with ideas and content, and if you are an author or reader you might not notice much of a change. I’ll probably still be bugging you for pieces if you’re an author and I’ll still be traffic-copping the Corner. But I will be moving my primary base of operation in the fall from New York to D.C., and will no longer honcho NRO on a day-by-day basis.” Oh, we will notice the shit out of this. Starburst will replace her. [National Review]

• K-LO REACTION TO MSNBC REACTION TO CHENEY/OBAMA DONNYBROOK: “Something had to shatter a the set somewhere there just now.” [Instaputz]

Hooray, we made a Jonah Goldberg post on The Corner! Time to break out the sparkling cider HMM? Jonah simply does not care for this website’s devastating investigative “reporting” (got an e-mail, determined the source was credible enough and the content was harmless, posted it as gossip — JUST LIKE B. WOODWARD), and says that he DID stand for the President… briefly… barely… shouldn’t even have to stand for that fucking guy… and that the problem was boredom. He went to a black-tie Washington reporters’ banquet but wasn’t expecting to be bored. MORE »

We already know that National Review Internet overlord Kathryn Jean Lopez was none too pleased with the Washington political/media establishment’s behavior at the White House Correspondents Dinner, where Barack Obama and Wanda Sykes refused to praise Rush Limbaugh for keeping America safe these past eight years. But now a deep-undercover Wonkette operative who was sitting a table over from Jonah and K-Lo’s — well within earshot — presents us with a disturbing report of how the two “were insufferable all night long,” and should never be allowed in public again. MORE »

We mentioned earlier that we saw staunch “Reagan Conservative” and National Review marm Kathryn Jean Lopez at a pre-WHCD cocktail party, where she looked uncomfortable, what with all the homosexuals sipping the Devil’s Vinegar and all. Unlike your Wonkette, however, K-Lo stayed for the dinner portion, where she saw the various blacks make 9/11 jokes to an appreciative liberal media audience all cackling like sadists and jumping on tables left and right to perform partial-birth abortions and play frisbee with the bloody mutilated fetuses while sucking each others’ gay-married cocks and pooping on pictures of Ronald Reagan and the Pope before injecting white children with the AIDS cancer and science juice. MORE »

“Weird news,” indeed. Christ! Can’t you people keep your foul third-rate romance/low-rent rendezvous off the freakin’ Internet, which really doesn’t need more pornography, and certainly not the kind you two would create. Ugh. Thanks, Sadly, No!, for the year’s supply of Nightmare Fuel. [The Corner]

National Review’s Catholic Mexican secretary Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez has a problem with her Internets, specifically that oh we don’t know maybe LUCIFER has control of it? “Access to porn is probably in your e-mail account’s inbox right now. You’re probably used to just manually erasing it as spam or setting up automated filters to block it out, but you know it’s out there in a big way. What are you going to do?” Maybe you can stop *accepting* those offers, K-Lo, and masturbate to the nearest peeling beige wall instead, like “Real America” does. MORE »

It was pretty useless and unnecessary for Barack Obama to go out of his way to give a major economics speech at one of Georgetown’s most haunting, gilded Jesus chambers on Tuesday and request that all symbols there be boarded up; because except for a few libtards, who cares if the three letters, “IHS,” are written on some wall. THEN AGAIN maybe he had those letters covered for the express purpose of watching National Review’s Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez flip out, which she did, providing ample entertainment for the American Internet during these tough economic times. So thank you for that, President Abortionist! MORE »

It has happened — IT! YOU KNOW OF WHAT WE SPEAK. Jonah Goldberg and Kathryn Jean Lopez have officially merged to become the ultimate destructo-bot of carnage and murder and death as foretold by ancient prophecy: The Fat Mexican Secretary. For there is currently a column by “Jonah Goldberg” on National Review called “Big Bedfellows,” and there is also currently a column by “Kathryn Jean Lopez” on Townhall called “Big Bedfellows,” and they’re the same article about how they fuck all the time, maybe. MORE »

America’s favorite humorist, National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez, would like Little Miss Hot Slut Bristol Palin to know that this whole “sex” and “hookee” (?) thing is irresponsible for us unmarried gals, because it’s super hard to remember to take those birth-control pills every day. And what if the condom breaks? Did you know that condom is likely filled with a boy’s spermlings? “So glamorous,” writes K-Lo. Yeah, she would know! Wait, she wouldn’t know at all, right? MORE »